Dating OVer 40: e-Harmony – My Pet Peeve

One of my readers asked about e-Harmony again this week. Do they have a free coupon, what’s the best deal etc.My response has nothing to do with their promotional efforts. I haven’t a clue about that.

But here’s what I do know from talking with hundreds of women over 40. There are very few men on e-Harmony over the age of 40 on a percentage basis. I know women who were told they couldn’t find matches for them. Women who got matches from very long distances even though they requested closer proximity. Women who are angry, frustrated and highly disappointed.

How come you may ask? Shouldn’t it help to fill out this long questionnaire, and then get matched by a computer based on 29 areas of compatibility?
NO, not really.
Here are some of the problems.
1) Most men over 40 don’t want to fill out any personality questionnaire with over 400 questions. They just don’t want to do it and they don’t care about personality tests.

2) The commercials are totally targeted at women. Next time you see one, really pay attention. They show a few men alone, but hey don’t show the women alone except those who have already been matched. They have been created to appeal to women. No wonder there are fewer men on the site. And the commercials don’t’ show people over 40 either.

3) Just because they will show you matches for free doesn’t mean those men will be interested in you or respond. That’s why the system of browsing is so much better. At least you can participate and look around.

4) Who says those 29 points of compatibility really work? How can we tell if they have any greater success rate than or yahoo personals? Mostly hype if you ask me. Without the statistics, I’m not convinced.

If you really believe in e-Harmony and want to give it a chance – well go ahead. But I recommend also posting on a second large site to make sure you actually meet some men. If you put all your eggs in the e-harmony basket, you might come up empty handed. I’d hate to see that happen.
Don’t fall for the story. There’s very little harmony for most women over 40 who sign up. Do yourself a favor and pick another site where your chances of meeting a man go up exponentially.


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

5 thoughts on “Dating OVer 40: e-Harmony – My Pet Peeve”

  1. Hi Debbie,
    I am so sorry for the grief over your husband’s passing and now your loss of the man you loved since a teenager.

    But please consider this question carefully – are you only allowed two great loves? My opinion – not true! The Universe is a place of abundance. When you are past the grieving and have done some healing, you can go out there and find your third great love. It’s completely possible so take good care of yourself, focus on your healing and then start mingling. Wishing you love.

  2. I am a widow of 20 months. I was married 30 years to the most wonderful man and blessed. My first love (I always loved), came back into my life after over 30 years, through Classmates on the day of my husband’s passing. I never was aware of this until months later, when he again contacted me. I had turned down his request that I not marry my husband and be with him three weeks before my wedding. Grieving deeply, shocked by his presence in my life again and in respect to my husband, I resisted his overtures, and much to my chagrin, he met a woman on eharmony about the same time who lived 180 miles away from him in Canada, fell in love with her, brought her to the USA and they married this past May. They are both 53 and he says she is the woman he has been waiting for all of his life. He was married twenty five years and divorced four years ago. He had done much internet dating prior to eharmony. He was looking for a serious commitment, having sworn off many of the other sites as he felt the quality of individual was not what he was looking for.

    I am devastated by the timing of it all….and once again have lost the man I have loved since age 17…without eharmony, I might be that woman…So see, it can happen.

  3. Elena,
    Thanks for sharing your experience with online dating. I agree that match and yahoo offer transparency and the trick is to have your eyes open to notice the obvious! Thansk for making this point.

  4. I recently turned 40 and I tried eHarmony twice during my thirties because I fell victim to their marketing hoopla. At the time I was living in NYC and they could only find me 3 matches!!! And none of them lived in New York City!! The closest person was 90 miles away in South Jersey. Needless to say, I never even got to a coffee date stage with any of my so-called matches.

    To me eHarmony is all hype and the people in their commercials are actors. Not one of my single girlfriends who has tried it has gotten past a first date, if they even got to that point, with it. and Yahoo Personals are meat markets but they are virtual paragons of transparency and they’re easier to navigate and to deal with than the opaque eHarmony system.


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