Dating Over 40: Brain Science Shows that Complaining is Bad for You

Complaining about men (or listening to man bashing) is destructive to your love life when you are dating over 40 or any time!

Your brain is affected by negativity and complaining

I often write about how man bashing is for your love life if you are dating over 40. Talking poorly about men as a group brings down your energy and doesn’t help you remain open and positive about meeting men or finding the right one for you. You can’t seriously look for love and hate men at the same time. Those two very different types of thoughts cannot occupy the same space in your brain. And now there is scientific proof that this is, in fact, true!

In an article from titled, “Listening to Complainers Is Bad for Your Brain” the writer, Minda Zetlin, states how exposure to nonstop negativity actually inhibits brain function. So, talking trash about men is not only bad to do, but bad to listen to as well. The article is about a new book by Trevor Blake who is a serial entrepreneur and author of Three Simple Steps: A Map to Success in Business and Life. According to Trevor, neuroscientists can measure brain activity resulting from various stimuli, including a lengthy complaining conversation.

Here’s a couple of quotes from Blake that Minda included in her article:

“The brain works more like a muscle than we thought,” Blake says. “So if you’re pinned in a corner for too long listening to someone being negative, you’re more likely to behave that way as well.”

Not only that, but being exposed to too much negativity can actually decrease your brain power. Exposure to 30-minutes or more of negativity, from a friend or the TV, will “peel away neurons in the brain’s hippocampus which is … the part of your brain you need for problem solving,” Blake says. “Basically, [complaining and negativity] turns your brain to mush.”

Now,  Blake points out that you CAN share when travesties occur, but points out the difference between talking about something that’s going wrong and complaining. Most complainers, he says, don’t actually want to do anything about a situation. They simply want to complain. So if you are sharing what happened to find a solution – completely different story.

Thankfully Minda explains Trevor’s suggestions for defending yourself. And I’ll add a couple of my own as well.

1.Remove yourself from the presence of the complainer.  In other words, excuse yourself as soon as you can and walk away or get off the phone. Find a way to limit the amount of time you listen to complaining.

2. Suggest or request  a solution. Since most complainers don’t want to fix anything, just complain, Blake suggests asking them what they plan to do about the situation. That might end the conversation right there.

3. Put up an imaginary shield. Blake sited several case-studies of people who imagine putting up an invisible shield to deal with negativity. For example, athletes have to perform while hearing heckling. Some say “shields up” to themselves while others visualize a glass dome lowering down over themselves for protection. This really works!

4. Zip up. I have a friend who is an energetic healer who suggests you imagine you pull up an imaginary zipper starting at your feet and going up over your head, locking out unwanted energy, especially negativity and complaining! I’ve used this trick countless times and it helps me feel so much better.

5. Don’t spend too much time complaining and retelling your story. You have to vent – yes, I agree. But how many times to you need to tell the story an do you need to repeat it to everyone you know? I think not. Limit your own complaining about things that make you mad, the wrongs done to you and your down trodden experiences about men and dating. (And everything else as much as possible).

All of this should free up a lot of time don’t you think?

If you’re dating over 40 and no longer listening to complaints or complaining yourself – now what? Well, the Law of Attraction states that “Like attracts like”. So, start thinking about what you do want to have happen. Think about fun things to come, make plans or recall pleasant memories. doing so is a great way to attract even more of what you do want since your energy will be vibrating at that frequency. And that is one of the biggest keys to manifesting.

Whether you are dating over 40 and want to MANifest Mr. Right or money or good health or more friends, thinking good thoughts and limiting exposure to negativity is a surefire method to create it.


Photo Credit: Raleigh LeBlanc

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Brain Science Shows that Complaining is Bad for You”

  1. Ronnie:


    In this day and age all women do is spew venom about how men are despicable. There are a zillion blogs, websites, and articles screaming from the rooftops how “men suck” (a very popular mindset in this day and age).

    Sorry, but it’s difficult to find “the one” when the supposedly fair sex believes all that’s out there is the enemy.

    • Well Mickey – who’s spewing the venom in your comment? My blog is positive and encouraging about men, love and dating. When you write comments like these, you are just confirming what women believe. Look to yourself as the cause of your dating grief.

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