Heartbreak: How Do I Stop Loving a Man Who Is Using Me?

hret break, find love, dating ccoach
Heartbreak from an Abusive Relationship

Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I have to tell you about the heartbreak of a relationship I am in and want to get out of.

Three years ago I joined the company I work for. A male colleague started flirting with me soon after. I really like him a lot. At first I thought he felt the same way and I was so happily flirting with him (sms, emails,etc).

I did confess my feelings to him and he said he knew it . But he never ask me out for a date. All he did was ask me to meet up for hugs, kisses and intimacy. I even gave him my first time. He always ask for naked photo shot from me. At first I hesitated, but after that I gave in….

But he told me he is not ready to have a girlfriend and prefers leading a single life. He even told me that he likes me, but not the girlfriend type of like.

After that, my best friend joined the company, he became stranger and ignored me for few months. I was  confused. He even blocked me from messenger. I found out he actually went out with my best friend and I felt so hurt. But I never mentioned this to him. Talk about heartbreak.

I know I’m not suppose to see him anymore. But his sweet talk and flirtations make me give in. I confronted him about my friend, he admitted that he likes her and wanted her as girlfriend and pursued her.

Now I’m still in an underground relationship with him. We never go out for a date or for dinner. He only requests meeting up for s.e.x. What should I do? Deep down I know he’s just using me. but I couldn’t help it. I  tried to ignore him and I became so miserable during that time and I gave in again.

I’m so worried…I do not know how to pull myself out from this kind of relationship. Please help me to not love him…This is such a heartbreak for me

Giving in Again in Gainesville


Avoiding More Heartbreak

Dear Giving In,

OMG! This is a terrible heartbreak situation. This man is totally taking advantage of your feelings for him. And you are letting him treat you terribly!

1. First, this is time to work on your self-esteem. You are a woman worthy of real love, not convenient s.e.x with a man who does not love you.

2. He did tell you that you are not his type of girlfriend. Why didn’t you believe him? When a man says you aren’t the one – run the other way! That’s the best way to avoid future heartbreak.

3. Don’t send naked pictures of yourself by phone or Internet! These remain permanently out there in cyber space and can hurt you in the future. This could impact future jobs or relationships. Please protect your privacy.

4. Recognize this awful guy for who he is – a mean, self-serving, cruel and unloving soul who is happy to take advantage of you. But in all fairness, you have allowed it. It is up to you to end this abusive situation. This goes deeper than heartbreak if you ask me.

5. If you want people to treat you right, you must first treat yourself right. Find the self-respect you need to turn your back on this fellow. This relationship is abusive and hurting you deeply. Please  consider working with a therapist who can help you get back on track and value yourself again.

I wish you the strength to get out of this situation and end the heart break. Here are my suggestions as a dating coach:

  • Don’t talk to him.
  • Don’t text, sms, email or call him.
  • Avoid him when you see him and stay away from him.
  • Do not give in one more time – ever!

Real love involves sharing and give and take. This man only takes and gives you nothing. You deserve so much more. Stand up for yourself now so you can find love that is healthy and fulfilling.

The best way to stop loving the wrong man is to start loving yourself first. That is the first step to healing and becoming whole again. Sometimes, things are really that basic.

Photo Credit: WolfSoul

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

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