How to Attract a Man: 3 Reasons Why Being Guarded Keeps You Single


Curious about how to attract a man?

how to attract a man, dating coachFirst find out why being guarded can prevent you from finding love because that will help you learn how to attract a man and the love you crave.

Are you dating after 40 and finding it hard to connect with the right man? Maybe you aren’t meeting any decent men. Maybe you meet men who seem great, but disappear. Or maybe you haven’t started dating because you fear being rejected or have heard too many bad dating stories.

When dating over 50 or anytime in midlife, you have your own life experiences to cope with. These experiences make you person you are today, but they can also keep you from getting what you want. The problem is once you hit midlife – you have baggage – there’s no two ways about it.

Baggage means you have lived through:

  • Being cheated on or lied to
  • Dating disasters
  • Bad divorce
  • Terrible breakup
  • Growing apart
  • Death of a partner

You get the idea. These difficult romantic experiences color your perception of how love works and also how you go about looking for love again. Often, these unsettling and unhappy experiences cause you to try to date while guarding your heart. And that is a HUGE PROBLEM.

You Can’t Find Love With a Guarded Heart

See, you can’t find the kind of man you want if your heart is guarded. I guarantee it will get in the way and I have three big reasons why this is so:

1. You Expect to Meet “Bad” Men

When your heart is guarded, you feel you must be wary of romantic villains. You expect most men to be cads. So you walk around looking for red flags about the men you meet and think they are out to get you. In other words, you expect the worst and sadly that’s what you will find. Yes, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When you put your sights on avoiding the wrong men – you are still thinking and focusing on “the wrong men”. With that much attention to the bad guys, you magnetically tend to attract…the kind of men who prove you right. You believe most men stink and so you find ways to prove the truth in that.

2. You Focus on Protecting Yourself Rather than Being a Desirable Woman

When your heart is guarded, you are not thinking about how you come across to men. Instead you are too busy judging them. But dating is a two-way street. It’s not just about what you want in a partner, but what you can provide as a partner. Men are looking for the right woman, and that won’t be you if you aren’t thinking about presenting yourself in the best possible light.

There are plenty of angry, bitter and heartbroken single women out there. You don’t want to go on dates as “one of them.” You want to be open, fun, light-hearted, warm and friendly. Can you really be friendly and warm with a guarded heart? Not likely.

3. You Can’t Find a Heart Connection When Your Heart Is Not Open

When your heart is guarded, you will not be able to connect at the heart level. With your heart closed down in protection, a warm-hearted man will not have access to that amazing part of you. So he’ll think you are a cold-hearted bitch or a skittish woman lacking confidence. Neither one of those describes who you want to be does it? I doubt it.

If you truly want to find the right man as your romantic partner, he needs to see who you really are. He needs to experience your openness, your inner beauty,  and the light you shine. You can’t wait to show him that later, most good men want to see that potential in you now, when you first meet.

How Can You Date with an Open Heart and Stay Safe?

Now this is what you really need to know. Remember this essential truth:




That is correct. Even though you cannot make a man do anything he doesn’t want to do (like ask you out again etc.) you are in charge of dating smart. You can say yes or no to when you are free. You can avoid s.e.x until you get to know him better. You set the pace on how often he can talk to you, text you or date you. You are in charge.

Women are the gatekeepers and mostly, the women I encounter seem to forget this incredible power. Instead you focus on the bad things men might do or being watchful for his negative aspects. So you ignore your feminine allure and the tremendous power over men you do have. The power to say “Yes” or “No.”

When you date holding onto fear, you will not attract the kind of special man you want. How can you when you are focused on protecting yourself?

You won’t be seen as:

  • Emotionally attractive
  • Warm-hearted
  • Open and available
  • Confident and self-assured
  • Desirable and a real catch

There’s only one way to embody these desirable qualities to be the amazing date you truly are…

You need to be confident and know you are a great catch. You must know you are the “Prize” as Steve Harvey says. And then you need to date smart.

I’m not suggesting you should be a door mat and let men take advantage of you. So let me be very specific.

  1. Know you are a great catch and the prize
  2. Know that one guy is not the only man out there
  3. Don’t fall for any man too fast
  4. Let him pursue you so you can see who he is
  5. Wait for him to demonstrate consistent interest before you close out other options
  6. Let him prove he is trustworthy over time
  7. Don’t accept any substandard treatment – walk away
  8. Don’t believe his lame excuses
  9. Don’t get into any texting or phone relationships that end up being meaningless
  10. Recognize your feminine power and tremendous allure

This is how confident women behave and that is what I want for you. Don’t guard your heart, dating in fear. Be bold and know you are really something. Date smart and don’t accept crumbs from an unavailable man. If this guy isn’t the one, maybe the next one will be the love you’ve been awaiting.

Drop your guard and be smart instead. Now you’ll be open and able to connect with a man at the heart level – if he is looking for that type of connection with you. You are in charge! Don’t forget that. Anything else is fear based. Don’t seek love from that sad and limited place.

If you want to really get this, watch the movie Something’s Gotta Give with Diane Keaton. Pay attention to her transformation which is very well portrayed. Then you’ll get the idea.


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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