If you’ve been a fool for love, you are not alone. It happens to everyone at some point – you do things for love that you know are not so smart. Here’s how to move forward.
Mistakes That Lead to a Broken Heart
Have you done any of the following and been a fool for love?
- You believed a guy who told you a lie and you sort of knew it, but chose to ignore it
- You gave and gave and gave and got so little in return
- You loaned a guy you loved money because he was in dire straits and he never paid you back
- You held out hope that he’d make time to see you when weeks had gone by with nothing but texts
- You let being treated poorly slide a couple of times so you didn’t rock the boat
- You accepted relationship crumbs from some guy seeing other women hoping he’d pick you
- You traded sleeping with him for the hope he’d love you
- You knew he did things that didn’t jive with your values, but didn’t say anything and risk losing him
- You held out hope things would somehow get better when you were miserable
Crazy in Love – My Story
Hey, you’re human. Who hasn’t been there? I myself have been a fool for love which is how I know so much about this. I was crazy in love with my college boyfriend. He was so smart, masculine and darn attractive. He played hockey in high school which means he had lots of muscle, was 6’2″ with auburn hair and eyes. Combined with those freckles I adore, he was a symphony of warm, golden red that made me melt.
Like the old poem about a little girl with a little curl on her forehead, “When he was good, he was very very good. But when he was bad, he was horrid.” He didn’t treat me well most of the three years we were together. Everything changed after our first six months when I started being a fool for love. For some reason, he told my roommate that he wanted to break up with me. She somehow convinced him not to do it. I think he fell out of love and stayed anyway.
His Lack of Direction Is a Big Problem
He didn’t know what he wanted out of life or what to do. He quit college, wanted to join the air force, then went back to college. This was my first introduction to the “joy” of being with a man who doesn’t know what he wants. Usually that spills over into his relationships and it sure did with us. He wasn’t a bad person, but he was unclear about his future which can make being in a relationship difficult for any man.
No One Told Me, “You Deserve Better”
When I complained about him to my girlfriends, no one ever said, “Break up with him. You deserve better.” Back then we all just tried to figure out what it meant and how to work around it. Even my mother didn’t tell me to move on. Truth is, I have found out over time most people don’t actually know very much about being in a healthy relationship.
Draw A Line
Finally, I drew a line in the sand. I was tired of being a fool for love, but didn’t tell him about the line – it was my decision and secret. If he crossed that line one more time, I would leave him. That’s exactly what I did.
We didn’t have a fight and I didn’t explain myself. We were out one Saturday night at a bar with a bunch of friends. He said he’d wait in the car. I gave him my keys and told him I’d get a ride back to my apartment. When I got back and I said let’s go back to your dorm. I dropped him off and said good bye, knowing I was done being a fool for love!
He never called me again after that night and we had been together three years! That worked fine for me. What was there left to say? He simply didn’t love me any more or the way I wanted to be loved.
Stop Being a Fool for Love
If you are in a situation where you’ve been a fool for love, I encourage you to find the inner strength to let go and move on. If it’s been four dates, four months or four years, you deserve better. Holding on to a man who treats you poorly crushes your self esteem. Thinking that he’s better than nothing will keep you miserable!
You deserve love, REAL love that includes respect, communication, fun, good sex, growth and joy. Will there be rough patches in any relationship? Of course, because that is part of growth. Stuff happens, but you need a partner who is willing to work through these situations that arise.
Give a Man a Chance
Should you give a man a chance? Absolutely! Give him a few chances. However, you need to be smart, guard your heart and be willing to draw the line if your self esteem, health, or general welfare are at risk.
This is your life. Please don’t say you can’t help it. You can! It’s your job to take care of #1. Honey, that means YOU! Please know I’m behind you 100%. And know this because it’s really important:
There is more than one man who you can love in this life!
Most likely you’ve had more than one love already. Just because one or two didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you are doomed to being alone or another bad relationship.
You Can Find a Good Man to Love
It might not be easy, but that mean it’s not possible. It’s time to learn about love and dating to make your life easier and find the kind of lasting love you dream about and deserve.
If you want to talk about not being a fool for love and what’s blocking you from love, schedule a complimentary 45-minute session to see if dating coaching is for you.