Dating Over 40: Do I Need a Femininity Makeover?

Hey Ronnie!

My question:
My attractive, sexy, therapist neighbor just told me he thought I was gay. GAY! As a single woman in her 50’s trying to find (heterosexual) love, and a man like him (he’s married, so, not him), I was devastated! I obviously am not putting out the ‘available’ vibe to men. I don’t know what to do!

My neighbor said, he based his assumption on my stocky body type and short hair. Plus,  my neighborhood happens to have a significant lesbian population, and I live alone. Guess he never saw me, with my ex who is a man!

What can I do? I try to dress fashionably and femininely. What can I do to increase my femininity and “I”m available vibe”?

Thank you SO much for any help/insight you can give me,
Looking Too Butch

Dear Looking,

Wow – that’s quite a story.

I understand how you feel. Many of my dating coaching clients have encountered shockers like this that launched them in a new direction regarding their allure and dating life. What they found is how they may have denied their own feminine allure for a variety of reasons and how easy it can be to shift your image and change things for the better.

By the way, your neighbor is a therapist? Perhaps he needs some additional training. First topic for his refresher course is verbal editing! What kind of thing is that to say to someone any way?

To be very honest with you, at 40, when I finally did start to date again and look for the right man for me, I had a good friend, I man I used to work with who told me the same thing. He based this idea soley on one thing – that he never saw me date a man, nor did I talk about dating to  him. That comment shocked  the heck out of me too!

Since this exchange has shaken you up, let’s get some insight for you on Feminine Charm:
First and foremost, your femininity is not based on just your body type and hair. It  also involves your attitude about yourself. For example:

 -Do you wear clothes that help you look your feminine best?
-Do you feel that you are appealing and desirable to men? (besides your neighbor)
-Are you connected to your allure?
-Do you flirt with men? 
-Are you militant about your independence?

All of these questions can help you determine where the gap might be for you. If you think your neighbor has a valid view point, then you might want to do something to kick things up a notch as Emeril Lagasse the chef says.

If his comment has prompted you to take  a fresh look at yourself  and your ideas on men, dating and your own personal presentation, then it has certainly served a purpose.

To get in touch with your feminine allure and tap into the Goddess within you, You might want to purchase my audio program on CD – I’m So Alluring. This audio program delivers a wonderful visualization you can listen to in your own home while relaxing, along with the instructions and an explanation of why this type of thing works. And it does work!

I’ll be putting up a new page about the program soon, so stay tuned for more information!

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

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