Dating Over 40: Magical Words That Capture Attention

Right now I’m going to admit that I have in fact been taken in by headlines like this one. And I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there is just no such thing. There are no magical words that will capture his attention. No magical perfume that will lure him to you. No magical dress size (contrary to popular belief). No magical flirting tip.

And yet, when you meet the right one, it is SO VERY MAGICAL! So how can this be? Seems like a contradiction.

The truth is not always easy to hear. Or easy to follow. Or easy to handle. (Makes me think of Jack Nicholson in that military movie where he says to Tom Cruise "You can’t handle the truth!" but I digress…)

So here’s the truth, not according to Garp, but according to The Dating Coach – that’s me by the way.

You are the magic. That’s right. Who you are. Your energy. Your personality. Your outlook on life. You are the magician who creates your life. Sometimes that makes me so angry. But I know it’s true.  When I am happy, feeling positive, believe things can happen, come my way, work out for me, they do. They just do. Well certainly the vast majority of times.

I know it’s not always true, but it sure is on most occasions.

The effort to do what you may ask?

To think positively. Focus on what you do want to happen, not what you don’t want or what you want to avoid. That’s easy. We do that all the time. Personally, I’m really good at that. That’s because it’s natural. The human condition allows for us to be good at focusing on the negative. We get trained throughout our lives to do that. No one trains us how to get past that and still put trust into what is good and working.

Here’s a non-dating example that really happened. My chiropractor has several treatment rooms in his office. He always used one particular room, but over time, he started getting a headache every time he used that room. Eventually, he shut the door and left that room closed for over a year!

Finally he decided that something had to be done. He had a Feng Shui practitoiner come in to clear the energy. But still he couldn’t open that door. Even though the energy had been cleared and the room emptied, he still had a reaction if the door was left open only one inch.

I really like my chiropractor and was wondering one night at 3am when I couldn’t sleep, why this was happening. What was it about that room that affected him so and what could he do about it?

Then it came to me like a flash out of no where. And I knew the answer. I had found the solution and was very sure of this fact.

Next time I saw him for an appointment, I shared my "ah-ha" moment about his treatment room. And it’s safe to say this applies to anything and EVERYTHING in life.

For the room to return to a good state, he had to stop thinking about what was wrong with the room. The room was in fact empty from an energetic stand point. Instead, he needed to spend time thinking about what kind of energy he DID want the room to have. He spent all his time rejecting what was there and wanting it removed. But there was no longer anything there!

So he decided to listen to my advice. He spent time in that room thinking happy, pleasant thoughts of how wonderful the room was originally. He brought up good memories. He sang a few happy songs. He said a few prayers. And within a short period of time, by my next appointment – the treatment room door was open!

That’s why i share this epiphany now. We all do this, you , me , my chirrpractor. We focus on what we don’t want and don’t like and what we want to be rid of. But when we do this – we stay attached to it!

Think about what you do want. Visualize. Fantasize. Smile. Feel how good things could be. Then take those positve feelings and build a good life for yourself. Do things that make you happy. Enjoy your hobbies, the theatre, exercise, craft projects, movies, friends, family, meeting new people and even dating.  As you enjoy and indulge in thinking good thoughts about what you do want, you are creating the magic that is you. And making yourself more and more attractive.

Start right now. Start slow if you like. Start any way you like. But get started. Your own personal magic awaits you.


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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