Desire vs. want – discover the powerful difference between these states of mind with Women’s Erotica Bestselling Author – Angel Johnstone
Do You Feel a Loss of Power?
In this episode of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast, I’m speaking with Angel Johnstone whose coaching work helps women rebuild confidence using their most underutilized power source – desire.
In midlife, a lot of women seem to find themselves feeling a bit lost and not sure what they want. Many of Angel’s clients aren’t satisfied with life as is and aren’t sure how they arrived at this place of discontent.
Unfortunately, confidence and power can get turned off when handling the swell of duties that are part of everyday life. From demanding careers, to caring for children and a home, the sheer demands of living can be overwhelming, and you get lost in the process.
Owning Your Power
However, Angel firmly believes women lead best and are happiest when they own their power. A big part of that power is your sexuality. When you discover how to revive passion, you start to thrive and enjoy life more fully.
Women often feel stifled, as if living someone else’s life or on a path you hadn’t expected or planned on. So, you don’t feel authentic and aren’t sure what to do about it. When life doesn’t look the way you envisioned it and you wonder how you got here, that can be unsettling.
Angel helps clients to liberate themselves. She does this by assisting them with getting clear about their desire vs. want and how to make space for these things within the structure of your life now.
A move towards living in a way that includes honoring your own desire vs. want. This can’t happen when you constantly cater to everyone else’s desires rather than your own.
Women are socially trained to take care of everyone else first and this can lead to that uncomfortable state of being where you’ve lost your zest for life.
Get in Touch with Your Inner Bad Girl
When you give yourself the permission to connect with your inner bad girl, that teenage spirit that still exists inside, life changes. She wants to explore, try things and get into a bit of trouble.
She’s got a wild side and maybe some anger that needs to be expressed. This side of you has a lot to say. If you can reconnect with her, she’ll tell you what’s not working for her.
For most women, the inner bad girl gets locked away because she’s a little wild and you prefer to be the good girl. Women want everything to be nice. They want everyone to be happy with sunshine and unicorns, etc. This is a piece of desire vs. want.
The trouble is that is not real. It doesn’t feel right because it is not authentic. So, when you give yourself permission to look at this honestly, and say this is not OK and I want something more, that is key.
However, if you’re terrified of letting out your inner bad girl, how can you get there?
Letting the Genie Out of the Bottle
Angel created a course that walks you through the process of uncorking the bottle to let the genie out. Yet, at the same time, you can hold onto that cork, so you remain in charge.
You won’t lose control but you can start to be your true self. Instead of holding back, you open up to the authentic you rather than simply please everyone else.
For some, there’s a fear everything will go off the rails if you let that repressed part of yourself surface. But that’s not what happens.
You stay in control while rewriting the script of your life. This allows you to integrate your repressed side, that bad girl, and give her some air time. This permits your desire vs. want to rule, so you don’t just accept what is.
Angel creates s safe space to learn to how to express this side of yourself without blowing up your life. Learn how to communicate what’s not working and start to honor your true self.
Add dimension to the roles you play like daughter, wife, and mother, so you can live with more passion.
Desperately Seeking Susan
If you’ve seen the movie Desperately Seeking Susan, it’s a perfect example of what can happen when you repress your inner desires. Rosanna Arquette is a calm, bored New Jersey housewife who reads the personal ads. She discovers that two people, Susan (played by Madonna) and her boyfriend signal each other through these ads.
Before she knows what happened, Rosanna’s character has left her husband and is living the wild life in Greenwich Village. But it’s not her life, it’s really Susan’s. This gives her permission to open up and explore other parts of herself. This is a totally fun movie from 1985 with all sort of zany antics and adventures.
Desire Vs. Want
Desire is power. It has a different energy than the state of being when you want something. The word “want” has a connotation that you even though want something, you don’t think you’re going to get it. Desire means there’s a fire in your belly.
This is really an energetic alignment of who you wish to be and what will make you happy. Your desire is about going after something and not stopping until you get it. Desire has the essence of moving forward and is an active word. Thinking about desire vs. want, the word “want” is a passive word.
Until you feel that desire, you aren’t so likely to manifest it or to ask for help, to look for the path or even notice if you are on the right path. With burning desire, the path starts to become clear to you. It’s about passion which is a more driving force to take action.
How Angel Got Started
She’s been working with women to build confidence, especially in the bedroom for over a decade. Angel hosted parties where she sold adult toys and talked about how to bring the romance back into life.
Women talked about why they don’t feel appreciated by a spouse or how to bring the sexiness back after having children. How to wake up desire vs. want and why this makes a difference.
The themes all come back to confidence level. While there are dynamic women who are confident at work, they’ve somehow lost confidence in the rest of their life. It comes down to personal power and how to give yourself credit for who you are as a whole person.
Why Do Women Still Feel Restricted?
From network TV to Netflix, shows are more sexually explicit than ever. Plus, today more people watch porn. So, why do women still feel restricted in expressing their own needs?
Angel says the reason is that the porn industry is dominated by men and written from the man’s point of view. Yet, she says there’s a shift in that perspective since more women are now in executive roles in the TV and film industries. She pointed to Shonda Rhimes and how her programs better portray the women’s view of things.
That’s why Angel wrote her erotica book from a women’s viewpoint, vs. the male gaze which is more typical. She thinks this is why the Netflix hit, Bridgerton, has been so popular on Netflix. While the setting is historical, the women break through typical roles.
Does Desire Relate to Ascension?
Women who create pleasure in their life are naturally more empowered. So, when you participate in life this way, you raise your vibration and what you put out into the world. “A rising tide lifts all boats” is a saying which means you lift everyone’s vibe in this way.
Energetically, when you are happy in your body and with who you are, you vibrate at a higher frequency. This is how Angel sees the ascension of energy on earth within the structure that exists here now.
The idea that ascension could mean fully coming into your own, being who you really are, and authentic about what you desire makes so much sense to me. How you live and what you enjoy is highly relatable. This is a great way to look at ascension!
As a spiritual person who is always seeking magic and tuning into spirit, this is such a down-to-earth, practical way to look at ascension and feels so much more “doable.”
Ultimately, there is no contest between desire vs. want for living an authentic life brimming with joy and pleasure.
BIO Angel Johnstone
Angel Johnstone is an erotica author with a #1 Best Seller on Amazon. Her brand of female-centric erotica and her group coaching work promote increased confidence in women by tapping into their most underutilized power source: desire.
It is her belief that women lead best when they can own their full power and part of that power is their sexuality. Many women find themselves in mid-life searching for that lost power they have “turned off” in order to get through the hectic days with kids, spouses, parents and co-workers all looking for support and nurturing.
Women that learn to turn passion back on and explore their deep desires with wild abandon are the ones thriving and leading the way. Angel writes short stories, runs an online adult toy business, and teaches classes on pleasure, intimate connection, money mindset and feminine confidence both in and out of the bedroom.
Learn more at www.confidenceiscatchy.com/