I hear about so many women complaining that they have a great job, a beautiful home, etc., but they still can not meet a good man. Well that’s very troubling to me because I don’t even have those things going for me. I have lots of financial debt. I know how I got there and am working on it, but its not so easy. Plus, men look negatively at you when you have debt.
Another problem is that it takes money to get involved with activities, socialize and go out. The financial strain cuts down on dating sites too. I know there are free sites, but that is a major pool of married men and men not looking to get serious, that’s why they go for the free stuff.
Even worse, men are just not interested when you are overweight. I got plenty of attention when I was slim but now with the weight on, the attention is drastically different. So here I am, struggling with debt, limited resources and too many lbs. Obviously I can not afford a dating coach, so how do you help people like me to feel hopeful?
Feeling hopeless in Kansas
Dear Ms. Kansas,
My heart goes out to you for your struggles. Your situation isn’t an easy one. And it seems both your weight and debt are affecting your outlook on life, attitude towards men and dating.
One thing I know for sure is that working on improving yourself and your situation can really help boost your self-esteem. I encourage my dating coaching clients to start their journey by loving and appreciating themselves. All love starts within, that’s why the best way to find love is to start by loving yourself.
So let me ask you a few questions…
– What steps can you take to appreciate who you are?
– What steps can you take to improve your financial situation?
– What steps can you take to improve how you feel about your looks?
– What steps can you take to improve your appearance?
By focusing on these things, you will experience the benefits and positive changes. When you take care of yourself, you honor yourself and your self –esteem rises automatically. And a confident person is always far more attractive.
I have another question. How do men know about your debt? You cannot be shunned because of debt if a man doesn’t know about it. I advise my dating coaching clients to keep their financial situation (good or bad) to themselves until things start to get more serious. Then, if it seems appropriate, you can tell your man about your financial situation. Truth is, this is no one’s business but your own unless you are combining finances.
I gave the same advice to a woman who was a cancer survivor. Everyone has problems, but you don’t want to shine a big spotlight on them. You lead by putting your best foot forward and highlighting your best assets. This is not being deceitful at all. It is simply a matter of presenting yourself in a good and positive light.
You may have some problems, but no one is completely problem free. Everyone has issues and absolutely no one is perfect.
So, my advice to you is to focus on yourself for a while until you build your self-esteem and start feeling better about yourself. Make some headway on your finances and your weight if you like, and then get out there and start flirting!
Wishing you love,
photo credit: TW Collins