Languages of Love: Keep Gift Expectations in Check

There are many languages of love and romantic gifts are not the only option. Some people have strict rules but that won’t bring you lasting love and could cause you to miss out on a great man.

languages of love

Gifts Are Just One of the Many Languages of Love

According to the Rules, (#12 in particular) a woman should expect a romantic gift for her birthday and if your man doesn’t produce said gift, you should kick him to the curb. Hey that’s not my rule. No way. But some women and experts think like this. The idea is that if a man truly loves you and is crazy about you, only a romantic gift will express that love properly.

That is seriously immature and a good way to spoil what could be a lasting and happy romance.

Now, I’m not going to say that I don’t love a good romantic gift. Of course I do! Hey, I’m a woman who adores jewelry. It’s one of my passions and was most definitely one of the languages of love growing up in my household. My parents started me young with a garnet ring set in gold for my 8th birthday. I loved it. Over the years, many occasions were celebrated with jewelry for both me and my mom.

However, that was not my boyfriend’s (now husband’s) language of love. For our first Christmas, he bought me an antique oak table and refinished it for me. It’s beautiful and has a place of honor in our living room till this day (17 years later).

The rules say that a man who doesn’t give you a romantic gift is letting you know you aren’t the one and he doesn’t really love you. They say he might spend a lot of money, but romance is the only criteria. I beg to differ!

That table was a gift and labor of love. Paul and I share an appreciation for antiques and vintage oak. Frankly I was thrilled with his choice and that he gave me something from his heart. His language of love is to do things for me and you know what – that works for me. He’ll go to the post office, load my car when I’m getting ready for a work trip and pick up ingredients I ran out of so I can cook dinner. That’s love to me.

If a Romantic Gift is Your Language of Love, Try This

If you think only a romantic gift of jewelry will do, here’s another suggestion. Paul and I have an agreement. He doesn’t like to pick out jewelry and worries that I won’t like his choice. So, he suggested I choose several items and then he’ll buy the one he wants to give me. I still get jewelry I love, but we compromise to make that happen.

How do you view the languages of love? What lets you know your man loves you deeply? And how does your man know you appreciate him? If he doesn’t express love that way you prefer, pay attention to how he does let you know. And feel free to discuss this calmly so you both get your needs met.

Think about the romantic gift requirement this way. Do you want jewelry from a man you can’t trust or might cheat on you? No, trust and loyalty are more important. Do you want a romantic gift as an apology every time your man berates you verbally? No, peace and respect are more important. Do you insist on jewelry versus valuing your man’s every day thoughtfulness? No, daily life overrides a once a year birthday gift.

Not all men are good at gift giving. Does that make them bad partners? How ridiculous can you get!

Would it be amazing if your man was loyal, generous, sweet, thoughtful, fun, smart, good in bed and a great gift giver? Sure! But if you have to give up one thing and compromise on one quality that you seek in the ideal man, I’d vote to forfeit gift giving every time.

If your man gives you another crappy gift, I acknowledge that it’s highly disappointing. But remember there are 364 other days when he’ll probably find some way to please you, show his appreciation and let you know he loves you. Find a way to deal with it. Talk to him about it. Ask if you can make suggestions. Go shopping together. But don’t toss him aside due to this one weakness.

Good men aren’t a dime a dozen. They do exist for sure and I want you to keep looking. But please, recognize a good man when you’ve got one and learn to appreciate his languages of love rather than sending him packing because he flunked gift giving.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Languages of Love: Keep Gift Expectations in Check”

  1. This is a serious misrepresentation of the Rules gift principle, in my opinion. What the Rules mean to say is if a gift from a man is not a loving, romantic symbol of his feelings for you, then, he doesn’t love you. Whether it’s jewelry, flowers, candy, perfume, a car or a card, its the time and emotions he invests, not the money. Your guy spent weeks refinishing a lovely table for you to cherish, now that’s love! Romantic AND practical. A billionaire who buys you the Hope diamond, but neglects you, not love. That being said. Fantastic blog, just the best!


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