Dating Over 40: Have You Given Up on Love?

As a dating  coach for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I am saddened by how many women have given up on love. It’s so prevalent that most people think this is normal and OK.  I’m going to take a dramatic stand here for all women who have given up and say – It’s NOT OK. The desire for love is a basic human instinct.

Don't Give Up on Love!

Who am I to say such a thing?  Just a humble dating coach, cheering for you and doing my best to spread hope and inspire you do get what you want in life. That is a coach’s job. That’s my reason for being. I sort of have to do this. But I do this work and am here for you because its such a thrill for me when a woman, who had previously denied herself  love or was frustrated and angry about love, finds LOVE!

It’s not OK to give up if you hold a desire for love deep down, but have suppressed it to the point of thinking you don’t care any more. If there is a little piece of you that does care, you are denying that part of yourself.

How do you know you have given up?  You don’t take care of yourself. This can take many forms including:

  • Not eating well
  • Not exercising
  • Not getting your hair done
  • Not buying any new clothes or taking care of the ones you have
  • Doing errands in your sweat pants, hoping no one sees you
  • Not wearing any makeup at all, not even tinted Burt’s Bees lip balm
  • Not speaking well of men
  • Not speaking well of yourself
  • Not doing anything new to keep you excited about life
  • Feeling tired all the time
  • Not taking any time to rejuvenate
  • Having nothing to look forward to

Take a moment to see if any of these sound like you…When you read these statements, do they feel the way you feel?

My heart goes out to you. This is not easy stuff to look at, hear or feel. Sometimes when women have given up on love, they have given up on themselves as well.

But I have a recommendation to help you shift your energy. Start with self-love. That’s right, SELF-LOVE. When you love yourself, you take care of yourself. You present yourself well. You know you are deserving. You take time out to do something you want to do. Maybe you get  massage, your nails done or just relax in a bubble bath. YOU get together with girlfriends or decide to find some new ones.

Whether you have children, pets or elder family who depend on you, or you are on your own, the same recommendation applies. Every woman deserves self love (and external love too) and the basics of proper self care. And I can absolutely guarantee one thing:

If you take time to take care of yourself, you WILL feel better.

And as a result, others will treat you differently. Its true. Because when you respect and honor yourself, when you love yourself, others can see it. This comes across non-verbally as self-esteem and maybe even confidence. People can sense it and respond to it. People respect people who respect themselves. And people whose hearts are full of love are more loved, even if its not romantic love. But romantic love is often the very next step.

As yoru dating coach, I’m asking you not to give up on love. And don’t give up on you! I’m not giving up! Whether or not I’ve met you, I believe in you. Believe in yourself and take care of yourself. And love yourself too. All love starts with self love. Take just one step today and do something nice for the one person in your life who is the most important – YOU!

Photo Credit Marie-ll

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

5 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Have You Given Up on Love?”

  1. I have never been married and I am a little on the heavy side aka I am invisible to a LOT of men. I am 43 but many women think I am younger. I do not make enough to be a sugar mamma but do not make less enough to NEED to get married. I always thought I would get married but no one ever asked for the most part in my twenties and thirties most of the guys I met just wanted to have sex and many often asked on the first date when they were going to get some. Here I am later in life and dating has not changed much. So yeah, I have given up on love. I can not be what men want me to be whether they are or conservative or liberal. I feel like I am never enough

    • Hi Rose, A lot of what you wrote is about self-worth. I want to encourage you to be WHO YOU ARE, vs. what a man wants. Be your authentic self and feel GOOD about that. This attracts better quality men. If a man expects sex on a first date, that’s his problem, not yours.

      You don’t need to be a super model or even close, not have a lot of money. You just have to have to enjoy your life, feel good about who you are, and what you have to offer a quality guy. I encourage you to work on self-confidence.

      I didn’t start dating seriously until I was 40! That’s when I dated 30 men in 15 months, to find the man I am married to today. It’s never too late! That’s how I started my coaching practice – based on my own experience. Don’t give up.

  2. I got divorced 2 years ago but I had not given up on love…however…recently…I have…I take care of myself…lost over 65 pounds when I got divorced and I exercise regularly now and am a working professional…but a series of about 8 bad shallow relationships..has left me thinking that there are no good men out there my age without a whole lot of baggage who are capable of anything except a relationship just to get sex…at least I have not found one…

  3. that’s not true……depending on the situation, some people give up on love when they’re still children because of a broken childhood and the truth is that person’s heart is broken……and it will NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER be mended by tending to themselves…..that’s what we would like to believe, but it’s not reality…..if people don’t get what they need as children, no amount of self love or self esteem will even remotely fix that or fill that void……that’s the truth…….people who have broken hearts who begin tending to themselves…..NEVER stop tending to themselves…..untill eventually they decide it’s better for them to be alone….they don’t have to be bothered……….
    I know this because I’ve done it….I’ve given up on love….I felt myself slipping into that since I was a child….trying for dear life to reason my way out to no avial…..everything in my experience points to I will not have love……I DO love and care for myself contrary to popular belief…..and some of that is the problem…I have gotten so used to being alone and in isolation that eventhough I see the value of relationships with people other than myself, especially with men; I can’t bring myself to open up to it….especially now….I met someone who made me feel amazing just when he looked at me annd it scared me so much that I pushed him away……that hurts like hell and I’ve gotta face it every day…..there’s NO amount of self love and self care that will ever heal that pain or the pain from my broken past…..that’s just reality…….

    • My heart goes out to you for your experience of love as a child that it has left you feeling this way today. However, it is within you to build your confidence, work on your healing and decide love is worth the risk. I know its not easy, in fact, I know it will take hard work t. Choosing which road you take is up to you. There is a lot of help out there, good therapists etc, that can help you either way. I wish you happiness with whatever you choose.

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