Who are you looking to meet? Have you spent time defining the type of man you want to be with? As a dating coach for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I highly recommend that you do. Developing a wish list is a great way to crystallize your vision of the right man. This will give your affirmations focus and help you create a vision board.
But let’s keep in mind that a wish list is simply a list you WISH for. Naturally, there are basic non-negotiables such as honest, single, relationship ready, stable, warm, or loving. You know what they are for you. But, other items might be qualities you hope for, but could live without if the right man presented himself. They don’t make the man “right”, they make the right man even better.
Perfection Is a Dream
Very few things in life are perfect. Certainly not me, or you, or men for that matter. In my book, MANifesting Mr. Right, chapter 11 is, “Perfection won’t keep you warm at night.” If you find yourself insisting that the right man for you demonstrate every quality on your list, you may not find a match and keep yourself SINGLE! Measuring up to perfection is a dream.
What Really Matters
As a dating coach, it’s not my job to tell you what characteristics are right for you in a partner. But, it is my purpose to help you get clear when you may be getting in the way of finding love. Debbie is a perfect example, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Debbie Only Does CEOs
I met Debbie at a recent workshop. At 53, she looks fabulous. Debbie has been single for 15 years since her divorce from a business tycoon. Now that she’s older, she figures her tycoon guy should be a top executive or CEO and she asked me where she could meet single CEO’s. I don’t travel in those circles, so I took a guess. On the gold course? At high-end charity events? According to Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, at upscale steakhouses early on a Thursday night.
I asked her what other qualities she was seeking in a partner, but she didn’t really have an answer. Debbie was strictly concerned with finding a man of the right status and economic level. End of story.
Narrow Age Requirements
Earlier in the evening women complained how men seem to want younger women. I assured the group that men who expect this are in la-la land. Unless they are wealthy or very good looking, they will be lonely. The average 35 year old woman doesn’t want anything to do with a man of 50+, especially if power and cash are not part of the package.
I brought this up to Debbie, explaining that CEO’s are a group who can and do date younger. Given that, was she willing to date older men? “No!” was her emphatic response. Debbie only wants to date men her own age and wouldn’t consider a man over 60.
There it is. Debbie has created a limiting vision that leaves her boxed into an extremely small corner of the male population – single CEO’s in their mid 50’s. I suppose it could happen because anything is possible.
Ball Park Theory
But is it probable? That’s dating coaching question. Dating is a numbers game. You have to meet quite a few men to find one you click with. I call this “Ball Park Theory”. Think of a baseball park. Most women want to date men who run the bases of the diamond – 1st, 2nd, 3rd base and home plate. Yet, the ball park is a lot bigger, including the dugout, outfield, concession stands and seats for the fans. The larger the group of prospects you’ll consider the more men you can meet!
Not many men run the bases, but think of all the men who fit into the rest of the park! That is the “gray area” which includes men who meet your most crucial requirements. Ninety five percent of women chase men on the diamond and these men know it! They are often players along with a few obvious good catches.
Other men get overlooked and this is the crime! Many good guys aren’t smooth operators. They are real men with good hearts and accomplishments even if they haven’t achieved CEO status. When you open your mind, heart, and eyes to men who might fit any where into your ball park acceptability range, your chances of finding Mr. Right sky rocket!
Debbie isn’t interested in hearing any of this theory. It’s CEO for her or nothing. I’m thinking it might be the latter, sorry to say.
Soften Up on “Must Have” Qualities
Get clear on your key requirements and soften up on some qualities that would be a dream, but you could live without. When you know what really matters to you, such as a man who will be emotionally supportive, a good romantic partner, and someone you can trust, you might not mind as much, if he doesn’t make a million.
Photo Credit: KidGrifter