Dating Over 40: Is Your Dating Attitude Casual or Serious?

Do you take your dating efforts seriously? You might want to answer really quickly with a resounding – YES! But I want you to look deeper and really think about this question. The reason is, I have found so many singles say “Yes”  yet when you look at their actions, you’ll see a huge gap between what you’d expect for someone who really is seriously looking for love.

Case Study #1 – Casual is Lazy, Not Serious

I have a matchmaker friend who recently sent me photos of a few of his female clients. He wanted my thoughts on their personal presentation. I must say, he was far more generous than I was.

  • Several women hadn’t tamed their curly hair or conditioned in what looked like years.
  • They weren’t wearing any makeup, even the basic three. (Mascara, blush and lipstick/gloss) 
  • They were wearing any old shirt with a pair of jeans.
  • Often the photo was taken with them sitting down.

Not good.

Dating is like a job interview
You literally have to put your best face forward when dating. On an interview, statistics show that the interviewer makes a decision about you in the first two minutes! Online or with a photo – its even faster right? So I tell my dating coaching clients, casual is not an attitude that will help you find love.

Compare dating to advertising
If dating was advertising, then your photo would be the ad. What company would show the product used or half wrapped? Never! It’s always a pristine package or product, retouched because that helps SELL. Same is true for you baby.

Dress for your photo
If you are seriously looking for love, please dress up for your photo. Look your very best. Fix your hair like you were going to a fancy party. You can let it all hang out after he finds you attractive. But don’t expect a man to like you for “who you really are.” First he needs to find you attractive, then he’ll decide if he likes the real you. This is the Law of the Dating Jungle and there’s no arguing with it. Fight it if you want, but you will lose and remain single (except for the most rarest of occasions).

Case Study #2 Serious for the Photo, Not Serious for the Date

The matchmaker also had a few photos that were very well done. Even though a couple of the women didn’t wear makeup, their hair was coiffed, the photography was excellent, the angle was just right, the clothing was good, and the women were standing. Sitting does nothing to show off your assets – always stand.

A photo is a promise
Unfortunately, reports are that these women don’t deliver on the promise. They didn’t do their hair, wear appealing and fresh clothing, or even accessorize. They just showed up. This is another form of dating laziness and an overly casual attitude. A photo is a promise – please deliver on it by taking care of your appearance. It’s the very first thing anyone sees about you – not just men, but everyone.

Why wouldn’t you want to look your best the first time you meet a man?

Here are some potential excuses:

  • Don’t have time or desire to fuss
  • Not into getting dressed up
  • Think he should like me for who I really am
  • Haven’t bought any new clothes lately
  • Didn’t get to the laundry

Do these sound like statements made by a woman serious about finding love? No, I don’t think so. Just like any goal you may have in life, you have to invest your time and money to get results. Lack of effort often equals lack of results.


When you choose to work with me as your dating coach, I’ll advise you to get real about your level of desire. You’ve got to come clean and be honest with yourself. This self-awareness totally impacts your personal presentation, your dating experience, and your success. 

You deserve love! Woman Up!
You are worthy of love. Love is real and possible for you. As your dating coach, I’m asking you to please put your heart and soul into the process to get the success you want. If you were men, I’d say it’s time to “man up”.  Since you are likely women reading this post, it’s time to “Woman Up!”  Do what is needed, put the effort in, and get serious to find the right man for you.

Lip service, a casual attitude, and laziness will not likely produce what you want – the loving arms of a good man wrapped around you in a warm, affectionate hug.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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