Dating Over 40: What to Do When You Can’t Help Yourself

So you say you can’t help yourself? You can read one commentor’s thoughts here on how she can’t help but be attracted to married men.. But as an over 40 dating coach and coaching those dating after divorce, here are other similar statements I’ve heard:

– You can’t stop thinking about your ex
– You don’t want to be hurt again so you don’t try to meet new men
– You can’t help but check his phone bill and look at his cell-phone history
– You can’t leave the guy you’re dating even though you know he’s not right for you
– You ignore what your man tells you, thinking things will be different with you 

This is a list of behaviors that work against you. I’m not pointing the finger by any means. Everyone has some behaviors that could be improved upon, including me. However, saying you can’t help it, makes you a victim – a VICTIM OF YOURSELF!

Sound ridiculous? Not at all.

When you say you can’t help it, what you mean is that you have no power over yourself. Is this true? Well it can be true if you allow it to be. Yet, you are always in charge. And you do have choices – even if its not a choice you want to make. Still the choice is there.

What choice?

To make the right decision.
To make the healthy choice.
To make the moral choice.
To choose your self-esteem.
To choose to see other options beyond the obvious one in front of you.

The vast majority of individuals do have inner strength to call upon. If you can start to believe in yourself, you can start to make choices that serve you. That help you move on, try something new, take another shot at what you want, or let go of what’s not working.

Start by being your own cheer leader! Figure out what you want that is available to you, that is good for you. Strategize what steps you’ll need to take to make it happen. Then set your intention to make this your new reality.

Life has many more options than people often see or acknowledge. But once you open your eyes, mind and heart to consider you do have a choice, that is when things can come into focus. That is when you have a shot of obtaining what you really want in  a healthy manner that serves the highest good and all concerned. 

As you take responsibility for your self and future,  your energy vibrates at a higher level. Now you can use the Law of Attraction to attract what you want.  The Law of Attraction states – like attracts like. So when you are working for your highest good, you elevate your energy to a higher level that will attract a higher level. Who doesn’t want that?

As your dating coach, let me say I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Whether you work with me directly or read the blog and newsletter, you will see how there are other possibilities, hear how you can make them real and start to feel like you are in charge. Because ultimately, you are in charge. And if you choose to  not make a choice, that is still a choice.

Here is my wish for you – empowerment, inner strength, inner wisdom, options that satisfy and make you happy, new ideas and epiphanies that set you free! May you find what you need to rise up to make the right choices that will serve you best, for your own happiness and fulfillment, what ever that my hold for you.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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