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Wishing You Love,
INSPIRATION: Horseshoe Crabs & The Natural Process of Finding a Mate
The other night I was walking along the beach in the moon light, just at the water’s edge and noticed a few odd bumps – that were moving! Turns out this is the time of year that horseshoe crabs mate. At first I thought – "Get a room!" How silly – they’re just crabs doing something completely natural.
So how is it that we humans now encounter such difficulties in finding a good mate when it should be a completely natural process? It’s starts with being single in mid-life, a time when we have grown accustomed to our own ways of doing things. And we have baggage – love history from previous relationships gone wrong. All this and many other factors contribute to a vast adult single population who is lonely and sometimes apathetic about even looking for love.
But let’s think back to the crabs. For them, finding a mate seems so much simpler and easier. How do horseshoe crabs find each other attractive? Well they probably have far fewer "must haves" than we do. Or maybe they’re just more open-minded. Hard to say. The question is – can we learn from our frisky friends?
I believe we can and here are four perspectives about dating and potential partners that might help loosen up some of the strict criteria that actually keeps people single.
1. Cut prospects some slack. What if you relax and just try getting to know a few new people? Often people will surprise you if you give them a chance. Open up and allow a man or woman who is less than perfect into your world long enough to see if there is any merit, rather than shutting the door with a snap judgment.
2. When you see the opposite sex walking down the street, do you think critical thoughts or friendly thoughts? Who knows why human nature usually resorts to critical thinking, but chances are strong your heart is not open to those you pass by when you are usually critical. (Sometimes this is appropriate, but not always.) Try letting go of some criticism, and imagine what might make that person who passes by a good catch? Let your guard down a bit to make connecting more possible.
3. Think well of yourself. It’s been said many times, if you want to be treated with respect, respect yourself first. That’s good advice. Take care of and treasure yourself. Get a new hair cut, buy some new clothes, eat well, walk with good posture; head up and shoulders back. Work on your self esteem to know you are worthy of love and a good relationship. Someone would be darn lucky to have you!
4. Keep your expectations in check. If one prospect doesn’t work out, move on! The world is well populated with options for you, so don’t cry too long over the one who got away. This is especially true when you’ve had a brief relationship or one that didn’t quite materialize. Too often people get all tied up in just being rejected at first email contact on dating sites. There are millions of people on those sites. Move on to someone better!
Of course, I’m not sure, but I do think that the horseshoe crabs live and mate by these concepts. (I’m not sure how much \ thinking crabs do, just go with it. Hey. Maybe that’s actually the best advice anyway.) Animals are naturally open to opportunities, think positively, know they are worthy and move on when rejected to find a better partner. Give it a try and take advantage of this glorious weather and the best time of year to find your own mate. Chances are very strong that you’ll be happy you did.
DATING BLOG: Four Women Who are Not the Cast from Sex & the City
Do you read blogs? I never have until last week. I thought I’d find a lot of dating advice from other coaches like me. Nope. What I did find was a large number of sites written by one person, airing out the details of her romantic life (I only looked at the women). Yeah, I kept a dating diary, but no one ever read it! Am I dating myself so to speak? Chronologically of course – any other idea is just plain silly
These bloggers spill the beans openly; the nitty-gritty details of romance good or bad are there in cyber print for all to read! The MySpace generation, which seems to be spanning more than a generation at this point, is verbal, vocal, tell all and not concerned much about privacy. If you like reading real life gossip, trashy romance novel-like entries and have time on your hands – search and read a few of these blogs – it will be quite a trip!
This one has been written by four women who have named themselves the antithesis of each Sex & the City character. That’s right not Miranda, not Carrie, not Samantha and not Charlotte. If you’re bored – visit and laugh – plenty of whining about – you guessed it men in NYC.
Here are two more:
I’m jumping on the blog band wagon too very soon, something to stay tuned for. Until then, happy blogging!
OK, this looks like fun – a singles boomer kayak trip sponsored by the
If you are a green lifestyle supporter, look into www.greenfriends.com You’ll have similar values and preferences that’s for sure.
This is BBQ season. Look in your newspaper’s calendar section or look online for singles event listing – even try Craig’s List to find these seasonal opportunities, find a friend and go! BBQ = Best Boyfriends Quickly (Guys, I know you change this acronym to be gender specific yourselves) Stop groaning and get going!
Meet my new friend Kristina Foreman, professional makeup artist. Her specialty? Totally Customized Makeovers. Typically, makeup artists use standard products. But Kristina customizes the entire process for your makeover. She matches and custom-blends the foundation from the finest minerals and botanicals available today, as well as blush, lip gloss, eye shadow, etc. She creates truly beautiful results for that special event or everyday wear..
Originally based in NY, now in CT, Kristina has been working in the beauty, fashion and bridal industries for over 20 years. Her artistry has been
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