Dating Over 40: Is Bitter Better in the Dating World?

Let me ask you a question in a Carrie Bradshaw, Sex in the City Fashion:

Does being bitter about dating help you date better? Or to say it shorter – is bitter better?

I’ve been wracking my brains quite frankly, trying to find the silver lining in being bitter. To be honest, I haven’t had much success with this search. Yet, so many women seem to be intensely bitter about men and dating.

Last night I was sitting at a table of women I had just met – we were at an upscale networking event. One very attractive woman with an exquisite and rather large diamond pulled my coupon for this weekend’s workshop (Meet Mr. Right this Summer) out of her goodie bag and made a face.

Her comment said it all, “Come on, all the good men are taken or gay.” Gee, as a dating coach for women over 40, I’ve never heard that before. But I can say, I don’t usually hear this type of limited thinking from a married woman…Naturally I pointed out how untrue that statement is and she backed down admitting she knew it wasn’t true. But she still said it – Why?

Certainly we’ve all heard single women utter this complaint. I know it can seem like the statement is true, but that is a self-defeating trap. As your dating coach, I urge you not to fall victim to it.

But, why would a married women say this? Let’s examine what might be behind this belief system:

– Maybe she believes what the media says about finding love. Heck, you can’t believe everything you  read hear and see on the Internet, in print or on broadcast news. So much is owned by entertainment companies today that  accurate news reporting is no longer the game. Now its pleasing the viewers/listeners to get more ratings/traffic.

Newsweek printed an article in 1987 claiming it was more likely for a single woman over 35 to be abducted by terrorists than get married for the first time. You know which one happened to me. The facts were just plain WRONG!

(Personally, I had two astrologers tell me I’d never get married. “Are you sure you want to get married? It doesn’t look like it’s in the stars for you honey.”  Well I proved them wrong!)

– This is a commonly accepted thinking so repeating this statement makes her look like she is going along with the crowd and she likes to fit in.

– She’s heard enough single girlfriends complain about this that she believes it’s true.

So in essence, this well-meaning married woman is perpetuating a painful belief system that has little merit, yet influences others as they stack up all the evidence that there are no good men left. They are all taken or gay.

Keep this in mind, before Christopher Columbus sailed west to the new world, the  sailing world held firm to the idea that the earth was  flat. Most people believed it, but it wasn’t true was it? Nope.

Popular thinking does not mean something is true. However you can make it true for you if you choose to go along and operate under this incorrect belief. You can stack up the evidence and prove yourself right. You can remain unmotivated and single to show the world there are no good men left.

You can make yourself sad and miserable by holding this belief as true. You can continue to criticize every man you met and show why he’s not good enough and how he proves the theory that there are no good men.


You can fly in the face of such popular and accepted beliefs to create your own, more positive belief system as I did and so many others who have successfully found a loving partner.

You can look for evidence that there are good men and notice good men all around you.

You can go out to meet new men and see potential in them.

You can use affirmations to strengthen your beliefs and ability to attract the good men who are out there.

You can make yourself available, approachable and desirable so the good men can find you.

You can redefine what a good man is so that you recognize a good man when you encounter one.

Actually, what you CAN do is limitless to support your belief that finding love is possible. In fact finding love is your destiny, if that is what you believe. Because your beliefs totally color your life experience.

When you work with me as your dating coach, I’ll ask you to please choose wisely. Choose to see options. Choose a positive outlook. Choose to find love rather than complain it doesn’t exist. Because it most certainly does if you can just believe.

Here’s a great ebookthat will help you use the Law of Attraction to turn your thinking around and attract the man you desire. My friend Terry MacDonald wrote it  and it worked for her and so many of her readers! She went from dating losers to the man of her dreams and you can too. it’s a choice. Choose what is your heart’s desire, rather than succumb to “herd thinking.”

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Is Bitter Better in the Dating World?”

  1. Hi Gee,
    While women may be too selective at times, the solution is to become less picky and more realistic. Not to start asking men out!

    That strategy will ultimately drive you crazy as you take over the man’s role and find it completely impossible to know who is interested in you.

    The purpose of dating is to observe a man to see if he is really interested in you , if you enjoy each other and are compatible. When you start asking men out, you don’t know if they are truly interested, OR if they think it will be easy to get you into bed. I don’t advise it.

    Dating is still a bit archaic and teh vast majority of men prefer to do the pursuing and want dating you to be their/his own idea.

  2. since most men prefer porn to dating,i think more women should become more pro-active, & ask men out. i see too many women getting in their own way/ sabotaging things,by looking for “deal breakers”.


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