Did He Pull Away Because I Chased Him?

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women,

Don't chase men

I’ve been seeing some guy for 4 months now, and we have had some really good times together. Although, the past few weeks have been really rocky between us and I think its because I chased him too much. how can I make things better between us? Should I leave him for a while or should I try talk to him and sort things out – even if I know this could push him away more?

–Wanting him back in Cleveland

Dear Wanting,

Sorry to hear you are having trouble. Yeah, chasing a guy is not the best strategy for winning him over. What works best is to follow a man’s lead. That way you‘ll know how interested he is.

As a dating coach for women over 40, I tell clients all the time not to chase men.  When you do this, you take over his job. It’s the man’s role to pursue down to his DNA. This is biology we’re talking about.  Even though we have achieved much equality in the work place, dating has not caught up. But honestly, it works better this way.

If  you say thank you and are appreciative of his efforts, if you are available for dates or provide alternative options, if you are warm, friendly and make him feel good about his choices – that’s how you let a man know you like him. Observing what he’ll do to win you over is how you know his interest level in you.

Since it sounds like your guy is pulling back, do not lean forward. Your best bet at this point is to relax. Sit back and let him come to you. If he doesn’t – that tells you something. And, if he does come for you – then you know he’s interested and did this because he wants you. When men take action without your prodding, it’s so much more meaningful.

The chase is still alive.  Being a dating coach for over nine years now, I’ve seen this scenario repeat itself over and over again. If you want to win the dating game, learn to play follow the leader. This doesn’t make you a door mat – it makes you a wise, strategic woman who knows how to get what she wants.

Hope things work out!

Wishing you love,


Photo Credit: Zaid Balushi

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

6 thoughts on “Did He Pull Away Because I Chased Him?”

  1. Deborah, not sure I understand what you are saying, but from that little bit, sounds like you need to move again – far away from that man who doesn’t keep his word and feels no remorse about it

  2. Hi, I was seeing this guy for almost 6 months. I recently found out he had a sexual problem. He admitted to me he had a ED problem and told me to give it a break and HD would tell me when he could. I on the other hand become to curious to know what he wanted to tell me. I would ask him here and there if he wanted to get together and he would always reply with “idk” for a week. I gave it couple days and then asked him again if he was ready to talk and his response was ” my dad heard shit at work about me n u please leave me alone.” I found out nothing was said at work and that he used that as an excuse to get me to leave him alone. Did I push him away for good? He seemed like he liked me previously.

    • Hi Tasha, Doesn’t sound to me like he pulled away because you chased him. Sounds like he pulled away first. He asked you to leave him alone. Then you continued and he started making excuses. We don’t know why he is no longer interested, but I do recommend you let go and move on. I know it’s hard, but you will probably never know what happened. And his story about ED could have been an excuse too.

  3. Hi, my bf broke up with me 4 months ago because he was insecure that i was still to my ex. Its been 4 months now and i’ve chased him week after week.. he dont call but he answers my call and talks long.. he would say i love you and i would always love you but i cant be with you. what is he doing is he playing games? should i move on? i love him still but 4 months he left and he seems to not care anymore

    • Stacy – you’ve chased him for 4 months with no result and he says he can’t be with you. What more can I say? Yes, please wake up and move on. He is not the man for you.

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