As a dating coach for women over 40 and those dating after divorce, I hear everything you can imagine. People who have been out of circulation can be freaked at the prospect of jumping back into the dating pool. It’s understandable.
And there are several other fears that rank even higher. Did you know the top two fears above death are public speaking and going to the dentist? People are hesitant about the unknown and naturally fearful of anything that might cause pain.
So let’s shift gears and I’ll tell you about my trip to the dentist yesterday for my first (wince) root canal. Talk about fearful – I had to wait a week for the appointment and dread filled much of that time. Just saying the words “root canal” creates terror in the eyes of all I mentioned this too.
Before I walked into the endodontist’s office today, I was thinking about doing a shot of vodka (for medicinal purposes of course.) I was very nervous. I’d had a week to create all kinds of unpleasant scenarios and worry had became my middle name. Everyone said this was likely to be a horrid experience.
The minute I opened the door to the office, that nasty medicinal dentist smell hit me in the face. Yuck! My palms started to sweat and I felt nauseous. I walked up to the window to get the paperwork and was greeted by the nicest receptionist. Next I was brought into the treatment room and the assistant was even nicer. Very chatty, bubbly, upbeat and friendly – we talked about her single daughter who lives in Boston.
Finally, the Dr. came in. He was, NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING like I could have ever imagined. Not sure if he is Metrosexual or Gay; Dr. A is like a cruise ship director. He’s funny, his eyebrows were waxed and shapely, he smiled like a Cheshire cat.
Dr. A explained what he was going to do, it would only take twenty minutes, I wouldn’t feel a thing and I was gonna love it! What? Are you kidding me? Who could love root canal.? Dr. A sure does. This man loves what he does and puts his clients at ease. I was stupefied. I was thrilled. And I did love it.
No, not the dental work although it was pain free as promised. I loved being treated by someone who was so upbeat, friendly, happy, who loves his works and enjoys making his patients feel at ease. Totally and completely AMAZING.
Bringing this back around to dating over 40 or dating after divorce, how would it feel if instead of dread and fear of pain being the emotional response to dating, you felt hopeful? What if it could be fun to date again? What if you meet some great men who are really entertaining?What if you expected good things even if you don’t meet “the one” each time you go out?
Since you don’t know what you’ll find at any given moment on the singles scene, why waste so much time and energy in fear? Using the Law of Attraction as I do so often, the more time you spend in thinking and feeling what you do want, rather than what you want to avoid or worse yet, FEAR, the better off you are.
That is true for several reasons. First – why worry until you have to? This way of thinking allows you to put off worry about a new man, about a new singles event or about your online profile results. That means you’ll save a lot energy and emotional strength. Plus, you’ll be spending time feeling good, feeling the possibilities, feeling positive and upbeat. Which is in itself a hell of a lot more fun right? As well as creating a far more attractive aura for yourself.
After this past week filled with anxiety for something that turned out to be nothing and actually was an interesting and pleasant experience, I am going to try my hardest to follow this new rule of thumb:
Think about what you want to have happen rather than what
could happen or what you are afraid might happen. The second
two are purely a waste of time and energy for life in general and
can totally crush your dating life.
Leave yourself open to positive experiences and the good things that may come your way. Like attracts like. Be what you are looking for and see how much faster you will attract that mirror image.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
