Dating Over 40: Fall in Love on Valentine’s Day…With Yourself by Bobbi Palmer

Bobbi Palmer - Dating and Relationship Coach

This is Day 2 of the Valentine’s Day Blog-a-thon, running February 10th – 16th. My second guest blogger is Bobbi Palmer,  The Dating and Relationship Coach for Women Over 40. She is not just a dating coach; she is a dating success story! She was married for the first time at 47, and enjoys a spectacular relationship with her husband. As a coach, she compassionately shares her successes – and mistakes – in her 6-step Find Hope and Find Him Program. She invites you to read her blog and take her free Man-O-Meter test at  Or call 562-608-8685.

Fall in Love on Valentine’s Day…With Yourself

Let’s admit it: it can suck being single on Valentine’s Day. Not because you yearn to go out to a crowded, overpriced restaurant or because you want those crappy roses they sell by the billions…but because you want to be in love.

I get it. I was a first-time bride at age 47. I dated for 30 long years, and 25 of those were spent home alone on Valentine’s Day. Now, as a married gal and a dating coach for women, I can look at this day with perspective. Here is what I see:

Valentine’s Day can be a powerful, life-changing day for you. It can be the day you place your single-hood front and center, dig deep, and decide if you really, really, REALLY want to share your life with a fabulous man.

If the answer is “yes,” then I’ve got your next step: Fall in Love with Yourself.  Make February 14 all about you rather than the guy who is not (yet) in your life.

If you’re going to make positive changes in the way you date and relate to men, and you’re going to attract that spectacular guy (instead of just any guy), your starting point is with You.

This doesn’t mean it’s your fault or that there is something wrong with you. This isn’t about remaking yourself or figuring out all the things you should be that you’re not.

It’s the opposite. Falling in love with yourself is about celebrating yourself, showing yourself some kindness, and doing some honest self-reflection—because you deserve the best life possible.

I want to share with you an exercise I do with my clients. My 6-Step Find Hope and Then Find Him System, which is the foundation of my coaching, starts with Step 1: Who Am I? Falling in Love with Myself.

The first part of this exercise goes like this:

List the things about yourself that you love.

How does that make you feel? Did you get that “geez, that feels icky” feeling? Does it feel selfish or conceited? Do you worry your list will be very short?

Don’t worry…this is difficult for most women. How often are we asked to look at our fabulousness? Most conjure up the usual things: I’m smart, I’m independent, I have great hair. And then they run into a brick wall.

You don’t have to be curing cancer or feeding starving children to consider yourself wonderful and worthy. Attributes like being a good friend, loyalty, being able to handle life’s ups and downs, raising good children…these are all things to love about yourself.

If you don’t think these are worth much, consider this: what do you want in a man? Loving kindness, commitment, good humor, intelligence? These things count BIG TIME! And I guarantee they are traits you possess in some form.

I once heard a man say. “If a woman doesn’t seem to love herself, why should I love her?”

When was the last time you actually focused solely on yourself? Have you ever asked yourself, “What makes me a good person worthy of love?” 

Make February 14 the day you fall in love…with yourself.

To learn more about Bobbi, visit

If you missed yesterday’s Valentine’s day Blog-a-thon, click below:
Day #1  Love is in the Air and Its All about You  by Marla Martenson

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

5 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Fall in Love on Valentine’s Day…With Yourself by Bobbi Palmer”

  1. Thanks so much for your note Marla! And Terry: I 100% agree with her. Looking for love after 40 is the BEST time to be looking. For the reasons she said, and more. Two other big reasons:

    1) Because you know you can be pretty darn happy when you are single. so when you choose someone, it is because he truly enhances your life.

    2) As an older and more mature couple – both comfortable in your own skin – there isn’t a power struggle; just two people forming a partnership.

    Being married to the right man have brought me the happiest years of my life. You may want to check out my ecourse: 7 Major Dating Mistakes Women over 40 Make…” at . These are lessons I learned. Thanks again for reading and “chatting!”

  2. This post is so inspiring, Bobbi, especially since you got married at age 47. I was just reading a book (about writing, not marriage) which featured tips from a critically-acclaimed journalist who said the key to her happy marriage was getting married later in life. She had grown to the point where she knew herself and what she had to offer. She also knew what she wanted in a man.


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