Dating Over 40: Do You Have Invisible Woman Syndrome?

Emerge from your chrysalis state of invisibility like the butterfly and spread your beautiful wings.

Do You Feel Like an Invisible Woman?

Sometimes when I talk to my dating coaching clients I discover how they feel about flirting. “It’s just wrong” Beverly told me with conviction. Really Beverly? Why is that?

Turns out Bev was brought up to never stand out. Under the “Children are better seen than heard” parenting philosophy, she found things worked out better growing up if she wasn’t even seen much. So she learned how to become practically invisible. This way her parents would pick on other kids from her large family.

Trouble is, this strategy that worked so well as a child has held Beverly back as an adult at work and in her romantic life. It’s hard to get noticed by men when you are invisible. Yes Beverly suffers from Invisible Woman Syndrome.

What is it?

Invisible Woman Syndrome is real. I did not make this up. This is a phenomenon that occurs as women age, as they reach 40, and even more at 50. The reasons are too numerous to mention here, but I’ve explained a few below that might contribute to invisibleness:

  • You stop getting “dolled” up
  • You choose a hairstyle based on easy maintenance vs. how it looks on you
  • You haven’t updated your wardrobe in the last few years
  • You tend to throw your hair in a ponytail and fly out the door
  • Lipstick is more optional than ever
  • You might not be in the same shape you were five years ago
  • You may have gained a few pounds
  • You wear baggy clothing that covers up changes in your shape

Here’s where you might encounter feeling invisible:

  • At the grocery store check out when the clerk doesn’t look you in the eye
  • Waiting in line when someone cuts right in front of you
  • When you have your hand up ti hail a cab and get passed by
  • At a singles dance when you don’t get asked to dance
  • With online dating sites where you hardly get contacted

As we age, we all go through changes, but that doesn’t mean you will automatically become invisible.

I’m not here to tell you to diet
Seriously, I’m not going to tell you to diet, go to the gym or spend a lot of money on clothes. Heck I’m overweight. What I do want to talk about is your self-esteem. Because it’s loss is truly what makes you invisible.

Low Self-Esteem = Invisiblilty
When you don’t feel good about yourself, and you don’t do much to combat this sinking feeling, the issue can strengthen and drag you down. You risk becoming numb to the excitement of life and all it has to offer.

So what’s a woman over 40 to do? FIGHT BACK!

Feminine Charm = Confidence
When you are connected to your feminine charm, you are in touch with your life force. When you make the most of who you are, you feel good about yourself. When you present your best self to the world, just as you are right now, you will be noticed for your confidence and have more allure and charisma.

Look Good/Feel Good Strategy
Men are highly attracted to confident women just as women are attracted to confident men. Confident women dress up, wear colors that bring out their features, stand straight and maintain good posture. You might wear last year’s pants and jacket, but dress it up with this year’s accessories. You are in touch with the look good/feel good strategy and follow it.

Put Some Pep in Your Step and Flirt!
Everything you ever were still resides within you. Bring back the qualities and feelings that got you noticed earlier in life and feel young and vibrant again. This is more about your attitude than anything else that happens with age. When you flirt with men, you interact in a playful, fun and engaging way. It will get you noticed!

Fuel the Fire of Your Desire and Get Noticed Again
Reawakening your feminine charm is not only possible, but within your grasp. Fuel your own desire by wearing sexy underwear. This is one of my best secret weapons. Those lacy, pretty underthings are meant to enliven your feelings about yourself. When you wear them, you will automatically feel sexier which means of course, that you will be sexier! This is true, even if no man sees them- its all for you baby and your state of mind.

Dump Your Cloak of Invisibility

As your dating coach, I’m asking you to make a decision right now – are you ready to dump your cloak of invisibility once and for all? I hope you said, “Yes!”. Put these suggestions to work so you can rebuild your self esteem. The better you feel about yourself, the more you will be noticed again. Noticed not just for your sunnier exterior, but for your energy, spirit, sense of self and charm. Confidence will make your light shine bright and that is the real you.

You deserve love and the first step is be noticed by men and interact with confidence. I am certain that with some kindness towards yourself – you can allow the lovely woman inside to blossom forth and share your feminine presence and light with the world.

Photo Credit: 150hp

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

5 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Do You Have Invisible Woman Syndrome?”

  1. I disagree with your comment about feminine charm equaling confidence.

    Let me explain from a man’s perspective. I recently hit 40 and I am being constantly being hit on by older women 40-70 years old. I have recently been groped by a 70 year old.

    Anyway, there is no bigger turn off for me than a loud an bubbly confident older women acting like she’s 19 and vibrant. It is a huge turn off. I know it’s fake. Men are not seeking a vibrant old lady.

    To be attractive to a man at any age, you have to make him feel like a man. Make him your hero, compliment him, talk to him and start a friendship. Be around him, ask him to come over to fix something and the attraction will come. Be gentle and be feminine. Don’t be confident. That’s for him.

    • HiMan40, I think you are confusing confidence with brashness. They aren’t the same at all. First off, confidence has nothing to do with age. Believe me, 40 year old women don’t like it when 70 year old men kiss up to them either.

      So to be clear, what I’m saying is that feminine charm is…feminine. Warm, friendly, flirty and hospitable to put a man at ease. When a woman is using her feminine charm she is approachable by a quality man.

      On the other hand, aggressive behavior is overly confident and not feminine in any way. You say you don’t like a confident woman and maybe you prefer a mousy woman who doesn’t know who she is. But I think what you are trying to say is you don’t like aggressive women and I completely understand that. Confidence is for men and WOMEN. Brashness works for neither.

  2. We really don’t need to give this a special name or categorise it as a “syndrome”. This is all in human nature; we tend to ignore people we do not have any interest in. Men can’t help it, as it’s passive. The only time that you’ll receive attention early is if the assistant is focused or has the fact that he’s ignoring people on his mind; otherwise you’ll be seen as a casualty unless you’re an attractive, young woman. If you’d like assistance or attention, then approach the male; because you can’t change their genetics.

    • Hi Daniel – one thing you are right about – we cannot change anyone! But this can be a harsh reality for women over 50. Syndrome is the title given BECA– USE it is something women CAN impact when they take care of themselves and keep an attractive look about them.

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