Dating Over 40: Why Can’t I Find a Good Man?

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I just can’t find a man or a man that I like. I travel a lot, and go out too. 99.9% of men think I am attractive. I have done the online dating. and some men ask, “What are you doing here? You can find a man easily.” Oh boy. But, I don’t like the dating websites.

I’m writing you this because I am frustrated, but I have not given up. The last guy I met was not that attractive, but the chemistry was there or I thought so. He totally dissed me for another woman. Well it was my fault. After the first meeting, I suspected he had another woman, but tried to be open minded since I just met him. However, he did not show up when I was heading for the airport.

The fact is I truly want a wealthy and good looking man. Yet, I keep settling for someone I would not typically date and these guys end up dissing me.

Oh Ronnie. I am just airing my frustration, I would so love to get married and have kids. Not when I am 40, but now. What advice can you give me?
Not Giving Up Yet

Dear Not Yet,

Sorry you are having a hard time finding a man who is a good match for you. It’s hard to tell from what you wrote, but it sounds to me like you might not be listening to your own intuition. If you suspect a man of having another woman, why wait around to find out? You have at least two options.

1) You can simply ask the guy you meet, “Are you seeing anyone right now?”

2) If you feel more certain he is seeing someone, then simply walk away. Keep looking for a guy who is single and available.

Either way, there’s no need to feel like a victim of these men.

The only other part I can speak to is your comment that this new guy “didn’t see you to the airport”. I could be misunderstanding but, that is not a task for a new guy you are seeing. Once into your dating, OK he might take you to the airport. But if you are frequent traveler, I would think you’d have other ways already worked out to get there.

While it’s nice to have romantic send off, expecting that within the first 6 dates or less is a big expectation. Perhaps if you can relax your ideas of what is needed from a man, you will feel less rejected or dissed. I’d need more details to be sure.

As I would advise any of my dating coaching clients, it’s time for you to define what you want in a man and not settle for those who do not meet your needs.

Being more realistic is one thing and many women would benefit from expanding their list of what’s acceptable in a man. Most women would like to find a rich, good looking man, Yet, things like being a few inches shorter than your ideal, making less money, not having a masters degree, or maybe a man who is balding help to open up possibilities. None of these things will affect your ultimate happiness or compatibility.

However, being treated poorly is not something that is acceptable or ever worth settling for.

Strengthen your faith that you can find the right man. Do what you need to do to meet plenty of new guys until you cross his path. I tell all my dating coaching clients that people fall in love every day. I’m sure you find love too.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Why Can’t I Find a Good Man?”

  1. Something the woman in this article will definitely need to consider, is that she can no longer base her choice on the man being wealthy. Men who have a lot of money and wealth, are completely turned off by these kinds of women. This kind of attitude, makes a woman look and sound desperate and poor. The fact is.. the men who have money, don’t have to talk about it or try to impress women. Only men who are without wealth, in debt up to their eyeballs, and living paycheck to paycheck try to impress women with cars they don’t actually own, no savings or financial security, and no plans to have a secure future. Tell her, the guy she “least” expects to have that financial wealth, may in fact be richer than she could ever imagine.

    Just food for thought.


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