His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing to Me!

His mixed signals are one of the biggest sources of frustration for women. If you’re seeing a man who drunk dials or texts but doesn’t make dates to see you, this post will clear things up.

Mixed SignalsHelp Me Understand Men’s Mixed Message

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

Back in January, a friend from college and I reconnected through Facebook. He lives in a different state about six hours away. He came up to visit a few weeks later to see friends and saw me too. In between then and the first Facebook message he was constantly texting and face timing me.

He called me when he got into town, we met up that night and hooked up. After that, his texts were vague and short that entire weekend until Sunday night when I just stopped answering. These mixed signals are totally confusing me.

I figured he got what he wanted when we hooked up and so I gave up hope on him. Now it’s May and he still texts me 2-3 days a week and almost every weekend drunkenly face times me. He always wants to know when I am going to come visit.

I am so confused and tired of this? What does any of this mean? Ronnie, please help me with understanding men.

Thanks for your help,
Confused in Colorado”

Dear Confused,

It can be so confusing when a man stays in touch, but doesn’t make time to see you. Or he only contacts you when he’s drunk which is even worse. Here’s how I see the situation.

Attraction Is Not Enough

This man absolutely IS attracted to you, but that is not enough to make things work or progress. You clearly want a full relationship and he’s  happy with texting and a hookup. Based on his drunken behavior, my bet is he’s not at all capable of the full relationship you want and deserve.

He’s not a bad person or using you or anything like that. His desire for connection is highlighted by his drinking. Normally he holds back, but when he’s drinking his defenses are down and his desire comes out. That’s not the kind of man who can give you what you want. Since he doesn’t get there without a few drinks, he’s definitely not emotionally available which is the same as saying he’s not relationship ready.

I hope that clears up mixed signals from men. You most likely had an inkling about this on your own. The most empowering thing you can do for yourself is not interpreting mixed signals from men.  Instead, next time you get mixed messages like this from a man, you’ll remember this post and hopefully walk away knowing he is not the right man for you.

The right man doesn’t send mixed signals.

He consistently asks you out on dates and connects in between because he wants to spend time with you and get to know you better. He doesn’t disappear or stop asking you out or get too busy to see you. These are excuses to put a woman off and nothing more. Don’t let this confuse you – take it for what it really is. A man behaves like this to push you away. He’s not ready or not interested.

What should your next step be? First, don’t bother engaging with a mixed signals man any further. Sadly, he’ll never come around to what you want. However, the good news is that you have reconnected with your own desire for love and relationship!

This is your time to find love.

Let your college friend be the catalyst who gets you moving towards your heart’s desire. Take time to figure out the qualities of your ideal man. Think about your ideal relationship and how you are together. This is your new benchmark to figure out if you’ve met the right man.

Next create a plan for meeting men. Put events on your calendar, go out and mingle. Do something every week and you will be well on your way to finding the right man for you.

Wishing you love,

mixed signals


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing to Me!”

  1. We had first seen each other 5years back. I used to admire him alot but one of my friends, who is his neighbour once told me that he is a flirt. Now after 5years, we have started texting regularly and continuously. I don’t think he is a bad person. He admitted that he used to be a flirt because he had got ditched back then so he stopped believing in relationships but now he is matured enough to let go of things now but the way he texts me, i guess he likes me. He calls me too at times and we talk over the phone for hours but we never meet. He never asks me out and i do the same. He gets angry when i go offline. I have drowned in him again. What do you think i should do?
    Please reply.

    • Hi Tenzin, if you are not going on weekly dates, you are wasting your time. I know that sounds harsh but the truth is you are living a fantasy. It’s time to get real, admit there is nothing with this man, and move on. You are not missing out on anything because you do not have a true relationship which requires face-to-face dates at least weekly. Men like this want attention but don’t want a real relationship.

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