A Well Written Online Dating Profile Makes a Huge Difference in Your Results
One of my over 40 dating coaching clients sent me a guy’s profile she found online. My abs hurt so bad from laughing vigorously. I have cut out some stuff out to help keep his identity anonymous, but you’ll get the idea.
“I’m not looking for marriage or anything too long term. I’m looking for a friend to hang out with and have fun. Someone who is not looking for Mr. Perfect. He DOESN’T NOT EXIST! And I am not him. I make decent money at my job but am not into saving as I have no reason to save it. I live one day at a time and week to week. I don’t play games and I am honest. I like to drink but not to get drunk. Well sometimes I do it to get drunk. So that’s me in a simple bowl of life, not cherries. Take a chance and try something different. You can’t always get what you want. Drop me a line if you are interested. I don’t wear suits or ties. Fashion don’t mean diddly squat to me. I’m real and fun and plan on staying that way.”
Let me start by asking you to take a deep breath and stop laughing so hard. I found this read like a script from a bad TV sitcom. Often real life is funnier than the popular sitcoms because this profile is simply too much! I’ll break it down for you below.
1. I do think the guy is honest – after all he admitted he does drink to get drunk so that takes honesty and guts right?
2. Right up front he tells you his philosophy about money – he doesn’t believe in saving – that sounds pretty honest
3. He tells you that he’s not into fashion and says he’s real. Sounds like another piece of honesty.
Honesty does not improve your profile
Given these three points above, can you see how honesty doesn’t help you write a good profile? Not at all! In fact, in this case, its quite the opposite.You need an edit function rather than putting it all on the table and letting the chips fall where they may!
How can I help this guy turn his profile around? Here are some important tips. You might want to read them, then review your own profile to see if you have made any of these errors and change them to serve you better.
1. Present the best you no matter what your alter ego says
I’m not talking about being dishonest at all. I am a huge fan of honesty. But I also believe there is such a thing as being too honest. What I am saying is that you will be far more attractive if you present yourself at your best. Just like at a job interview, you wouldn’t talk about how tired you are even if you are exhausted.
So, for example, saying he is real and plans on staying that way is a cool thing to say. Saying, “fashion don’t mean diddly squat” is poor English and negative about fashion. He could have said, “I’m down to earth and a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy.”
2. Don’t talk about what you don’t want – just focus on what you DO want.
First sentence out the door our friend states that he doesn’t want marriage or anything too long term. This is another case of too much honesty. He would have been much better off simply leading with his second sentence – “I’m looking for a friend to hang out with and have fun.” You wouldn’t have thought anything bad if he had said only this right? Explain what you do want and leave out what you don’t want – its a great rule of thumb to keep your profile interesting and upbeat.
Another huge blooper is the part about not being Mr. Perfect.Well that’s perfectly apparent. All he has done be putting this comment into his profile is let you know he’s got a chip on his shoulder based on women who didn’t feel he met their standards.
3. Too much information sends out red flags
He tells you he likes to drink but doesn’t get drunk – then he immediately negates that by saying he does get drunk. If he had left if at his being a “social drinker” you would have been fine with that too. When in doubt inf you are saying too much, the answer is almost always going to be “Yes”. When in doubt, just leave stuff out!
4. Close the deal
As a man, its his job to close the deal. So asking women readers to drop him a line if interested is a great thing. However, this line should have been left until the end to be most effective. As women, please don’t include this step. A man already knows to contact you if he’s interested. It’s not only unnecessary, but risks sending a signal of desperation.
Now as an online dating expert, I’m going to rewrite this blurb here, so you can all see how to turn things around in your own profile.
“I’m looking for a friend to hang out and have fun with. Someone who is looking for a decent, honest and real guy who knows who he is and is comfortable in his own skin. I make a decent living and have the money to enjoy my life. I’d like to share that enjoyment with someone special. I’m not a big planner and tend to live more spontaneously. I’m down- to-earth, and a jeans and t-shirt type of guy, but you can get me to dress up once in a while for something special. I am a social person and a social drinker. So that’s me in a simple bowl of life, cherries and all. Take a chance and try something different. Drop me a line if you are interested.”
I bet if you are seeking a real, honest guy who is down-to-earth, you’d consider him now right?
Positioning is everything. Follow these four, very simple steps to improve your profile and improve your chances of finding love online. If you want help with your profile, contact me here
Photo Credit: Carol Wallis
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
His profile looks like one of many this guy is trying out to see what response he will get, and he doesn’t care much anyway.
Ronnie,
Love how your turned his negative attitude into a profile that I would actually finish reading. The first one scared me off after a few lines. Good into to help with my profile.
Thanks,
Your welcome Pam!
You’re welcome Pam!
While you rewriting his profile is a fun exercise, it mostly serves to show how to hide flapping big red flags, i wouldn’t do this “gentleman” any favors.
Quite frankly I’ve read a lot into this guys profile that is not positive in any way or fashion. Especially without a photo to reveal more clues about him.
He says he’s fun but he does not in one iota come off that way.
He comes across spiteful (you can’t always get what you want – sounds like he’s not getting what he wants), uncommunicative, probably not the brightest bulb in the box and defeated/low self esteem and quite possibly lazy.
If he’s not getting dates, he has created his own chaos.
Misha – I agree with most of what you said about this guy. However, I didn’t rewrite the profile for him. I rewrote it to show women how to write a better profile. The guy never saw what I did. Many women write very negative profiles without realizing it. This was a good way to demonstrate how to focus on what you do want and show your best side. so you missed the entire point – but thanks for your two cents.
hm….he *specifically* says he doesn’t like clothes…so somehow I rather *doubt* that a woman would be able to get him to dress up once in a while. I prefer his honest version rather than the spruced-up writer’s version…atleast a woman knows what she is in for…
Hey Tara, thanks for your input. I get why you prefer the first version’s honesty, although I doubt you would respond to him. And that was my point in this post – how to write a profile for YOURSELF that shows your best side. Direct honesty is not likely to attract good prospects. No matter who you are, you need to show your best side to make a good first impression.