Dating Over 40: I Want a Man with Style and Money, But I’m Good as Is

Dating over 40 and Dating after Divorce

My dating coaching client, Susan, is 43 with a few extra lbs. and a very casual style of dressing. Nothing wrong with that. She knows who she is and likes to be comfortable. 

As her dating coach, I did ask her to be her best comfortable self while trying to attract a new relationship. She replied that she is good just the way she is in worn blue jeans and an old college T-shirt, her hair thrown up into an off-kilter ponytail.

Hmmm, I thought. Let’s see where this goes. Next words out of her mouth were, “I want a man with some style and big bucks.” I found that to be interesting given her attitude towards her own looks. It’s my job to be an objective observer and offer feedback. I said to her, “Susan, do you feel, given your own sense of style, that a sophisticated man of means will be attracted to your casual ways?”

Without skipping a beat, Susan confidently explained, “Yes, of course, he’ll think I’m totally cute just as I am.” Anyone else out there see a potential disconnect like I do? I’m all for reaching for the stars, but you better look like a star if you want a star. Know what I’m saying…

When I talk with my matchmaker friends, they all say the same thing, “95% of women want to date only 5% of the men.” Well if you do the math, you can see where the problem with Susan’s logic lies. If the vast majority of women are seeking the same small segment of the male population, then you’ll have to be competitive. Worn jeans and a college T-shirt just won’t cut it for Mr. Big Bucks with Style.

Yes, its true, sometimes opposites attract. But if you want dating success, it would behoove you to take a good look at yourself as the product to see if you deliver. Be honest now, are you all you can be? Are you at your very best? If you want the cream of the crop, will you pass the cream of the crop test yourself?

At times, women create a standard for the men they date that is, let’s say, over reaching. When this happens, it can be a sign that she rather remain safely single. Creating standards that can’t be met is a surefire way to keep yourself from finding love.

I’m not telling you that you can’t have your dream man. I am saying that if you want a man who is 18kt gold, you better start polishing yourself up so you can be at his level. If like attracts like, as the Law of Attraction states, then you better make sure you are up to his level.

Last but not least, be sure to come up with some personality characteristics too, not just a bank account and wardrobe requirements. You’ve got to be able to get along, understand each other, laugh and learn together, share and treat each other with respect. Style is nice, as long as it extends to other areas like personality and scruples.

If you want to attract Giorgio Armani, then make sure you’ve got the goods too, if you catch my drift.

photo credit: SimonQ

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: I Want a Man with Style and Money, But I’m Good as Is”

  1. ““Women want to date only 95% of the men.””

    Is this a typo?

    Or were you subconsciously encouraging us to be more broad in our outlook? 🙂


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