First Date Tips: Why Did I Feel Bad after My Date?

If you haven’t dated in a while, these first date tips will give you the insights you need to know on what to avoid, what to expect, and behaviors let you know he is not “The One”.

first date tipsFirst Date Tips for Women

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I went out with a new guy, and the date wasn’t all that great, pretty awkward actually. We had drinks at this place for half an hour, and then went out to take a walk. He asked me if I would buy him drinks like all the other girls did – what was that about? We were a little drunk and started making out. During the kissing, he told me how I should exercise, but that didn’t stop him from hugging and touching me. When the date was over, he didn’t leave the place but asked me if i knew my way out and hugged me goodbye.

I felt terrible after the date, but couldn’t explain to myself why I felt so bad.

The next day he texted me that he wanted to take things slowly and wanted to open up to me and said that we should do this some other time. He hasn’t contacted me since then. I haven’t reached out either.

Could you explain to me about this situation is and if he really wants to get back or not? And even if he does, should I see him after how he was on the date, or is his behavior OK for a first date?

Unsure in Missouri”

Dear Unsure,

OK, I’m glad you reached out to me. Please know my comments are provided with compassion as I explain what happened. I’ll tell you exactly why you felt crummy. He is NOT a quality man and treated you poorly. One thing I will say right away – his behavior is absolutely not OK!

I’m not sure how much dating experience you have had, so I’ll start with some basics.

1. Stay Outside the Home. Never go to a man’s home before you know you can trust him. It’s not safe – you didn’t know this man. Thankfully he didn’t try to take advantage of you. In addition, meet in public places. Stay out of your home or his until you are ready to sleep with him because the temptation to end up in the bedroom is often too hard to resist. Visit this post for more first date safety tips.

2. Two Drink Maximum. Don’t drink till you are drunk or even tipsy on the first three dates – you need your wits about you – for safety and to make a good impression. Plus, drinking lowers your inhibitions so you might sleep with a man sooner than you would have if sober.

3. Men Often Reveal Themselves Quickly. When he asked if you’d buy drinks like other women have, he’s letting you know what he expects! He isn’t interested in a relationship – he wants free drinks from women, and sex too. I’m often amazed at how men let you know right away who they really are, yet many women don’t take these things at face value. He was being honest and showing you what his dating agenda really is.

4. Directive and Controlling Behavior. This man had the nerve to tell you to exercise? That’s like saying, I know I’m groping you but you could lose some weight! Who is he to criticize, direct your life, make suggestions or control you? Watch out and avoid men who think nothing of telling you what to do on the first date.

5. Learn ManSpeak. He said he wants to take it slow. This is “ManSpeak” for, “I don’t want a serious relationship or I’m not interested”. You have to learn how to read between the lines of what men say. When a man puts you off, is too busy, wants to take things slowly, he’s cluing you in that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Since he hasn’t contacted you again, he’s not interested. Consider yourself lucky! He is not a quality man.

6. No Getting Back. There’s nothing to “get back” as you asked at the end of your question. One date does not constitute dating a man or being in a relationship. Many women feel confused about this, especially after three dates, thinking a man owes them something. But this is not true. Until you have agreed to be exclusive and in a relationship, you are both free agents.

7. Proper First Date Treatment. When you go on a first date, you want a man to show interest in getting to know you. He might pay you a compliment or two, letting you know he appreciates your looks and/or personality. He’ll be courteous, asking what you want to drink or what you want to do. A gentleman will pay for your first date and certainly never ask you to pay for him.

Regarding this particular man, don’t hold out hope for this substandard guy. You didn’t have a good time, he wasn’t nice to you, and you deserve better!

You felt terrible because this man was highly disrespectful. Free drinks, making out and telling you to exercise: this is awful behavior from a man on a first date! When a man treats you this way – run!

First Date Advice

On your next first date, meet the guy in a public place. Keep your wallet in your purse and let him buy you a drink. Don’t expect dinner on the first date – keep it more casual. Hold off on extended making out to see if he calls again and pursues you with genuine interest. You want a man who shows you respect and basic courtesy. I hope you have enough self-esteem to know you deserve to be treated well.

I suggest you learn more about dating. There are a ton of helpful tips on my blog about what to expect and look for. I recommend you purchase my book MANifesting Mr. Right (or on to learn basic guidelines and keep yourself safe. If not my book, then buy another to become more knowledgeable about dating. You’ll have an easier time dating and finding love once you are educated on how things work today.

I hope these first date tips will help you right away to find the right man for you.

Wishing you love and better quality men,
first date tips





Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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