Dating Over 40: Why Flirting Works with the Way Men Think

Yesterday, the post was about how men think. They don’t think like women do. They don’t wonder why things are the way they are or search for deeper meaning. So, to capture a man’s attention, you can’t be too subtle. I recommended holding a man’s gaze for 3-5 seconds before gracefully turning away. Then check back f minute later to catch his eye again.

This is a great non-verbal way to let a man know you are interested.  And it’s called FLIRTING!

Over 90% of attraction is non-verbal
That’s why flirting is so powerful! You are sending non-verbal signals using body language. What do you want to communicate? That you are friendly, open, nice, inviting, and willing to talk with men.

The point of flirting is actually to help men get past the barriers to meet you. In other words, you are helping them see the risk is low for rejection. Normally, men fear and rather avoid rejection. So they might not take the chance to approach you. But,  if you start using these non-verbal signals, they will pick them up instinctively and be more willing to take that social risk to meet you.

Flirting is the Mechanism
Applying your feminine charm will draw men to you. Leveraging your allure magnetically attracts men. Flirting is the mechanism that lets a man know you are open to him.

Many of my over 40 dating coaching clients feel confused about this. So in an effort to be really clear, here’s what using your feminine energy does NOT include:

  • Being aggressive
  • Asking men out
  • Asking a guy for his phone number
  • Giving him your number
  • Being suggestive
  • Pursuit of any kind

Your feminine energy is inviting. You express your interest by looking at a guy, then looking away. And a few minute later, looking again. That is obvious enough, but it’s not AGGRESSIVE.

If you act aggressively, you’ll be doing his job by taking over pursuit. This is highly inadvisable for countless reasons and I’ll tell any of my dating coaching clients this. But the most important one is:

Men Want to Pursue You
He wants this pursuit to be his idea. If he’s really interested, he’ll get invested in trying to win you over. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO WANT! This is how you can understand his interest level.

– So, if you smile at man and he comes over to chat but, don’t ask for your number…
     He’s not that interested.

– If he talks to you for an hour and you laugh a lot, but he doesn’t get your email…
      He’s not that interested.

– If you seemed to click and had hot chemistry but he never calls…
     He’s not that interested.

Men who are interested will PURSUE YOU. Regardless of being shy, previously hurt, or any other crummy romantic history, if he likes you , he knows what he needs to do.

What Does Count as Flirting ?

  • Eye contact and smiling
  • Twirling or fixing your hair
  • Playing with your jewelry
  • Smoothing you clothing
  • Using a straw to drink your drink
  • Crossing and uncrossing your legs (but demurely please)

And once you are talking with him, these types of activities still work. Plus you can add a couple more:

  • Lean towards him when he talks to show interest
  • Touch his forearm or back lightly while making your point, then let go

All of these tips work to help a man get clear signals from you. But you don’t have to save this up for just the right guy. When you learn to flirt with men as your way of interacting, it will be more natural and your skills will improve. Don’t wait for the perfect man. 

Try this today and start letting men know that you are approachable and available. Whether or not you become one of my dating coaching clients now, nothing could be more worthwhile to improve your romantic opportunities.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

4 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Why Flirting Works with the Way Men Think”

  1. Nola – So glad to confirm what you already know instinctiively! All women know this, but have forgotten or surpressed the knowledge and ability. Flaunt it baby – it works! Use what comes naturally. Straight men do not possessthis feminine charm – only women have it. So, use it to your best advantage!

  2. THANK YOU!!!!! I never understood flirting and you’ve spelled it out. Actually: that’s not correct. ON SOME LEVEL, deeper, less intellectual and logical? I’ve demonstrated more knowledge than I actually am aware I possess! So, please understand that I soooo appreciate this clear post AND the clear examples that confuse assertive women over 40 (or younger). So, Me, Who Ostensibly Doesn’t Know How To Flirt, decided that a certain young man WOULD dance with her at a wedding. I REF– USED to ask him to dance, tho’ I’m older and it would’ve been “okay.” I NEEDED to dance with him sooo much; he was so hot and we definitely had chemistry. So, what did I do? I decided to S-L-O-W-L-Y walk by him, looking elsewhere, while putting a slight exaggeration in my backside’s sway. When I walked back? He caught my gloved hand and took me to the dance floor. I was in Heaven.

    So, NOW I know: I was flirting and it worked beautifully. I was internally assertive and feminine and submissive and CLEAR. Okay; got it. Thanks, Coach! :o)


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