Are you a picky eater? Maybe you have some dietary restrictions for health reasons. You might be allergic to dairy, wheat or nuts. Or you carefully watch your weight, so are very selective about food. None of this is really a problem… until you make it one.
Last week several dating coaching clients who are dating after divorce or dating over 40 talked about their first dates and what happened. Here are a few examples of what clients brought to the table.
1) A woman of 40 just lost about 35 lbs. Quite an accomplishment! Jane feels great about her success and as a result, she talks about it – A LOT. Now I realize this is foremost in her mind because its a recent change and a very exciting one. But, is this really something she wants to discuss on a first date with a new man? NOT REALLY.
2) Peggy has a lot of allergies. She is limited in what she can eat and needs to be very careful in restaurants. Yet, she does like to go out to eat and enjoys food. On her first date last week, she spelled out everything she has to avoid. As her dating coach, I’m thinking the guy she went out with will probably AVOID HER.
3) Betsy had an eating disorder she recovered from. Today she can eat most anything without much concern, but still worries about relapsing. She asked me when she should tell a man that she has an eating disorder and if she should simply tell him on the first date to be honest and get it out of the way. NO WAY!
Let’s take a step back to look at this from a more strategic angle.
On a first date, your job is to make a good impression. You want to be a woman who is easy to please, easy to get to know and get along with. The object of a first date is to see if there is enough interest and common ground to have a second date. Everything you say and do matters. I say this not to make you paranoid, but to create a higher level of awareness about your dating methodology.
Let’s look at his another way. If you were on a job interview, would you complain about your previous or current boss? How you hated the company? Or your special healths concerns? No, you wouldn’t talk about these things because you don’t want to air your dirty laundry. You want to show your best side. You’d be conscious of your smile, smart answers to their questions and making a good first impression.
What makes you think dating is any different? Its exactly the same! (except there’s no money involved).
Put the shoe on the other foot. If a man told you about all his ailments or how he only eats pizza, burgers and Chinese food, would you be more attracted to him or less? Yeah, now you can see how this might not be in the plus column.
While you think you are being straight forward and honest, what you are really doing is providing way too much personal information and turning men off.
If you are out to dinner, order what works for you off the menu. If you absolutely need to ask for something special, keep it really simple. Don’t elaborate about what you are doing. The more normal you act, the more normal everything will seem. Make a good first impression – you can fill him in on your personal data later once he already knows you’re a great catch.
photo credit: Sifu Renka