How To Get A Second Chance With Your Ex (Without Sounding Desperate)

Seeking a second chance with your ex? Thankfully, breakups are not always permanent. If you made a mistake or could have behaved better and want a second chance, try these seven tips to connect with your ex and discuss the possibilities of getting back together.

second chance with your ex7 Tips to Get a Second Chance With Your Ex

Below you’ll find seven different ways to discuss what happened and see if the possibility exists to rekindle your romance. You don’t have to use them all of course. But, you may want to try a few.

Heart-Felt Apology

Taking the blame is one sure way to get your ex to hear you out. Were you wrong or did you contribute to the split? If so, admit it! You’ll be surprised at how relieved your partner is to hear you say this.

A breakup is often hard for both people. When you accept responsibility for what transpired, you can smooth the road for a possible reconciliation. Talk about what you regret or wish you could have handled better. Discuss what you learned from the breakup and what you’ll do differently in the future if given a second chance.

What makes a good apology? Saying you are sorry, sharing what you think you did wrong and promising how you’ll never do that again. Showing love and respect are both super important if you want to be taken seriously.  A gift of flowers and chocolate or something similar that he really loves can’t hurt either.

Answer Questions

If your ex has questions about why you broke up, be willing to discuss the issues with a lot of patience. Show your ex the willingness to hear him out and address his concerns about the disagreement and the future. That IS loving.

When your partner feels heard, especially If this is something that is a sticking point, that will also go a long way towards softening him up and getting a second chance with your ex. Facing this kind of difficult conversation demonstrates your sincere desire to make amends and be together again.

Make a Shift

Was your lifestyle the problem? Maybe you were out too many nights or worked too much. Perhaps you took your partner for granted and didn’t make enough time to be together. Get clear on what the problem really was, because that is the only way you can potentially fix it.

If you are open to making changes and address your partner’s concerns, that is a huge step for reuniting. Just remember, this can’t be lip service. You must make the shifts you promise, or you’ll be back in the same difficult situation where you left off.

If there are things you wish your ex did differently, don’t sweep that under the carpet either. Now is the time to talk about all of it, so you can start with a clean slate. That’s how you get a second chance with your ex.

Change in Lifestyle

If time has gone by and you have made significant changes in your lifestyle, good for you. Whether it’s been weeks or even months, let your partner know that you have changed. Really changed. Explain how things are different and why that matters now.

Have you adopted healthier habits, paid off some debt, or cleaned up your act? Let him know all the good that you are up to. Combine this with an apology to make an even stronger case for reconciliation.

Learn to Listen

Poor communication causes a large percentage of disagreements. This can be a huge problem that makes what could have been a small issue, mushroom into a war-like argument. When you learn how to express your feelings productively and discuss things in a clear, calm manner, a lot of problems can be resolved.

Reflective Listening is one great method for talking things through.  The first person shares feelings and a point of view, and the listener repeats it back in his or her own words. There is no interrupting; you patiently wait until each person takes a turn and is heard.

Use this simple process to ensure you both understand what is being said, avoiding further miscommunication. Then you can switch places, so both people get a turn. Learning to communicate well is a strong way to get a second chance with your ex.

Agree to use this simple method any time a disagreement comes up. This demonstrates your serious intent about getting along and will alleviate any fears of not being heard in the future.

Keep Promises

If your ex requires your promise to change your behavior, and you are able to do this, go for it.  Give it a shot as long as the request seems reasonable and doesn’t cause you stress or damage your self-esteem. Perhaps your ex is willing to do this also and make a change for you at the same time.

Trying new things and learning new methods to get along will improve your life together. And, you’ll both experience personal growth. Couples who learn together, grow together and more often stay together. Making and then keeping promises goes a long way for a second chance with your ex.

Seek Help

If your conversations and attempts to correct the problem are not working, but you still desire to be together, seek professional help. Start by reading the same relationship book and talking about what you learned as you both go through it.

Another big step that can create positive results and growth in the relationship is to try couples’ counseling. An objective third party can help you understand the source of your problem and how to resolve it effectively.

Is a Second Chance With Your Ex Worth It?

Before you try to get your ex back, make sure this isn’t just a reaction to the loss or that you feel lonely. The last thing you want is to end up in the same arguments or have an unhappy relationship again.

If he treated you poorly, you felt disrespect or were unhappy more of the time, don’t go back for more. Things will not get better and love alone is NOT enough to sustain a healthy, lasting relationship.

However, if you usually got along, but a big fight ruined everything, that might be worth the effort to reclaim what you once had as a loving couple. You might also want to read How to get over a breakup just in case

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “How To Get A Second Chance With Your Ex (Without Sounding Desperate)”

  1. I am trying to win the love of my life for almost 2 years back who left me and we were somewhat engaged. She left me stating that we should break up and see other people because all we did was fight. I have been talking to her and she doesn’t want to date me or be with me anymore and only be friends. I poured my heart out to her. It turns out it started when I was volunteering for an event where she just wanted me to spend time with her. I had no idea that was what she wanted. I want to have the love of my life back. I was lucky,happy and loved having her by my side. How she made me. We were by each other’s side through doctor visits, medical issues, hospital stays and times we had to go to the ER for each other. I want that all back. I miss her even though we still talk as just friends I want to get back. I need your help

    • Hi Brandon, So sorry you are hurting but she has made a decision and you need to respect that. If she decides to change her mind, that’s all on her. Right now, what you need to do is let go. Sometimes there’s just no going back. If all you did was fight and have disagreements, that doesn’t even sound healthy. Take care of yourself and heal. She’s not the only woman and you can find love again.

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