Wondering how to get over a breakup when he cheated? You’re broken-hearted and feel like this pain will never end. The good news is that you will get past it if you follow these steps to recover, bounce back and start smiling again.
7 Steps to Heal from a Breakup
7 Steps to Heal from a BreakupEveryone gets through a tough emotional situation like this differently. But these empowering seven steps will help you get over a breakup and feel like yourself again faster than you might think. And maybe come out the other end wiser and more optimistic, as you look for love again.
1. It’s Not Your Fault.
When a man cheats on you and this ends your relationship, chances are very strong it had nothing to do with you. Yet, women always look at themselves agonizing over their shortcomings, thinking somehow, they are at fault. Why do women consistently blame themselves?
Most likely his cheating has nothing to do with you. He might have wanted his freedom, felt bored, dissatisfied, or wanted variety. Instead of addressing the issue directly with you, he chose the coward’s way out by cheating. He knew this would make you breakup with him. This is all about him, not you.
2. Closure Is a Myth.
What is closure? Most likely you want to hear a reason why he cheated, so you can argue, refute it and convince him he’s wrong. In other words, the search for closure is the hope to turn things around. Did you talk to him trying understand what really went wrong? How did that go?
This is what I mean when I say there is no such thing as closure – it’s a myth. I can’t imagine he would give you a satisfying reason that would suddenly cause you to say, “Ok, I get why you broke up with me.”
Sometimes closure is about getting the last word or even about trying to inflect pain as retribution. That might feel good momentarily, but it sure won’t change the status of your relationship. If you feel like you must, have the conversation one time. Just know more than that is a self-inflicted mission of painful proportions. Don’t do it.
3. Admit It’s Over.
Face the facts. He cheated, you broke up and your relationship is over. Yeah, it sucks, but that’s how it is. The sooner you stop thinking, “But what if …” the sooner you will be able to get past it and move on. Hanging on to hope for love again with that cheating, lying man keeps you tied to him and will also keep you single.
Admit it’s over and feel the pain to move through it and recover.
4. Stop Communicating with Him.
If you are serious about how to get over a breakup when he cheated, stop texting and talking to him. What you need now more than anything is LESS of him – like nothing to do with him at all. This includes not tracking him on social media. Unfriend if you can’t keep yourself from looking. It’s not rude – it’s self-preservation!
How can you possibly expect to get over that cheating liar when you keep following him and communicating? It’s not possible. You may want to stay friends, but that will come later. For now, you need to be on a program of compete abstinence from that man.
Mourning over this loss takes time. Talking to him is like pouring salt into your wounded heart. Don’t check in to see how he’s doing. Don’t ask friends if they’ve seen him. Focus on the most important person for your recovery – YOU! That’s how to get over being cheated on and lied to.
5. Minimize Obsessing about Him.
You might think you just can’t stop obsessing over him, but that is not true. There are many things you can do to distract yourself from going over everything in your head again and again. In fact, distraction is your best friend and one of the most effective paths to recovery.
When you catch yourself in those emotional thought loops, thinking about all the good times and wishing things were different, try any or ALL of the suggestions in the very next step below.
6. Start to Heal and Recover
Let’s talk about what you CAN DO to get over this cheating man, no matter how much you loved him. Here are a number of powerful suggestions that will get you through the darkest hours and bring you back to wholeness:
- Examine what you learned. When you review your relationship, look back for red flags you ignored about his cheating. Noticing them in hindsight can be easier then when you are going through it and this will make it much easier to recognize the signs should you ever go through this again.
- Try traditional therapy. Hiring a professional to talk with might be the best investment you ever make. You can learn about patterns, how your family history plays a role and what you can do better next time. Plus, it can be very comforting to talk things over with someone who is objective and not one of your girlfriends.
- Get physical. Start an exercise program or be more consistent with what you’re already doing. Hire a trainer to get more from your workout – this can also build confidence in yourself and your looks. Try yoga to stretch your muscles and reach a calm, centered place within.
Increase Self-Care
- Take Epsom salt baths. When you need to relax and detoxify, there’s nothing like an Epsom salt bath. It soothes your muscles and detoxes your body. A bath is great self-care.
- Energetic healing. There are many types of energetic healing that work on you at the emotional and spiritual levels. For example, Reiki is a non-invasive, gentle practice that is amazingly relaxing and restorative. Many spas offer this, as well as massage which is also highly beneficial.
- Read self-help books. There is so much out there to help you let go and move on. Even a book like The Four Agreements which shares a spiritual approach to life (vs. being about breakups) can be eye-opening and healing. Nourish your mind with what can help you grow.
Ways to Refocus
- Start a creative project. Strong emotions can be great fodder for creative projects. Just think about how many hits songs are about a breakup! Try kitting, painting, collage, jewelry making, or learn to play an instrument. This will occupy your brain and squeeze out that obsessive thinking.
- Treat yourself well. Indulge just a little and buy a nice piece of jewelry. Once I bought a diamond heart pendant, so I could feel like a woman who is loved and look like one too. You don’t have to spend a lot to get the feeling – a CZ heart in silver can also do the trick for under $30 bucks. “Retail Therapy” can often bring a smile to your face.
- Travel local or far. Nothing can stimulate your mind like travel. Whether you venture out for a day, a weekend or a couple of weeks, go see something new. Take an interest in exploring and enjoy the adventure.
7. Express Gratitude
It’s easy to focus on your loss, but what can turn things around is remembering what is going well. Gratitude can be a driving force in your life, creating positive energy and attracting good things. If you wonder how to get over a breakup when he cheated, this is always something worth trying and in fact, sometimes a great place to start.
Count your blessings because there is a lot to be grateful for when you think about it. You might have great friends, a wonderful family, a nice place to live, a good job, excellent health and engaging hobbies that make you happy. Even gratitude for a sunny day is worthwhile.
People often forget all that is right in their life. Taking time to acknowledge the good stuff, especially the small things, will bring a smile to your face and make you feel like everything will be OK. And it will be. Life moves on and you will recover.
That’s How to Get Over A Breakup When He Cheated
No matter how brutal your breakup was, you now have plenty of ways to get over that man. After a relatively short pity party (you can’t afford to wallow girlfriend), take action! These methods for how to get over a breakup when he cheated will get you started on the path to recovery and help you start smiling again.
And, when you feel ready to get back out there, the first thing to do is raise your love vibration so you can attract a better man. Listen to my free audio program 8 Ways to Raise Your Love Vibration
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
