Dating After Divorce: How Come He Flirts via Email, But Doesn’t Ask Me Out?

Have you encountered one of these guys? The banter and flirting back and forth via the Internet is fantastic. He has such a great sense of humor and seems really fun and interested in you. After all, why would he waste so much time flirting with you if he didn’t like you? And if he likes you that much, he must be attracted, so he must want to date you right?

Nope. Not necessarily. Surprising as it may seem, some men just want to email, some men just want to flirt, and some men want to flirt via telephone. But that has nothing to do with actually asking you out or meeting you. For some reason, these men get their needs met just from these exchanges and don’t feel the need to take things to the next step. You know – dating. Live, in-person communication.

But why? Well there are so many possibilities! Maybe:

  • Mr. Flirty is married, so this is a safe way to flirt but not actually cheat 
  • He’s dating someone, but still wants to flirt
  • Flirting with you boosts his ego
  • Flirting is so much fun – it’s a great creative outlet
  • Flirting with you is safe – not much risk via email
  • That’s not his photo on his  profile, so he can’t meet you
  • He’s not really interested in dating right now
  • He’s not capable of much more than flirting
  • He likes the fantasy better than the real thing
  • He likes flirting with you, but knows you aren’t the right one for him

And I’ve just started to scratch the surface. There are as many potential reasons for this perplexing behavior as there are men.

The point is – don’t waste time trying to figure this out. Because you’ll never really know. It’s one of life’s big mysteries.

Here’s What You Can Do
Stop responding to his emails or engaging with him – this wastes your time and romantic energy. The last thing you want is a pen pal who will frustrate the heck out of you and take up space in your heart. Don’t get sucked into the email (or telephone) game and fantasy. Save your energy for a real man who is ready for relationship. A guy who wants to meet you, get to know you. and spend time with you.

Reframe the Episode
Keep in mind that it’s not all wasted energy if you’ve been in this situation. After all, it is flattering. He was attracted enough to spend time flirting. You must be fun to flirt with. You are probably even good at flirting right? And maybe you learned a few new flirty tricks along the way. That’s all good. 

Look at the situation as a fun learning experience. Let it boost your own ego, sense of appeal, allure and ability to attract men. Then re-commit yourself to finding the right man for you and MOVE ON!

There are plenty more men to flirt with, so find one who has the same dating agenda as you do – finding a loving, healthy, long-term relationship.


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

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