Ground Hog Day – Have You Seen Your “Dating Shadow Side”?

Are You a Clingy, Needy Woman Sabotaging Your Dating Success?

Ground Hog Day - Your Dating Shadow Side

What is your “Shadow Side” when it comes to dating? It’s that side of you that you prefer to ignore.  One powerful example of this is if you are a clingy, needy woman, a behavior that will definitely cause a man to high tail it. Let’s examine what I’m talking about.

A clingy, needy woman:

  • Calls, emails and texts frequently
  • Feels the need to check up on her man
  • Wants to spend all her free time with her guy
  • Thinks her man is the answer to all her problems
  • Does nice things for her man to show him how great he has it

As your dating coach, I hope you are starting to get the picture. Overall, its just too much attention for most men, especially at the beginning of a new relationship. I guarantee you, lavishing your man with attention will not make him want you more. Sadly, the exact opposite is the result. He can’t seem to get away fast enough. This is one reason why men simply disappear when you think everything is going so beautifully.

Another trap involves collapsing your life into his. In time, this can leave you with no life of your own, putting you in a highly precarious position should you break up. It also makes you a heck of a lot less interesting.

The Overwhelming Desire for Reassurance

I understand that you want reassurance and want to know how he feels about you. But there is a limit and the truth is, he can never really make you feel that everything is OK. The reason is because this feeling that must come from within you.

If you recognize yourself in any of these behaviors or motivations, this is your “Dating  Shadow Side”. Just as the Punxsutawney Phil, the Ground Hog, saw his shadow today, February 2nd, its time for you to see this part of yourself as well.

What can you do once you realize your behaviors could be sabotaging your dating karma?

1. Start with efforts to raise your level of confidence

  • Take good care of yourself. Update your look with new hair, makeup or clothing
  • Work with a personal trainer to get fit
  • Read about building confidence
  • Use positive self talk to help you believe you are a wonderful deserving woman
  • Try therapy if you feel that would help

2. Find ways to enrich your life without a man

  • Learn something new like a language, sport, or hobby
  • Join a book club
  • Start a big project you’ve been putting off
  • Spend time with friends or family
  • Pick a charity and donate your time

3. Learn ways to handle your sabotaging urges

Much has been written about how to curb self-sabotaging behaviors. Come up with a plan of your own to fend off urges until they subside which might include:

  • Taking a walk
  • Exercising at the gym
  • Calling a girlfriend
  • Watching a movie
  • Positive self-talk such as “Everything is working out perfectly or  I’m OK right now”
  • Reading a book
  • Take a bubble bath
  • Pamper yourself

Facing your Dating Shadow Side is empowering and healing. Once you acknowledge the behaviors that push men away, you have a chance of correcting and replacing them with something healthier. And you automatically improve your chances to connect with a wonderful man and finding the love you want and deserve.


Art Credit: Blue Stone Graphics


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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