I was in Boston last weekend at a National Speakers Association meeting. The topic was how to prepare and deliver a speech that engages people and he discussed the difference between customer service and hospitality. A light bulb went on for me as I started thinking how this related to dating.
Customer service focuses on delivering the service or product purchases and making things right when problem arises. Hospitality is all about making people feel welcomed, comfortable and happy. Sometimes with customer service, you get your needs met, but it wasn’t pleasant. When hospitality is involved, you will get your needs met and feel valued as well. Any light bulbs going on out there yet?
Last night, on the group coaching call I run with Terry MacDonald for the Get Married Gurus program, one of the clients brought up she’d like to learn how to be more delightful. She and her date talked about the dating process and that made her wonder if perhaps she was coming to her dates with her analytical mind.
Bev had an epiphany that if she dropped her analytical side and met men with a light-hearted approach, just to be warm and friendly- things go differently for her. She asked about becoming delightful, something I talk about with my over 40 dating coaching clients.
A woman who is delightful, is usually hospitable. If you entertain in your home, you know exactly what I mean. You put your guests coats away, get them situated, ask what they want to drink, introduce them to people, and maybe even get the conversation going. You are helping them to feel comfortable and welcomed.
How can you be hospitable on a first date?
1. Don’t try to get all the information you need and want out of the guy. Instead see if you like each other and can get a second date.
2. Look for things you like about him as a person, even if he’s not someone you’re interested in. This will help you see the positives and it’s great practice even if he’s not the right guy for you.
3. Treat men with respect, the same respect you’d like reciprocated.
4. Be warm and friendly. Appear to be easy going and relaxed. Try to enjoy yourself or at least the glass of wine. If it helps, think of yourself as a southern belle with great manners or a woman from the late 1800’s early 1900’s out of Jane Austen’s novel Sense and Sensibility.
Today our society has relaxed most traditional manners and replaced these niceties with being direct to match our get-it-done, hurried pace. Hey, I’m as guilty as the next person. We’ve lost this art. But it will get you far in the world if you start practicing the art of hospitality.
Men pick women who make them feel good. Next time you’re on a date, be hospitable. Be warm and friendly. Learn about who he is as a person. find something good about him, even if he’s not for you. Practice being delightful and light hearted on every date so you build these skills and get comfortable with them. I guarantee, he’ll be more comfortable with you and see your good side – the warm, wonderful, fun-loving, gracious woman you really are when you aren’t in a hurry or feeling stressed.
So very nice chatting with you today. Have a great day!
To learn more about understanding midlife single men, sign up for the Dating for Keeps Expo – a week-long teleconference for women celebrating National Singles Week 9/20-24 – It’s absolutely FREE!