He Pursued Me, Then Disappeared! Understanding Men

He pursued me then disappeared. Why would a guy act so into me then just stop and ghost me? Here are 5 possible reasons he pulled away.

he pursued me then disappeared7 Reasons Why a Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off

I’m guessing if you are reading this post, some guy did this to you. He came on strong and seemed so into you. Then suddenly he just vanished. Poof! Gone.

This is one of the most aggravating things about dating. Things are going great. You enjoy each other’s company and look forward to seeing him.

He seems to get you, which feels great. While getting to know each other, you are having so much fun!

Then he pulls away and you are left wondering what the heck happened. You examine every conversation looking for something you said or did wrong.

You blame yourself even if you can’t find anything to point to that would cause this.

His Disappearance Is Maddening

You’re upset and find the whole thing disconcert! Your world just got turned upside down. How could this be? Everything was going so smoothly.

You know he liked you too. Now what? You wonder if there is anything you can or should do to get him back.

Why do men do this kind of thing? You keep asking yourself, “How can this be – He pursued me then disappeared?”

There are as many reasons for this behavior as there are men who do it. But I’m going to share seven of the biggest reasons with you below.

1. Busy with Work or Study

via GIPHY

A man who is very busy proving himself in his career or loving his work, that’s his first priority. The same thing is true for studying to get his degree.

Which automatically means you are NOT his top priority. So you come after everything about work or school that needs his attention first. If that doesn’t appeal to you, then you know he’s not the right guy.

Avoid heartbreaking mistakes when you get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single.

why did he disappear2. Dating Other Women

When you first start seeing a guy and you’ve only had a few dates, assume he’s seeing other women. This could be exactly why he disappeared – he got interested in or distracted by someone else.

If you’ve only had a few dates it can be a disappointment, but not that big a deal.

Don’t let yourself get too invested in a man you’ve seen just 2-4 times. Hopefully, you know how to avoid premature attachment to men you are still vetting over 6-10 weeks.

3. Not Happy with Himself

When a man is not happy with himself, his life or his career, he just can’t make you his main priority. Being unsettled creates a feeling of not being a good “provider” which gets in the way of building a strong relationship for men.

Unfortunately, this is not something you can help a man get through. He has to find his way and this is definitely a reason why a man might disappear.

he doesn't want a relationship4. Doesn’t Want a Relationship

Some guys know they do not want a relationship. They don’t want ties, the expectations or the responsibility of being attached to a woman.

It could feel like a giant weight hanging around his neck, holding him back from what he knows he needs to do.

Don’t feel offended – this is not about you. It’s all him baby.

Learn more about ghosting, breadcrumbing, and orbiting.

5. Needs Healing after Divorce or Breakup

You may think that you’ve met a great guy that needs help getting over his ex. DON’T GET SUCKED IN!

You might actually help him recover, but then 99.99% of men will skip out and move on to the next relationship. Happens all the time.

This is because you remind him of a painful time when he was weak and needed help and so he wants to give himself as much space from that AND you as possible.

That’s the thanks you’ll get for helping him. Don’t try to trade your nurturing for his love because you will not be rewarded.

6. Prefers to Keep It Casual

He pursued me then disappearedAll men are not relationship ready. Some don’t want to get serious so they keep things casual.

It’s easier and they avoid getting entangled in something demanding or restricting. When you are in a relationship you have to consider the other person’s feelings, wants and desires.

On the other hand, when casual – anything goes. There are no rules.

Some guys catch on that you want something more serious, so they disappear. If you are still asking why he pursued me then disappeared – this is a likely reason.

Men often do this thinking it’s nicer and less confrontational than some ugly emotional scene when you realize he’s not going to stick around.

he's not sure how he feels7. Not Sure How He Feels

If you’ve been seeing a guy for several weeks and everything is going beautifully, then he suddenly disappears, there’s one more possible reason.

He’s not sure how he feels about you. A lot of men need space to figure out emotional issues. This is where talk of the ‘Man Cave’ comes in. They retreat to gain strength.

Now if he comes back in a week, that’s good news. He may have decided to move forward with you and your relationship.

However, longer than 7 – 10 days doesn’t bode well. He’s withdrawn because he’s out and is no longer interested.

Countless articles have been written by experts promising ways to get your ex back. For the vast majority of situations, there’s NO WAY to get him back.

It’s a harsh truth, but the only way a man returns to the relationship is IF HE WANTS TO.

When He Disappears Let Him Go

Most women think if they could just understand what went wrong and talk to him, they could make things work. Nothing is further from the truth.

Yet, the first reaction is to text, call, text, email. You might feel driven to reach out non-stop to get a hold of him and find out what happened.

Sadly, pushing to talk does not work. You know this is true because if he wanted to talk, he’d respond or reach out. He knows how to communicate, but he is CHOOSING NOT TO.

Worse still, if there was any hope of him ever returning, you’ve just put the last nail in the coffin, killing that possibility by appearing weak and desperate.

what can I do now that he's goneHe Pursued Me Then Disappeared! What Can I Do?

There are things you can do when a man disappears:

  • Leave him alone
  • Do not contact him
  • Text him or call him
  • Don’t think that if you could talk to him, you could make things right
  • Move on with your life and leave him totally alone
  • Time apart might make him miss you and that alone could bring him back

So if you’re wondering “why he pursued me then disappeared,” now you have seven reasons. Take note – none of them are about YOU.

Not how you weren’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or successful enough. Nope, all seven reasons are about HIM.

Don’t blame yourself for his disappearance. Most likely, the reason he pulled away was not your fault. Take time to heal and get over him.

Then move on to find a better man. A man who is relationship ready and knows you are the one for him. He IS out there, so do not give up! It’s never too late for love.

If you want to know how to smarten up about dating, get my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

143 thoughts on “He Pursued Me, Then Disappeared! Understanding Men”

  1. Hello Ronnie. I knew this one guy from my sister – he’s a colleague. He said he’s interested to get to know me and followed me on Instagram. Then we both got each other’s numbers on the same day but I texted him 1st. It was just a simple introduction. After few lines (very few), he stopped replying. I noticed he looked at my Instagram stories every day but still no response from him. I tried to reply to his story once and still the same, no reply after few words exchanged. I feel confused and is it wrong for me to feel that way? I know that he’s super busy at his work but still. Can you give some advice to me on this? Thanks dear. I really need it.

    Reply
    • Hi Bell, It’s not wrong for you to feel confused because this guy is saying one thing and doing another. This is typical behavior for men who are not genuinely interested. When a man is into you, he doesn’t disappear, go dark for days, or confuse you. He will pursue you in a consistent way because he wants to get to know you and spend time with you. When a man is super busy at work, that’s man code for, “I’m not that interested.” Work is a great excuse that keeps a woman quiet while they patiently hope and wait. And if it’s true that he’s that busy, then you will never be a priority. Don’t fall for this crap either. It’s a big world out there, so get on the dating apps and meet some men! He’s not your guy.

    • This is the best honest objective intelligent response to a situation that happens all over the world for eons. This is my current situation with an ER physician who loves his job more than his family – even kids!! He loves his cat next. I fell MADLY CRAZY in love and he did too and then it started going down with his kids and me around all the time in his house. It was too much interaction. I understand. I still love him dearly! He’s the one for me!! We met families and were planning to move to Dallas & get married. Then all stopped and in one day he broke up with me and got back together and broke up again after 2 wks. And now I’m leaving him alone and I’m praying he will call in 6 months. Thank you for this article. How do I follow you?

    • Hi Betty, I’m not sure you should wait around for him, even if he is the love of your life. Sounds like he’s into his open thing and doesn’t want a relationship. Why take yourself off the market if you want love? It’s find to take time to heal – I’m all for that, but it sounds like you put yourself on hold, praying he’ll return. The very same on and off thing is what would likely happen. People don’t change that much usually. So, you can wait if you want, but don’t just keep waiting forever. You deserve a man who wants you as much as you want him. To follow me, sign up for any of my freebies or take the quiz to get on my email list with great tips, offers and more. Or follow me on Facebook.com/ronnieannryanlovecoach

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