Dating Over 40: Letting Go

Letting go can be one of the hardest things we have to do. Whether it’s a love relationship that broke up, a divorce or a friendship that ended. Loss of any kind is very hard.

Even though I’m not religious or big on the Bible (although I studied plenty in my youth) I found this passage written by  T. D. Jakes very helpful.  I must admit that I’m not familiar with his work, his methods, his viewpoints, or anything else he may believe in. But I thought this piece was very good.  Given that, I wanted to share it with anyone who may be struggling with loss and letting go.

“There are people who can walk away from you… When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.  The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that  [he/she is] a bad person it just means that [his/her] part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when [someone’s] part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead…

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have, He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to…LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains …LET IT GO!!!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you…LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of… revenge…LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship…LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude…LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better…LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves…LET IT GO!!!…”

He closes by recommending the Lord’s Prayer. Thanks T. D. Jakes for your wisdom and guidance.

I’ll add a few of my thoughts too:

If you think you can figure out just the right thing to say to make him come back
If you think you must be at fault
If you think you did something wrong or didn’t do something right
If you think you don’t deserve better
If you think you missed the boat
If you think love has passed your by
If you think you are too old to find love again
If you think you aren’t young/thin/pretty/smart/rich enough

Please, think again!

As I told Rebecca, one of my over 40 dating coaching clients just this morning, you are a wonderful, deserving, beautiful woman who deserves love and so much more. Take the needed steps to heal from disappointment or heart break. Focus on yourself to rebuild self-esteem. Increase self care for a awhile. Visit with friends and family. Be kind to yourself rather than beat yourself up.

Then when you are ready – get back out there because the right man for you is waiting! You just have to do what you can to cross his path and meet him

Wishing you love,

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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