Dating Over 40: Sometimes You Just Get Bad Advice

Did you ever have a man start saying things like “When we go to the …”?, did you think it had real meaning or significance? Did you find out you were taken in by a load of hooey?

As a professional dating coach for people over 40 (and under too), it’s part of my job to keep up with what other professionals offer and have to say. I really enjoy reading newsletters, blogs and books written by dating experts so I can stay informed and share anything new with you.

Today I was reading a newsletter that explained the signs to watch for when a man likes you. One point was just plain wrong and very bad advice. Here’s what he said.

“A man who is attracted to you will saying “we” a lot …He’ll be saying ‘we need to do this’ and ‘we need to do that.’ He is trying to get information out of you to see if he and you are going to become a ‘we.’ “


A man who says, “we need to…” may have any number of things on his mind:

He may be wondering if he can impress you
He may hoping to win you over
He may be hoping to get you into bed by pretending to plan for your future
He may actually like to plan and hope you will become a “we”
He may be a romantic junkie who loves the sound of things but doesn’t follow through.

I myself fell victim to “We” conversation .

I had four dates in just 10 days with Glenn. He was handsome, masculine and charming. He could fix things, had dazzling blue eyes and talked to me about what “We could do in the future.”  He said things like, “If business is good this quarter, WE could go to the city to see a Broadway Show.”

I fell hook, line and sinker for this Mr. “We” Stinker.

I assumed that since he brought up the future on his own, without my prompting, that his planning meant something. Wrong!

Here’s the problem with believing in “we” when you first start to hear it  Its just talk and talk is cheap. Sometimes a man will say anything to create vulnerability  – when women hear what we want to hear, we melt. We give in, we get swept off our feet.

I was swept off my feet and dumped on my ass, just after his “we” conversation that grabbed my heart and sounded so lovely.

Don’t fall for it!

When you start dating a man, you have no way of knowing if he is sincere or pulling your leg. Only time will tell as you watch his behavior and actions. Actions speak louder than words any day. That’s an old wives tale that holds true in every era.

As an over 40 dating coach, my advice to women who have men using the “We” conversation is to wait and see. You want to feel excited? Go ahead!. But don’t believe a word of it or plan your future around him until you see him follow through with your own eyes. That’s the only way to know for sure if your man is sincere or just blowing smoke.

There’s a  lot of bad advice out there from well-meaning people. It’s up to you to be discerning. You need to weigh what you hear, think about it for yourself and see what feels right to you. With so many dating experts, there are bound to be differences of opinion.

Follow your gut, not your heart to decide what is in  your own best interest. And keep your eyes open until you know your man is worthy of a great woman like you.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Sometimes You Just Get Bad Advice”

  1. I work with a lot of men who share dating advice and this is a tactic they throw around all the time

    i once heard a group of friends talking on the train all telling her that the “we” conversation was a great sign…i couldn’t help but save her…i gave her the same advice…only believe what you see.

    sleeping with a woman is the major prize…for 90% of them

    • well I’m glad to hear the men you work with are willing to divulge their inner dating strategies and secrets. That’s an advantage! Good for you for sharing the knowledge with others.

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