As a dating coach, I am quite certain finding love is possible. But the question is, do you believe in love? Do you consider yourself to be a loving person? How do you share your love with the world?
In my practice as a dating coach I am often both amazed and shocked by some of the people who come to me for help. There are those who really know who they are and what they have to share. They are ready for a relationship but want some guidance to realize their dream.
On the other hand, there are women who call me with their feelings about dating, men and love that really surprise me. They can be angry, feel exceptionally entitled and think the world owes them love. To me, this is a red flag and I can tell they will have trouble attracting love into their lives. The main reason is that they are not expressing love (at least not romantic love) in the world. Instead they spread anger and resentment.
Here’s a big truth about the process:
Love is for the loving.
Trust me, I understand why you might feel angry about men, dating and love. Perhaps you’ve been hurt, gotten divorced, feel betrayed among other unpleasantness to say the least. You are entitled to these feelings and they are valid. However, if you are in the process of seeking love, it’s worth thinking about how you express love in the world.
When you are loving as a way of being, you don’t:
- Talk trash about men
- Sit with girlfriends and complain about how men stink
- Feel disdain towards men in general
- Say how there are no good men left or they are all taken
- Feel most men are substandard human beings compared to women
These beliefs or attitudes do not come from a loving place. These ideas exemplify how your heart is not open to men, dating or romantic love.
This may sound harsh or unfair to you, but to find a good man, the most fundamental belief to hold is that men are worthy members of the human race. It may be difficult to think his way if you’ve been cheated on or lied to. As a dating coach for women, I get it. But the truth is:
All Men Are Not The Same
This is a good place to start if you have trouble thinking positively about men, love and dating. You can likely find a way to agree with the idea that all men are not exactly the same right? That makes sense doesn’t it? All women certainly are not the same.
Opening your heart and starting to trust men again can shift slowly, taking one little step at time. Start with this small step to acknowledge all men are not the same and some good ones do exist who are single.Then every day, stretch your beliefs a little bit to see where you can go.
Can you imagine that there are a few good men left somewhere on earth? Can you imagine some of them are in the United States? Can you imagine there might be a few good men in a fifty mile radius around where you live?
Try these baby steps in building your belief system back up to a healthy, loving level. Work to open your heart again. Start believing love is possible for you. Find ways to express love and become a more loving person. Practice random acts of kindness. Share a smile with a man you don’t know – you’ll make his day and feel good about yourself as well.
Once your mindset gets to a place where good men are out there and you should be able to find one, that’s when you are ready to start dating. That’s when you swill begin to notice decent guys. That’s when the men who respond to your online dating profile will somehow be better or more appropriate.
My dating coach advice is this – The Universe follows your lead. Show it the way to go to get what you want. Be loving and express that love. Believe in yourself, love and men. Know for sure that you can find a good man. Once you do this, you are most certainly on the path to attracting the lasting love you crave.