Are you wondering, “Is he a player?” Just thinking about it is not a good sign. Find out what a player really means and how to spot one.
Is He a Player, Seeing Other Women?
“Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,
I met a guy a while back for drinks. Prior to the drinks, we knew each other casually. The night went really well and later he texted to say he had a really good time. From then on, we have been texting back and forth and so I have two questions:
1. He asked me out again, but again suggested we meet for drinks. What’s your take on this? I’m not sure how I feel about just going for drinks with him a second time.
2. During our texts, he mentioned he is accompanying SOMEONE to a wedding. While I was a little curious and unsettled by this, I played it cool and made a joke that he has a busy schedule being an escort. He played along, but made no move to explain who he was escorting. What’s your take on this also and should I be worried? Is he a player?
Thank you very much Ronnie”
First I wish I knew how long ago you had drinks. You said it was a “while ago”. Sounds like at least a couple of weeks right? He’s been texting you since you saw him and has finally asked you out again.
My take is that he did have fun and he is getting you back into rotation. In other words, this is a man who is likely dating several women. He has kept you interested through texting, but his interest in seeing you is not a top priority or he would never have waited to see you again.
Is this bad? Hard to say. What if he is playing the field to see which woman is right for him? That is what I would recommend to all singles; men and women. You shouldn’t date one person (thinking it means something) until you know him better. You never know who is going to flake out and disappear, so don’t limit your options too early.
That’s why I recommend dating multiple people in the beginning so you can see who offers the best match for you. And who sticks around.
Let’s take a step back and really look at this situation from a bigger viewpoint.
A man who is truly interested in you will probably make a date within a week unless he is traveling for business or going on vacation. Keep in mind that these are also perfect excuses to put you off. Keep your eyes and ears open for more details.
However, let’s take another step back. This is a man you’ve had one date with. No matter who the guy is, expect that he is seeing other women. That doesn’t automatically make him a player, but someone who is checking out options before choosing one woman. He doesn’t owe you exclusivity. And he doesn’t owe you an explanation about that wedding either.
Teasing Him Was Perfect
You handled that perfectly by the way. Teasing him shows your confidence. Good for you! Keep in mind that he was straight with you and told you about the wedding and that he is seeing other women. He has put it out there for you to know and is not hiding it.
If you have a real interest in this guy, go for drinks! Keep it light. Enjoy yourself. Get to know him better. And then you will see what he does next. If he likes you and wants to know you better, he will ask for a date more quickly this time. What you want to watch for is if he texts you again for weeks before asking you out again. That’s how you can tell he’s not serious about you. And it can be a tip off to the question, “Is he a player?”
Hold Off on Sleeping with Him
Any man who is serious will want to see you sooner rather than later. It is a good indicator of his interest although not the only one. Trouble is, there are men who rush to see you just to get you into bed and then take off for their next conquest. That’s why I also recommend holding off on intimacy to safeguard your heart.
How to Know He Might Be a Keeper
When a woman asks me if he’s a player, I want to know about his consistency. Does he call weekly and not just text? Does he want to see you at least weekly? Does he want to get to know you and ask questions about your life? These can be good signs of a man’s genuine interest.
How to Know if He’s Likely a Player
On the other hand, if he is secretive, runs hot and cold, comes on strong then disappears only to pop back into your life. these are signs of a player. And there are many more. I actually wrote an entire book about called, Is he the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong.
So D, as your dating coach, I hope this has helped you understand something about Mr. Drinks. Asking you out for drinks is not the issue at all. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
Date him if you like him and keep your EYES WIDE OPEN. At the same time, look around for other men to date that might be more serious about finding love. That’s the best solution!
Wishing You Love,
Photo credit: JMaz Photo