Is He Into Me? His Mixed Signals Are Making Me Crazy!

Are you wondering, “Is he into me?” about the man you’re dating? If his inconsistency is confusing the heck out of you, please read on so you can understand men who behave this way and learn what is going on.

is he into meIs He Into Me or Wasting My Time?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met this guy a year ago in a language course. From our first meeting there was a “spark” between us. During the course, we didn’t have any private interactions. Three weeks after it ended, he started texting and calling and finally we had coffee. He showed up 10 minutes late and told me he had one hour because he had to work.

After, he called and told me how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and that we should meet again soon but then he disappeared for 2 weeks! When he called again he told me he was super busy at work. I know he’s a workaholic, but this is BS, right? Is he into me?

During the next few months we met only twice, both times at my place – he offered to help with heavy lifting at my apartment. He didn’t even try to kiss me. He called after, telling me how he missed me already and that I am such a great girl.

We made plans to meet on several occasions, but he always canceled. I know for a fact he’s neither married nor in a relationship. He loves to contact me when he’s with his friends so that they can hear him flirting with a girl. When I text or call him, he sometimes he doesn’t respond. But if I treat him the same way, he calls me out on that.

To sum things up, he’s been hot and cold and sending mixed signals from the beginning, I know I deserve better, but I really like him. I still hope that maybe he just needs more time? I feel like such an idiot.

Please tell me what you think about this guy and what I should do.

Dangling in Denver”


Dear Dangling,

So you’ve been communicating with this guy for months, but haven’t kissed. His pursuit of you is inconsistent. You also say he likes to show off his flirting with you – hmmm, could he be gay and keeping you around to look straight to his friends? Just a thought.

You ask, “Is he into me?” I have to say “No” or certainly not enough for true, lasting love.

When a man shows this much inconsistency, he’s letting you know you are not his priority and he is NOT serious about you. This will NEVER change or improve with time. Men are at their very best in the beginning and you are way beyond that point. You are holding out hope for a man that will never come around to be the boyfriend you long for.

Don’t be too hard on yourself about this situation. Plenty of women go on hoping for months and sometimes years that a man will somehow change to fit their vision of a good partner. It just won’t happen.

Your Strong Self-Worth Is Empowering

Here’s the good news! You already know you deserve better treatment. Strong self-worth will keep you from hanging on to this guy who is most definitely Mr. Wrong. You want to date a man who consistently sees you at least weekly and stays in touch as well.

Your Signal to Walk Away or Run!

When a man leaves you dangling and wondering, “Is he into me?” that’s like a big fat neon sign blinking NO HE’S NOT. A guy who disappears is telling you he’s nowhere near thinking about commitment and your signal to walk away. Who needs the emotionally unsatisfying, hot and cold and on and off again man? Not you!

How You Know He’s NOT “The One”

Even though you like him, he has proved over months that he’s not the right man for you. You have to like the man as a whole person. Stop focusing only on the parts you like and see the big picture of who he really is. NOT BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

How to Know He’s a Keeper

There are plenty of men out there and you deserve to be with a man who wants to spend time with you. You want a man who cares how you are and doesn’t evaporate for weeks at time. You seek a guy who includes you in his life and introduces you to family and friends. You’re looking for a supportive fellow who doesn’t think only of himself.

The right man finds time to see you no matter how busy. He cherishes you, feels lucky to have found you and lets you know how he feels. That’s when you know you found a keeper.

So with compassion and kindness, I encourage you to stop engaging with this guy and move on to find the right man for you. Make a vow to yourself to stay strong and never allow yourself to be dangled on a string like this again.

Wishing you love,

is he into me


P.S. Read more about mixed signals here


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

6 thoughts on “Is He Into Me? His Mixed Signals Are Making Me Crazy!”

  1. Hi! For about a year ago, I hooked up with a cute guy – call him Peter. I caught feelings for him, and so did he. But rumors started to tear our relationship apart, and in the end he just wanted to be friends because of that. That day, I went to one of his guy friend’s house with my best friend. I was really sad, and wanted some attention. Then Peter found out we were at his friend’s house, got jealous and walked over. My best friend and I left. It has been 1 year. I had finally lost feelings for Peter, but before summer, he started texting me. I am a person who catches feelings fast. He came to my house, and we were kissing. I felt this love and connection and fell in love AGAIN. This leads to the question – Peter says he wants to hang out, but wants to keep it secret because of last year’s rumors. I got irritated, because he ignores my snaps. Why would he do that? I don’t know what to do. I am deeply in love and hope so bad for us being together. Why does he have to be so complicated? I just want to know what he feels. I don’t wanna play this game but I don’t wanna let go.

    • Hi Annelise, First off, when a man wants to keep your relationship secret – that is never a good sign. Makes me wonder if he has another woman. Being his secret is not honoring you or your potential relationship. Why is he so complicated? He’s playing some game – he might like fooling around with you but isn’t into you enough to get past the “rumors”, whatever they are. This is disrespectful. Second, I”m not sure you are in love or in lust. Sexual chemistry is not love. That instant close connection you felt might not be love at all but women often follow this thinking it is. Granted that connection may be very powerful, but that is not love. Love is enjoying who a person is, respecting and appreciating them and being supportive of each other and building each other up. He’s not doing that for you. So your love, if that is what you are feeling, is one-sided. I know you don’t want to hear this and letting go is hard, but you deserve a relationship based on true love, not secrets. Letting go is the best possible thing you can do to stand up for yourself, honor yourself, build self-worth and respect.

  2. I met a guy on an online site about a year ago. We were both coming out of relationships and neither one of us should have been dating yet. He continued to text me for months just to say hi. Now we just started to go out again. Here is the BUT. I asked him to sleep with me at the beginning because I was dying to have sex but stopped after twice. Now I don’t know how to proceed with him. Of course I want to sleep with him but don’t want to screw up dating him. Any advice is appreciated. We are in our 50s.

    • Hi Barbara,

      I’m confused. You slept with him twice and then told him no more to stop? And he’s still asking you out? That could be a good sign actually. I’m not sure what you are worried about.

      The reason not to sleep with a man too quickly is to guard your heart and not get prematurely attached (which many women do), after sleeping with a guy before you know he’s genuinely interested. Do you worry he’ll think you are too easy or just want to use you for sex? It’s too late for those worries since you slept with him twice.

      One thing I know for sure is there’s no going back. That horse is out of the barn. If you have been asking him out, then stop and see if he picks up the ball. On the other hand, if he’s been asking you out and still is, there’s not much to worry about. Go and enjoy. There’s nothing to screw up because you’ve already slept with him. You’ll have to see how things go to know if he’s genuinely interested in building a relationship.

      In the future, if this guy doesn’t work out, do not sleep with a man for several weeks to see if he’s consistent about weekly dates and staying in touch. That’s the best way to vet a man and shake off the players.

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