Dating Over 40: He’s Not “My” Type

Do you meet men, but none of them are right for you?
Do the men you date have similar issues or patterns?

This week I had a client who said she didn’t meet many men who interested her.  When women say this, I always ask if they have a "type."  Dana denied it.  "Nope, I don’t have a type of man."  Well maybe she just couldn’t really describe him . 

So I asked more questions (what any good coach does) Turns out Dana certainly does have a type.  Having grown up in the 60’s, she likes liberal-hearted men.

Next, I asked what she had discovered as the problem with her type of guy.  Once again, Dana denied any problems.  "Nope – they have nothing in common." she remarked. Digging deeper, Dana and I discovered that the liberal men she finds most attractive, have commitment issues!

I bring this up for any woman who:
1) Claims she doesn’t meet men who she finds interesting 
2) Claims that the men she meets aren’t her "type"
3) Claims that her type of man doesn’t have similar relationship issues

If you have a "type" chances are strong that when you look back – your "type" may create the strongest attraction for you, but not the strongest relationships.  

When a client calls me to say, "I’m dating a new guy and he is SO different than most of the men I’ve dated." I give a little cheer and feel highly optimistic.  More often than not, this is the relationship that sticks!  So think about it next time you go out to meet people.  Push past your type to see who might be a far better, longer lasting and less problematic match for you. 

Happy Hunting!

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

5 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: He’s Not “My” Type”

  1. Danny,
    It’s impossible to know what she was thinking. The most important thing is that unfortunately, you are not her type, which means she’s not into you.

    There is nothing you can do to change this. So why does it matter if it’s because she’s not over her ex or due to some other reason? My advice is to move on.

    If a few months she’s still single and you are too, and you really want to give it another try, go ahead. But for now – there are plenty of fabulous women out there so start talking to them!

  2. the girl recently just broke up with her one and half year boyfriend,because her ex-boyfriend treat her very badly….ever since the guy started to express his love toward her,her ex-boyfriend started to want her back..when the girl said she does not have feelings toward the guy, because he’s not her type, did she mean it or is because she can’t forget her ex-boyfriend?

  3. what can a guy do after he heard that the girl he is interested told him that ” you are not the type of guy i want”? And when he asked the girl what type of guy she want,the girl can’t answer. the girl only said ” i don’t know”. Should the guy give up?

  4. Ore – good for you for deciding to go easy on yourself and others. That’s a big step and one that will make dating so much easier!

  5. After reading your answer i found out it was indeed true.
    I have never really found someone who was my “type” and my friend despairs of me cos it seems she doesn’t really see men who are interested.
    I think i am also a bit too judgemental and also a little insecure which is not a good combination.
    I will try to be easier on myself and people.
    Thank you.
    Nigeria,West Africa


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