Are you afraid to love and fear picking the wrong man again? These seven tips will help you trust yourself so you can find love again.
Halloween Is Scary But Love Shouldn’t Be!
When you’ve had more than one love that ended badly, you may have developed a fear about your ability to choose the right man. Some women tell me how they fear having a broken picker and worry they will end up with another rotten apple (or Jack-o-lantern LOL).
If this sounds like you, you are about to discover seven ways you can get over this chilling fear to feel more in control and chose wisely when it comes to men and love.
1. Make a pro and con list
Even though things didn’t work out in the past, what did you like about the men you’ve been with? Maybe you liked his looks, sense of humor, charm, brilliance or success. Notice potential similarities about the men you’ve loved if there is more than one guy.
History provides great insights when you take the time to look back. This kind of self-reflection can help you see why you made the choices and if the qualities that attract you still work for you or lead to trouble.
Next, make a list of what you disliked about the men. Were they mean, self-centered, addicts, untrustworthy, cheaters, cheap, thoughtless, etc.? Take a moment to think about what caused each breakup and be honest with yourself. Get clear about why things didn’t work out.
This way, if you encounter similar situations with a new guy, you can be more objective and make a smarter choice, so you don’t go down the same unhappy path again. Then you won’t be afraid to love again.
2. Knock him off that pedestal!
Sometimes it’s spooky how much easier it is to remember the good stuff. At the same time, you manage to ignore the scary parts of a past love that caused you pain.
There seems to be a rosy glow about a man who is lost or got away and this is actually normal. However, it can keep you locked into your attraction for the wrong kind of man who will never make a good partner.
To make better choices in the future and not be afraid to love, get beyond your selective memory to stick with the reality of the situation. When you allow yourself to only remember the parts you adored, you keep the wrong man on a pedestal. He doesn’t deserve this place in your heart anymore!
Knock him down off that pedestal and come back to the real world! If he was the perfect man, you’d still be together.
3. Own your mistakes
No matter how many bad relationships you’ve had, a better love for you exists as soon as you are willing to learn from your mistakes. If you need help to recover and learn from your last relationship, try therapy, coaching or even reading books on the subject.
Consider how you may have contributed to the relationship that caused it to not work out, even if it was just to hope things would get better. Once you take this step, you free yourself to start again with a clean slate.
Owning your mistakes is part of the healing process, so you won’t be afraid to love by making the same mistakes again.
4. Move forward and you won’t be a victim
You don’t need to be in a relationship. But if you still want one and deny yourself the chance, you become a victim of love. Being afraid to love and repeating the same mistakes will override your ability to start fresh and take a chance on love again.
Why let your ex influence your romantic future? Don’t allow yourself to be a victim of his flaws, his mean comments or predictions about your love life or be afraid to love again because of him.
Yes, dating can be nerve wracking and scary. But new love can enrich your life, expand your world and bring you great joy as well. All men are not scary.
Don’t hold back – go for your dream if you truly want to love again. Healthy love is worth it!
5. The Universe is abundant
Limited thinking makes you believe your ex is the only man for you. There isn’t just one soulmate for you. I know this is true because so many clients and people I know find love again!
The Universe is an amazingly abundant place with countless opportunities. Just try to count the stars in the night sky if you don’t believe me. Even if you can’t imagine it now, I guarantee, there is another man out there for you.
Once you are willing to learn from the past and move on to try again, you CAN find a BETTER man. Be brave vs. afraid to love again and the right man will cross your path.
6. Open up to a new type
Do you have a type of man you are always attracted to? The best way to avoid picking the wrong man again is to seek a new type of guy. If you need a super successful man, what if he’s successful but not a workaholic? What if he believes in living a balanced life instead?
Turns out your type has the qualities you love but also, the qualities that destroy your relationship. Yup, he’ll always be a package deal with all the bad stuff that drives you away and wreaks havoc in your life. Sadly, your type will never make you happy.
When you consider a new kind of man, someone you might not have dated before, you give yourself the chance to find a better match. Someone you are more compatible with than your “type.”
7. Promise yourself and be unwavering
Review the list of what you didn’t like about your exes. Add any red flags that you previously ignored or new ones you’ve discovered. Stick the list on your refrigerator, or in your desk or purse, so you can refer to it when you start dating a new man.
If you see two or more red flags in the early stages of dating, that’s your signal! You’re in danger of repeating the same mistakes. Promise yourself you will move on before you get in deep and feel too attached.
That’s how you can keep history from repeating itself and learn to trust yourself again. Consciously deciding to leave when you see the writing on the wall, rather than hoping things will change, is the most empowering step you can take.
Promise to honor what you know and take care of yourself. You are in charge of your heart, not the other way around as some would have you believe.
Don’t be afraid to love again
Don’t let the scary relationship patterns of your past predict your future. Mindful dating, plus a willingness to learn from your mistakes puts you in charge. You can attract and pick a better man to find lasting love!
Need help with choosing a good guy? Get my free audio program 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Man.