Dating Over 40: Are You Single or Unmarried?

Elena Kagan Thank you Maureen Dowd for writing this fantastic Op-Ed piece in the New York Times asking when this shift occurs – going from being called “single” to the dreaded “unmarried.”

Dowd talked about how the marker can be 40 or 50, when people stop thinking of women as eligible and just unmarried. What a downer huh? Then she mentioned some skuttle-but about Elena Kagan who started off with a  swagger about being the hip and powerful single woman and was reduced to rumors of being gay.

I know about this personally. It happened to me. Staying single until my 40th birthday, I rarely dated or talked about men whom I found attractive. I was shut down from all of this activity, I didn’t date and I didn’t meet men who interested me. It took some real soul searching to understand how I had contributed to my own single status. Turning 40 helped open my eyes.

Once I started dating and talking about all the men in my life, something shifted. One male friend, Mark,  actually admitted he had thought I was gay and either not dealing with it or not talking about it. I must admit that conversation shook me up.  For goodness sakes, if people thought I was gay, that certainly diminished my chances of begin set up on blind dates! Truth is, in the absense of information, people make stuff up as they stretch to understand your life choices.

This is a great article, as Dowd often writes.  The close is positive and provacative where she asks why isn’t it possible that Kagan was coming to Washington and planning to sign up with jdate, now that she has a fancy new job. She could certainly update her linkedin profile and get noticed that way too.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

Leave a Comment