Single women – please don’t call him! I know it’s not easy to wait and wonder, especially when you think it’s so easy to just pick up the phone and reach out to that new guy.
Read on to find out why this essential dating advice is completely in your best interest.
Should I Call Him?
“Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,
I went on a date 3 days ago with a guy I met online. We texted for several weeks before he finally asked me out. Normally I wouldn’t stick around that long, but I got the impression early on that he is fairly shy.
The date went well. He texted me within 30-minutes of us saying goodbye, making small talk, and went on to say I was beautiful and he had fun. He’s alluded to seeing me again in the future and things we could do, but not actually asked or made plans.
I know its only been 3 days, but I’m not sure what the norm is. One of my friends suggested he may be holding off because he knows I’m in the middle of finals week and I’ve been pretty busy studying. I don’t know. Still seems plans could be made for in the future, after finals right?
Has He Lost Interest?
I’m hesitant to believe he’s lost interest because he constantly initiates contact off and on all day, every day. I’m new back in the dating market and I’m pretty much learning the rules of the game for the first time.
Please help,
Itching to Dial”
There’s Only One Way to Know His Interest Level
Dear Itching,
This is one of the hardest things for women to understand and follow through on. But I urge you – Don’t call him! If you want to know how much a man is interested in you, there is only one way to do that.
Don’t call him and don’t do anything! This is where you want to rely on your feminine charm and understand how the Yin Yang Dating Principle works.
You say he’s still emailing or texting, but not asking for another date? Is that right? Here’s my dating advice and solution:
Stop answering his texts and emails.
When you pull back, you rely on your Yin energy of being receptive. You allow the man to miss you and wonder – “Hey where’d she go?” Then, if he doesn’t want to lose touch, he’ll call you!
This is so much better than trying to pursue him and taking over the Yang role of action. Don’t fall into this trap!
The Yin Yang Dating Principle
The Yin Yang Dating Principle is very much like ballroom dancing. The man leads and the woman follows. Allowing the man to lead and pursue you is by far the best, and in truth the only way to discover how much he wants to be with you.
If you try to take the lead, most men don’t like being pursued and don’t want to compete with the male energy you are expending to win him over. They will lose interest and disappear. This happens ALL THE TIME!
That means, if you call him, ask him out, buy tickets to things, email all the time, you are pursuing him. He may go along for the ride because he feels flattered, curious or hopeful he’ll get lucky.
But none of that means he’s deeply interested in you for the long run! Just don’t call him. Seriously.
Sit Back and Relax
My proven dating advice is to sit back and respond when he contacts you – this is better for collecting information about what he’ll do to win you over. The vast majority of dating experts agree on this concept and strategy.
Taking this a step further, if you want your guy to call and ask you out, totally stop responding to his technology communications. Don’t answer his texts and emails until after he calls you.
Whatever You Do, Don’t Call Him
If this man is truly interested, he’ll call you and ask you out. Get scarce to get his attention! Rely on your feminine charm and Yin energy to draw him to you.
And if this doesn’t work and he still doesn’t come around, then you’ve learned something crucial to dating this guy – he’s just not that into you. That’s when you know it’s time to move on to seek a better man.
Want more of Ronnie’s proven dating advice about understanding men? Listen to her Free audio program 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Guy
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Texting…. what a game changer compared to dating 15 years ago! Met a guy from Bumble Wednesday evening. He suggested drinks at a lovely place. We had fantastic three-hour conversation. After I headed home, hit the sack, and woke up to a very lovely text the next morning saying he had a good time and would be asking me out when he got back from his trip to California for two weeks. It was a very enthusiastic text sent as soon as he got home that evening. I replied, thanking him for the drinks, saying I had a good time as well and would catch him when he got back in town. On reflection, I didn’t sound enthusiastic, just matter of fact. We dissected this at work the next day, my female coworker saying I should follow up with a text that’s enthusiastic and casual. My guy buddies say no. Let him know you had a good time, leave it at that and let him chase. What do you think? It does stress me out a bit that so much could hinge on one silly text and it’s tone. I am continuing to see another guy in the meantime, so not putting all my eggs in one basket, but I don’t want to screw this up either. I’ve been punished in the past for showing too much enthusiasm too soon. Any thoughts would be much appreciated!
Hi Lynn, Listen to your male friends! They know! You said you had a good time, you thanked him and said you’d go out again. What more is needed? This is nonsense – nothing hinges on the perfect text. Either he will follow through or not, but your text was totally fine. Get out of your head, stop over-thinking and go out with some other guys as you are already doing. Distraction is what you need because your texting is not a problem.
Hi Ronnie
It’s been 3days he didn’t cal me for the first time in two years relationship the prob is I didn’t do anything wrong I just askd him why he didn’t share wit me when I came to knw that his sis getting married but never told me a word son he got angry and cut the line till 3days he didn’t cal or should I call him.
Hi Worried, When you ask a direct question and a man pulls away rather than answer, that is NOT a good sign. It doesn’t mean YOU did anything wrong. It might not be about you at all. He’s not sharing his life with you and if you are older (25+), this is a sign that he isn’t thinking about you long term. Why call him again? If he wants to speak with you, he will. And if he doesn’t, then you know he doesn’t care about you. It’s sad and hurtful, but you might as well know sooner than later. I wouldn’t call him. The chance that he’s going to give you the explanation you seek are slim anyway. Give him time. If he loves you, he’ll come around.
Hi Ronnie, I’m sure I’ve made mistakes already with this man I’ve grown fond of. It started with him helping me move, and then being a friend when I needed a shoulder to cry on….just recently we started having sex, and before that he said he was hurt deeply by a woman he had strong feelings for…I’ve broken all the rules and would text/call him for no reason..I’m sure I smacked of desperation…the last time we spent the night together he said he would catch up with me in a few days…how do I get/keep him interested beyond sex, and/or a casual relationship? I have deep feelings for him.
Hi Natalie, The only way to keep a man interested is to not be clingy, needy, or desperate. And don’t chase after him either. Instead, be confident and if he doesn’t come around, then he isn’t that into you. The last thing you want is some man you have to cajole to be around you. You’ll never win that way. So let go rather than hold on tight and if he wants to be with you, he will. And if he doesn’t stay in touch the way you want, he’s the wrong man. No matter how much you like a man that doesn’t make him the right guy. He has to WANT you too.
I met a guy a few months ago we recently started having sex we video chat text from time to time but it’s notmally me initiating the conversation he says he’s always busy and he knows he needs to work on communication . I haven’t contacted him in 2 days today being the start of the 3rd and I haven’t heard from him since. What does this mean what should I do
Hi Jasmine – You didn’t mention if you went on dates. Sorry to say, if it’s just sexual and he doesn’t initiate contact any other time, he’s really not interested in you beyond the physical. The fact that you stopped texting him and he hasn’t reached out proves that as well. You could also read this post which supports not texting to find out how a man really feels.
Hi Ronnie, I met this guy in March when I was out with friends. We hit it off instantly, and I gave him my number but, he didn’t use it right away. See I’m divorced and so is he, but we both are not looking for anything serious. We met on a Saturday night and he didn’t reach out until I hit him up Wednesday… We ended up going out on a Friday and hit it off. He has been very inconsistent. I’m always initiating contact … I feel he’s not that interested. Should keep texting him? I feel I should sit back and see if he texts but how many days should I wait?
Hi Erica, Great question! I answered you on the blog
Ronnie,
I met a man online 6 weeks ago. Very nice person who lives 31/2 hours from me. He came in and we went on a dinner date. He got sick and had to leave the next morning to go home. He had the flu. I text him a few times but no answer. I called and his friend text me saying he was in the hospital. I waited until he got home and text him again but no answer for several days. I was concerned. I got upset and text him saying why didn’t you even call to say how you were? What’s wrong? He then text me back saying he didn’t like my sarcastic text. “He will think about our relationship, I need a few days to see if it is beneficial to pursue.” I haven’t heard from him since, what do I do?
Hi Rusty,
I’m sorry to say he wasn’t sick- he was avoiding you with that excuse. So while you were kind and showing concern, he just wanted a fast get away. I rcommend reading this post about men who play sick. What should you do now? NOTHING! Never chase men. If he had wanted to be in touch, he knew how to get a hold of you. Its time to realize that when a man doesn’t get in ouch – that’s his CHOICE and nothing is wrong. Cowardly, evasive? Yes, but to be expected. You can’t make a man want to date you. Stick with local men to avoid these awkward situations.
Just hung out with a guy who was a co worker years ago, then stayed friends with through the occasional text. He came over to my place and we talked, laughed, watched some tv and did some snuggling but that’s it. When he left, he said to let him know when I want to hang out again….ummm what?? So, I should wait to hear from him, right?
Hi Sarah, Hanging out is casual and men often are working up to casual sex. Hooking up or friends with benefits. If you want a real boyfriend he might not be the one. Go out on dates, don’t stay at home. If he doesn’t want to take you on dates, he doesn’t want to date you, just sleep with you. Maybe you don’t mind casual sex – that’s up to you. But if you want love, he’s probably not the one. Read this post on “hanging out“.
a man i knew from years ago got ahold of me and we texted and said he wanted to take me to diner, and said no pressure just catching up, we went out 2 times he started to text me and when I didnt hear from him i stsrted texting him he always responded right away, but i havent’t heard from him in a few weeks..should I text him
Hi Sasha, Since you already know this man it’s a little different so you can text him once. Do not ask him where he’s been or why haven’t you heard from him. You could say something about you have in common or mention something that reminded him of you. For example, you might say, “Saw that movie you mentioned last night and it made me think of you. Ho are you?” Something totally causal like that. I also recommend you read these posts about why does he text me out of the blue.
Thank you so much for the advise. Although I do not like him yet because he has done nothing for me to fall for him, I have to admit that I miss the attention. I will follow your advise and wait for him to contact me.