– Are you the jealous type?
– Have you been known to google your date?
– Do you start worrying right away if the person you are dating is seeing others?
– Do you check your date’s profile for recent activity?
If you have done these things on occasion, well, you’re human. But if you find yourself checking in on a consistent basis – oh oh. You may have spy tendencies. That’s not good. Not good for you, not good for your date either.
Jealously can be a huge problem. It can often stem from a lack of self-confidence or unhappy past experiences. But if you aren’t careful, you may 1) drive your date away or worse 2) drive yourself crazy!
Some people don’t start the spy routine during dating, but find themselves irrepressibly drawn to it once in the relationship. This might include looking at bills that happen to be lying around on the table, checking emails, looking at the cell phone log, etc. None of this is good because it can create and reinforce mistrust. That can be a deep hole that’s hard to climb out of.
This has become a temptation today more than ever with all the technology available. The Internet has taken our curiosity and sometimes transforms it into something more. From checking a myspace page to looking in the computer’s cache, there is a trail to follow if you’re so inclined. The same is true for cell phones and caller ID – there are many ways to keep track of behavior.
So what’s a spy to do? If you have a concern on occasion, and its based on evidence or someone getting caught in a lie, then address it directly with your partner. But if this is a habit you can’t seem to kick, then may I suggest my favorite method for quickly shaking a bad habit – DISTRACTION!
Come up with a list of at least five things you can do to distract yourself when the urge to spy gets overwhelming. Perhaps you call a friend, go for a walk, read a book, watch TV, hit the gym, do a little retail therapy. There are so many distractions in life – take advantage of them!
Of course, you may want to do some longer term work like talking with a professional if this habit has been a destructive force in your life. But I’ll leave that up to you. Don’t ruin your relationships with spying. Take steps now to shift this behavior – there are much more pleasant ways to pass the day.