Dating Over 40: Friendly or Independent? Which is Better for Your Profile?


Are You Very Independent?
Do you have a rich full life and want to maintain your own space even though you want a relationship? You want to keep up your friendships and interest after you find the love of your life. I get that. You’ve been on your own for a while and enjoy that independence. Good for you!  You may even worry about not wanting to collapse your life into his and feel the need to keep some things separate. Understandable.
Roadblocks and Exit Points
But these are not necessarily things about you that a man will find attractive. Most men who want a relationship want a partner and companion. They don’t want to see the roadblocks you may inadvertently post in your profile. Men might misinterpret your staunch independence as a desire not to blend your lives together because you can’t fully commit. Oh no, that’s not the impression you want to make is it?  Click, he’s off to another profile.
Your online dating profile is ADVERTISING. Yes, I believe in truth in advertising. But don’t slap a man in the face with your truth. That’s not the way to attract him. 
Positioning in Advertising
Before you can advertise any product or service, you must first determine the POSITIONING. This is the process marketers use to create an image or identity. That’s what you are doing with your profile – creating your identity as a friendly and desirable woman. The question becomes: Is an independent woman who wants to maintain her own separate interests the best image to portray? You probably have other strong points that would make you seem like a fun/interesting person to spend time with and get to know…
Even though you are independent, most men don’t want to hear that. You wouldn’t want to hear that either! The idea is off putting, even if it’s true . Let him find that out about your independence later, but recognize that it is NOT a SELLING POINT.
Men Want to Feel Needed
Today, men are very sensitive about a woman brandishing her independence. It’s not because they are looking for clingy females who need to be taken care of. Men, like women, want to feel valued and needed to a certain degree. If you are a strong independent woman, of course you can take care of yourself. But wouldn’t it be nice to have a man who could contribute and maybe even be relied on from time to time?
Men Don’t Want to Compete with You
Believe it or not, most men aren’t threatened by your success. They just don’t want to COMPETE with you. As a woman, if you rely on your business energy, which is more traditionally masculine in nature, for dating – men might see you as a competitor. And then you won’t Appear attractive at all. Men want to date women who are friendly, fun and easy to be with and make them FEEL GOOD, NOT COMPETITIVE.
Don’t Start by Saying You  Want to Exclude Him 
Here’s another concern. If a man said to you, "I’m fiercely independent but I’m willing to share this piece of my life with you," you’d think, "Yuck! I don’t want someone who wants to exclude me from parts of his life right from the start!" Now maybe you are starting to see what I mean.
Focus on the Good Stuff
Focus instead on conveying your warmth, charm, mystery, wit, spirit, athletic ability and sporting interests. There is a strategy to online profile writing – it’s not fibbing and it’s not bold face truth either. Positioning that’s well done is the key to online success AND to getting much of what you want in life. Write a friendly profile that focuses on your good points. Illustrating why you are a good catch is the name of the game.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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