You’ve been “talking” to this guy for a while and he texts but doesn’t make plans? “Talking” to a guy means you’ve literally been talking, texting, video chatting or emailing, but NOT DATING.
Let’s change that right now!
How to Get Past Texting
How to Get Past TextingTexting and talking on the phone can be lots of fun as you get to know a man. Yet, that’s not enough! You want to spend time together and see each other face-to-face.
He’s got to take that important next step to ask you out if you are going to have a genuine relationship and not a virtual one.
What’s this texting and talking behavior about anyway?
If he texts but doesn’t make plans, nothing can be more annoying. You click with this guy you met online, go back and forth for a while, but never meet him!
The texting is fun, and you feel like you’ve made a connection. That’s why it doesn’t make sense and you wonder if he’s maybe…
- Too shy to ask you out?
- Busy with work or other things right now?
- Seeing other women?
You simply have no idea what the problem is. And this keeps happening with new guys too, which explains why it’s getting under your skin and driving you crazy!
You’ve asked your girlfriends what they think and get differing opinions. No one seems to know for sure.
You might have asked a guy friend why he texts but doesn’t make plans, but that didn’t help you get a clear answer either.
How to Go from “Talking” to Dating
Once and for all you just want to understand – how can you go from “talking” to dating that man?
Now, I’m not a fan of being forward or asking men out. What works best even today in this modern world of dating is to let men pursue you.
That’s the ONLY WAY you’ll know if a guy likes you.
When you ask a man out more than once, you have no way of knowing if he’s going along for the ride because you’re good enough for now. As if you’re just a placeholder until he finds someone better.
Another reason he might say yes to your invitation to go on a date is that he’s bored and this will give him something to do. Or, maybe he accepts the date because he really IS interested.
Impossible to tell the difference, right? How can you know for sure? One thing I know for sure, you CAN’T KNOW if you do the asking. That’s why I recommend never asking a man out more than once. Never.
Fewer Men Are Taking the Next Step
For some reason, there has been a noticeable shift in men today. Fewer men are taking that all-important first step – getting past “talking” and asking women out.
You can’t imagine how many emails I get from women like you who complain about how he texts but doesn’t make plans.
It’s not due to a man’s shyness. You don’t intimidate him, although I know that’s a popular theory among single women for why he doesn’t ask you out, especially the successful ones.
Many men today have been crushed by women, rejected countless times or hurt and deeply wounded. So they hang back wanting to MAKE SURE you really like them before taking that important next step to ask you out.
So, this is the ONE TIME it’s OK to take matters into your own hands. If he texts but doesn’t make plans, who will? Yeah, it might need to be you. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I am.
There are a few essential and simple guidelines to help you know exactly what to say and do. If you stick to the script I provide below, don’t veer off or try this more than once with the same guy, you’ll be good to go!
Say This to Set a Date
If you’re on the phone with him, (since you don’t meet men without speaking to them first, right?) the call is coming to a close and he hasn’t said anything about getting together, try this:
Say, “It’s been fun talking to you. Why don’t we get a cup of coffee (glass of wine/beer) and see if there’s any chemistry?”
Then, don’t say another word, no matter how long the pause is. This way you’ll get a feel for what he’s thinking. There are a few different ways this could go:
1. If he takes a long time to respond
That’s not a good sign. He probably wasn’t going to ever ask you out. Just wrap it up, say goodbye and look for another man. Don’t let this guy waste your precious time if he has no intentions to date you. He had his shot, he blew it, move on and do NOT look back.
2. He makes excuses
He says he has to look at his calendar or check with his ex or whatever. Excuses are not a good sign either. Now you know he’s not genuinely interested, so let him go and move on. Don’t keep texting and talking, hoping he’ll want to date you someday. He won’t.
3. If he says, “Sounds like a good idea”
Don’t stop there! Say this, “Great, when are you thinking?” This engages him in the process of setting up the date.
Don’t get off the phone without a plan. That means a day, time and place. If you end the call without a plan, you may never have one.
If he chooses a day you aren’t free, no problem. Just say, “That’s not good for me, what about Thursday at 7?” Always provide an alternative even if you have to negotiate to time further, so you have a plan.
Why Hasn’t He Texted Me Back?
Why Hasn’t He Texted Me Back?Maybe you did ask him to get a cup of coffee or meet at one point, but didn’t get a response. Maybe he ignored the text completely, or that’s the place where he pulled back and drifted away. so, now you are wondering why hasn’t he texted me back?
Don’t start blaming yourself. You assume it must be something you did or said. Many women automatically start evaluating their own behavior or review every word spoken to texted. This is likely not the case at all.
There are literally a million reasons to answer, “Why he hasn’t texted me back?” And from this love and dating coach’s perspective, none of them matter.
The simple fact that he didn’t respond or suddenly stopped communicating, let’s you know, without a doubt, he’s the wrong man and not worth your time. A man truly interested would NEVER do this!
He Texts But Doesn’t Make Plans or Ask Me Out
Now you know how to move things along from texting and talking to dating that man! Don’t let his reluctance to make a plan drag on into the future. Or hang in there being nice, patient or hoping he’ll someday follow through with you.
Move on, so you can find a better man – one who wants to date you!
This is the only way to find out a guy’s true interest level. A lot of men just want to communicate to flirt and get some feminine attention, but never intend to meet.
This builds his ego, soothes his soul or allows him to feel connected to someone who cares. You are actually providing emotional support without getting the benefits of dating him. Most women are compassionate listeners and empathetic friends.
Don’t Support Him, Hoping for Love
However, don’t pour your heart and soul into supporting some guy who seems nice, hoping he’ll come to date and love you. That’s like bargaining for his attention, thinking…”If I’m nice and supportive, he’s got to want me.” Never trade anything for love.
Women through the ages have traded sex hoping for love or cooked meals, cleaned a man’s house, given gifts, and more.
This is not how to get a man to love you. He has to WANT a relationship with you for your dream of love to come true. You can’t lure him into it or change him to get his love. If he doesn’t want a relationship – that’s it, over and done.
Why support a man emotionally without meeting him or having dates? It might be satisfying to some degree, giving you the feeling like you’re in a relationship. BUT YOU’RE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. It’s virtual, not REAL.
Either get him out on a date or say, “Bye-bye!” Block him if you have to because you are serious about finding love, and you won’t let some guy string you along.
If he texts but doesn’t make plans, don’t let him waste your time or wrap you around his little finger to be at his beck and call in case someday he agrees to meet you.
If You’re Serious About Finding Love
When you are serious about finding lasting love and a long-term relationship, you value yourself and your time. Knowing you are worthy of more than “talking,” you don’t get sucked in when he texts but doesn’t make plans.
You make tough decisions like cutting off a talker/texter and blocking him because you know you DESERVE MORE.
You won’t settle for anything less than a real, passionate, face-to-face relationship for an epic love that lasts and grows!
If you’re looking for more about texting and heart breaking mistakes you want to avoid, download my book 7 Deadly Sins of Texting
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Hi Ronnie,
I actually had this scenario happen a lot. Often the guy seemed very keen on asking me out the first couple of times but after the 2nd or 3rd date, which went quite well, they kept texting me everyday with long text conversations throughout the day or even calling me but not asking me out again. Or they tentatively asked to meet but always changed their plan last minute.
Why would these men want to spend so much time texting/talking, seem very attentive but never want to meet in person again?
i matched with a guy he seemed really nice and than i suggested we meet up we were only texting for about 1 to 2 weeks, i suggested coffee tea or a cocktails he said sure sounds good. but would never meet me and than i asked again want to meet he said he is not in any position to meet me or anyone else when i asked what does that mean he said i dont think we should communicate anymore. meanwhile i now see him on another dating site. I getting discourage why did he just say he was not interested.
Hi Diana, It can be hard to fathom why people get online, but then don’t want to date. Probably, your mind doesn’t work this way, but after 20 years in the dating business, I’ve sort of heard it all. So, let me give you two of the most likely reasons and neither one has anything to do with you. 1) He’s married or in a relationship and wants some variety without physically cheating. Some women are happy to text forever and be a man’s fantasy, not realizing this is the game they are participating in. This is most likely the case in your situation. 2) He’s not capable of a real relationship. Again this kind of guy is great at texting and maybe talking on the phone but doesn’t want to actually meet or get involved. I hope this helps you see why you don’t want to take this personally. when a man doesn’t want to meet, block him and move on. Keep it simple like this, keep meeting men, don’t put up with any excuses or poor treatment to be “nice”, and you will find love.
Thank you, I agree 100% that being nice doesn’t pay off in these situations.
I agree with Grace. I met someone once online. Only time I met him in person was also at the location of his convenience in his hometown. He made plans twice to visit but cancelled both times. I still gave benefit of doubt, he was even more inconsiderate and never apologized or gave me anything concrete for cancelling plans so many times. Here is the interesting part, when I said I am done texting best of luck to you (basically goodbye), rather than apologizing, I was told that you are too emotional, followed by another text a week later saying I think you are really upset. I had already said bye so I ignored them. Then, after another 10 days I get a text which sounds like nothing ever happened. I asked why are you talking to me? Then, I was told that oh you disappeared without a bye. I said I did say goodbye but sorry if you didn’t get it. best of luck to you again. Can you believe it? He wanted to completely act like I never said farewell.
Hi Stephanie, Well now you know what a good decision you made. This is a case where you are so much better off. I think one cancellation is understandable, but two is a pattern. The benefit of the doubt only applies ONCE – not to multiple situations.
One thing I learned the hard way when I was dating – don’t say good bye to a man you haven’t heard from. For some reason it ALWAYS causes this kind of ridiculous back and forth. Either they beg for another chance or they say its your fault. Best to know it’s over, block the number, and say nothing. This is where being nice doesn’t pay off. I hope you blocked him now – if not please do it today!