Inconsistent Men – What His Mixed Signals Tell You About His Intentions

Inconsistent men send mixed signals that can drive you crazy. You wonder, “Why does he ignore me if he likes me?” Maybe he calls, texts or even asks you out sporadically. Find out what it all means.

inconsistent menMixed Signals & Confusing Male Behavior

Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I’ve been talking to this cute guy for three months. We have gone out a few times and it’s been a blast. But he keeps giving me different signals, so I feel confused about us.

Sometimes he acts like he likes me and sometimes he acts like he doesn’t. This is such confusing male behavior!

Why does he ignore me if he likes me? Most of the time I contact him first, usually by text. He does respond, but doesn’t really initiate. What do you think I should do?  What’s your professional opinion on this guy?  Thanks, Texting Gal

Is He Into Me or Not?

Dear Texting Gal,

I realize this is confusing male behavior since he is so inconsistent. You don’t know if he’s into you or not because he’s so on and off again. Any woman would find his mixed signals confusing.

The tendency for most women is to look at his actions that show he DOES like you and rely on them rather than look at the big picture of his overall behavior. Unfortunately, that’s not the best strategy and can easily lead you astray.

That’s why initially, you should let the man lead, just like in ballroom dancing. In other words, don’t initiate anything for the first several (5-8) dates – let him do all the work.

Using this strategy is the ONLY way you can know how interested a man really is. When he makes the effort to get to know you, stay in touch and see you without your prompting, that’s the true test of his interest.

Inconsistent men tend to be flaky and won’t put in this kind of effort.

Why Does He Ignore Me If He Likes Me?

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Why would a man who seems interested choose to ignore you, not respond or delay response? It sure isn’t a sign of true love! Don’t struggle trying to figure out his mixed signals. That’s a big waste of your time.

Instead, I recommend letting him run the show and watch what he does. When you sit back to observe his behavior and notice what he does to be with you, that will make it a lot more obvious what he’s up to. If he’s not consistently pursuing you, he’s not that into you.

What should you do in a case like this?

Do nothing! Don’t text, email, call him, or ask him out. Your job at the start of dating is to respond to his efforts, but that is it. When you hold back on reaching out, inconsistent men show their true colors.

His Silence Sends a Message!

why does he ignore me if he likes meIf you’re still wondering why does he ignore me if he likes me, keep in mind: His silence is a form of communication. He’s telling you through his lack of action that he’s not that into you. He absolutely does not care about you the way you do for him. This is NOT a relationship of balanced attraction or interest.

Signs He Cares But Is Scared

Many of my clients are so busy looking for the signs he cares but is scared, they miss the point entirely. He may act like he cares some of the time.

But if he doesn’t initiate and you always text first or suggest getting together, he’s not into you or the right man for you. These are more examples of confusing male behavior.

He doesn’t care ENOUGH to pursue you consistently, so he’s NOT serious. You know this because his efforts of inconsistent men to see you are sorely lacking.

So, even if he says the sweetest things, sends texts with heart emojis, or tells you he thinks he’s falling for you, it’s all smoke and mirrors if he doesn’t take you on a date at least once a week.

Gain a Better Understanding of Men

why does he ignore me if he likes me - man on benchThese are not signs of being scared, but of insincerity. Maybe he wants attention or to build his ego. He might not be capable of a relationship or he’s cheating on his current woman.

That’s why he’s the wrong man. Inconsistent men leave you hanging with their confusing male behavior. The right man doesn’t send mixed signals!

At the start of dating, following the man’s lead will help you gather important information about him. How often does he text or email? And more importantly, how often does he schedule a date? Inconsistent men just don’t have lasting potential as a mate, regardless of what they say or the attraction you feel.

He’ll Show His True Intentions

inconsistent menThat’s why I recommend you hold back from contacting a man. Give him a chance to show you and demonstrate  what his true intentions are. Follow this advice so you NEVER WASTE YOUR TIME again.

Observing a man’s actions is much better than relying on his sweet words to find out how he really feels. This is how you outfox inconsistent men and their confusing male behavior.

However, in your situation, you’ve already been interacting and dating for a few months. You can’t really start over which makes things more difficult for you.

I’m going to take a risk and be really honest and direct with you since you did ask for my professional opinion.

Inconsistent Men & What You Need to Know

A man’s on again off again efforts to see you and build a strong relationship can be a symptom of several undesirable aspects of his long-term potential. Inconsistent men send mixed signals because they might be:

  • Dating lots of women
  • Not emotionally available
  • Not sure what they want
  • Keeping you “on the line” as a time filler until he finds a better woman
  • Thinking you are better than nothing
  • Wanting to sleep with you without investing much time or effort 

He’s Not Serious about You

why does he ignore me if he likes me In this case I’m sorry to say he’s not serious about you. And when a man isn’t seriously interested, you have no leverage or power to change things. So, please listen to my advice and don’t keep trying.

Make it a point to go out and flirt with new guys to find a man who will consistently call, text and date you. You deserve so much more from a romantic partner.

Don’t put up with this nonsense thinking it’s going to change. If you find yourself wondering “Is he into me?” that’s a sure sign HE’S NOT.

This isn’t a matter of holding out and being patient long enough for him to suddenly get serious and become consistent. Either he is or he isn’t.

No matter how much you like a guy or how good you feel when you are with him, that has nothing to do with his own dating agenda. So many women get caught up in how a man feels vs. what his actions are to win you over. This is where your heart gets broken.

The best thing you can do if you are serious about finding lasting love, is let go of inconsistent men as soon as you see this pattern emerge.

How to Recognize a Relationship Ready Man

On the other hand, there are ways to recognize a man who is relationship ready. It’s time to move on to find a man that wants the same lasting love that you do. Here’s what to watch for to see he might be ready:

  • Calls at least once a week or more
  • Takes you on dates at least once a week
  • Texts in between and stays in touch
  • Wants to get to know you
  • Tries to please you and win you over
  • Introduces you to friends and family (within 2 months or sooner)
  • Asks you to be exclusive (this can take a couple of months)

If you meet enough men, you’ll find a good one and the right one for you!

Wishing you love,
mixed signals

 


P.S. Ready for more “straight talk” dating advice? 


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

195 thoughts on “Inconsistent Men – What His Mixed Signals Tell You About His Intentions”

  1. Dearest Ronnie, Much of what you read online, as well as the dating coaches on YouTube are geared for younger people. Dating in your -fifties present other problems. After dating a man for six months, he fell off the planet. Did he ghost me, yes and no. After a couple of days, I texted him (it was the only time I texted him first). Much to my surprise he had prostate cancer surgery. I was devastated that he didn’t tell me. After speaking with a prostate cancer caregivers group, it seems men feel less of a man if they can’t perform and will only talk about it when ready. It took him 11 months before he contacted me. His text was about something we shared in common. I responded, but didn’t hear back for two weeks. I responded. Two weeks later I received the next text, read it, deleted it and never replied. That was four months ago and haven’t heard from him since. He watches me on social media and comments, but he will not pickup the phone. Either he’s really not interested in me, thinks I rejected and ghosted him, or found someone new. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • Hi Missy, Thank you for the acknowledgement of my work! Sorry you are going through this. Regardless of his health, it’s sad to say your guy is not emotionally available. Whether he pulled away because of his health and is isolating, or has found someone else, neither works for you. And, given his behavior, I doubt he feels rejected by you not responding to his minimal efforts. Not knowing is hard, but in the end the reason doesn’t matter – only the outcome which is he has exited your life.

      To protect yourself, heal and move on, do what you can to let go. My advice is to block him on social media so his presence doesn’t drag you down. You may also want to block him on your phone unless you want to continue getting worthless texts. There are other men out there – he is not the only one, and doesn’t need to be your last. You can find love again when you feel ready.

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