Dating Over 40: Love Increases as Judgment Decreases


photo by automania

Years ago I spent some time studying Hawaiian Shamanism. The other night I dragged out my favorite book on the subject, Urban Shaman by Dr. Serge Kahili King, which provides simple spiritual lessons and techniques that made a difference in my life. The Huna way is one of peace and working with things to your advantage.

The fifth of seven basic principles is “Aloha” which translates to “To Love is to be Happy with.” In other words – to share your joy and happiness. Dr. King also points out that love increases as judgment decreases. That’s intriguing isn’t it?

When you think about it, the idea makes a lot of sense.  When you are in love, you tend to be happy and the world seems full of possibilities. However, it is one perspective because the world can seem harsh and unforgiving as well. Yet its the very same world right?

Let’s explore this idea a bit further. This concept reminds me of the Law of Attraction in which “Like Attracts Like.” When you feel love and are happy, you attract more love and happiness! And when you are down, grumpy or angry, you attract more of that energy.

This ties back to my post from the other day about angry women. I pointed out how being angry isn’t an attractive emotion and how softening that energy will serve your search for love much better. (After all, men are attracted to happy women.) But it also ties in to how you feel about yourself!

Do you love yourself? Do you know you deserve love? Do you feel good about who you are and what you have to offer? I hope you can answer yes. but if not, this is an opportunity to shift your self-image. Following the 5th Principle of Hawaiian Shamanism or the Law of Attraction – imagine how things would be different if you did!

Just the other night I was talking to one of my dating coaching clients about this very topic. She isn’t happy right now and is hard on herself. She’s been working a lot at her job and on improving herself as well. She tries to fix things by working harder. I’ve done that too and it is not always the best solution.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to blow off steam, cut yourself some slack and let go. Go out with the girls and laugh your butt off. Read a romance novel. Take a bubble bath and rest. Give yourself a chance to renew and honor yourself by taking care of you!

When you spend time on self-care, you make a statement to yourself and the Universe that you are worthy. You are deserving of fun and pampering. You deserve love and that starts with self-love.

When you love yourself, you don’t constantly criticize everything you do.  If something doesn’t turn out well, take time to figure out how to do things better, but feel good about what you did accomplish and for putting the effort forth.

Every time you avoid criticizing your own actions, you make room for love. And the less you criticize yourself, amazingly, you’ll criticize others less as well.

-What goes around comes around
-Like attracts like
-To love is to be happy with

These statements all share the same meaning!

So, today, please love yourself! Be good to yourself, praise yourself and honor yourself. Turn your negative inner chatter into positive self-talk. Smile at the sun, breathe deep and know that the flowers will be blooming soon. Love can’t be far behind.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

1 thought on “Dating Over 40: Love Increases as Judgment Decreases”

Leave a Comment