He Left, But He Said He Loved Me
Hello Ronnie The Dating Coach,
“I was dating this guy last summer and we had a wonderful time. He was all over me. When I was with friends and family he made me feel loved accepted. When we were alone, he was the sweetest thing. Flowers, gifts all the beautiful wonderful concert, opera – you name it. He sent me the most beautiful vase of flowers, took me to dinner.
Then five days ago he called me and said to me there is something he wanted to talk to me about. We had dinner, then he told me openly that he is not going to see me any more because he is not in love with me. What do you make of that sort of behavior? Please tell me.
Anyway I have gotten over that BUT, DO NOT WANT to repeat this again. Please help me here Ronnie I need some advice.”
First of all, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I know this sort of situation can be heart breaking, with lasting impact. I’m so glad to hear you have gotten over this. And I totally get why you certainly don’t want to do that again.
When a man is everything you want and hope for, how can you know he could change his mind just like that? Sadly, you can’t. There is no way to know when a romance junkie like this guy might show up. However, there are signs to watch for and ways to guard your heart so you don’t have a repeat performance.
First, I wish I knew how long you dated this fellow? Was it several months or 4-6 weeks? As a dating coach for women who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I often share with my clients my red flags for what I call “Romance Junkies”. These men love to be in love. They want and need to be adored. So they do everything they can to make you fall for them. But then, things get boring, the newness wears off, and they move on to start all over again.
Since it’s impossible to know if they guy is a junkie or the real thing, you have to watch for certain behaviors. I always recommend not falling in love right away. Try to keep a “We’ll See” attitude about the men you date during the initial phase. If you make it to three months, which is a common breaking point, then you may have a keeper. A Romance Junkie will rarely stick around that long.
He left – How could I know?
Watch for consistency. Did he keep his word? Do what he promised? Or make excuses? Show up late? Forget to call etc.? These can be tell tale signs that he’s a junkie. Also, if a man professes love very quickly – sometimes in hte first few dates, that can be a red flag. When he seems too good to be true, he just might be.
I saw a new guy 4 times in 10 days. He called every night and talked about future plans with me. I was so excited! But after the 4th date, nothing. He disappeared and I never heard from him again. I called to ask what happened and he made a plan to get together to talk with me – but never showed up. It was awful.
I wasted 4 years of my life recovering so I really understand the pain this situation can cause. And that is why I came up with the red flags and signs to watch for.
The real trick is not to believe what a man says at first. Take it in. But, keep that “We’ll see” attitude to see if he actually comes through on promises. Some men just like the sound of things and try it on to see how it would feel. But it doesn’t mean they will do things, just because they say them.
Dating over 40 and after divorce can be fun and exciting. My best advice for my dating coaching clients and readers is to date smart and guard your heart. Don’t fall hook, line and sinker for a stinker. Since you can’t know for sure, hang back and slow things down to give yourself time to observe if he continues to be Mr. Wonderful or shows signs of being the dreaded Romance Junkie.
Photo Credit: Zakwitnij