Frequently, clients come to me for dating coaching when they are frustrated with online dating. They don’t like the men who wink or email. They don’t understand why men email, then disappear. They are tired of pen pals or guys who never get around to meeting. There are so many things that are annoying about the process. Yet, 12% of marriages today begin with online dating and the percentage of relationships from the web is even higher.
So what’s a woman to do?
Learn how to be more effective on the net!
Here are five tips that will help you get the most from your online efforts. I’ve consulted with a number of experts, compiled their advice and shared it here with you.
1. Your Profile Should Intrigue Men
Women often write profiles thinking they need to provide every detail. Don’t do it! Most men don’t want to read a bunch of personal details. And amazingly, most profiles sound the same. You’re comfortable at a picnic or drinking champagne, you love cultural events, you like to read the paper on Sundays and go to the movies. Boring! Find a way to stand out. You don’t need to give your resume, just a piece of the puzzle to capture his attention and make him want to know more.
2. Email Starts a Conversation
There’s a tendency to repeat details from your profile in your first contact emails. Don’t do it! Instead, write something about his profile. make a humorous comment or ask him a single question about what you read that attracted you to him. Keep it short, upbeat and flirty.
3. Get from Email to Phone ASAP
You may think you are getting to know someone better when you email longer, but this is not the best strategy. Better to email 2-3 times, then get to the phone. You have to converse before you can meet and the net is a numbers game, so meet the guy and find out if there is potential. If not, you can move on. If you like him, you’ll find out if he’s really interested in you when he asks for a second date.
4. Phone Calls Are for Scheduling the First Meeting
I’ve had many coaching clients tell me they chatted for hours from the very first call. Don’t do it! The point of the phone call is to hear his voice, find out if you can hold a conversation and want to know more, and schedule the first date. Regardless of how great the conversation is, end it after 20-30minutes and save something for your live date. You don’t need to tell each everything and in fact you could very well shoot yourself in the foot if you do.
5. First Date = Short Date
The purpose of your first date is to see if there is any potential for a real date. Coffee dates are like first interviews. The point is to discover if a second date is warranted and nothing more.
Don’t get sucked into dinner dates or let a coffee date turn into a marathoner. Have a glass of wine, a cup of coffee or a milkshake (I had a client who loved this). Chat for an hour or 90 minutes tops. Smile, say thank you and wrap it up. Leave him wanting more so there will hopefully be a second date.
Try these 5 proven tips suggested by me and many of my fellow experts to get your online dating sizzling and minimize your frustration.
photo credit: Eflon
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Hi Savannah, I understand how confusing this seems so let me help make it easier for you. You are right – if he wants to see you , he needs to take the intiative and ask! Since its been months and he hasn’t done that – what does that tell you? Not the right guy for you. It could be as simpel as too much distance
Forget the guys who live far away. Open your mind to men who are more accessible locally . Consider men a few years younger or older, with some college rathern than only graduates, a bit shorter or with less hair. There are lots of men out there once you open your eyes, heart and mind to them.
I tell my dating coaching clients to avoid penpals. You can initiate an email to start a conversation once or twice and then take turns like tennis. Don’t force it – if the guy drops the ball – move on. After 3-4 sets of emails, talk on the phone for 20 minutes, then meet each other for an hour for coffee. otherwise you risk fantasizing about a guy that he’ll never live up once you meet him.
Keep going – it’s a numbers game.
Online dating confusion. I just got divorced after 25 years of marriage (maried young – I’m in my mid 40s) and am trying online dating, which I find very, very confusing. Unfortunately, the only guys I’ve clicked with live in cities different than mine. There’s one in particular that seemed to really click in January 2011. We were chatting up a storm until he started asking me pointed questions about whether I’m ready for a serious relationship since getting divorced. The truth is that I’m beyond ready, but I just said yes to play it cool. Things have been awkward at times (but not always) since then, but have nevertheless continued. I noticed that I was initiating an inordinate number of our chats, so I decided to stop and see what happened. Nothing happened. After forcing myself to wait until after Valentines Day to avoid looking desperate, I initiated what turned out to be a long chat. It had been about 2.5 to 3 weeks since our last chat (of this I am sure). After some introductory how are you’s, I get the following “where have you been the last few months? We haven’t talked in a long while. What’s new? Any dates? We met on a dating site. Why wouldn’t I care about that?” We had each had some dates that didn’t pan out, but here’s my question that I didn’t ask him which is, why would he care about that? If he does, then he should initiate more contact and drive the few hours it takes to meet me. This online stuff confuses me! What do you think? Thanks
Hmmmm,
I thought this was a nice subject to read, maybe I’m missing something but I think you missed the mark.
I thought the subject was about women being frustrated with their online results in finding a suitable man to date. I thought you would offer suggestions on how a woman can better “screening process” to get from winks/emails/phone chats to an actual meeting,
I thought I would see something like….
How to determine if a guy is emotionally and physically available?
How to spot a “player”.
How to find Mr. Right.
.
.
Something like that….
P.S.
Let’s have the flip side to this also at some point. “How good men are frustrated with online dating.”
There isn’t a way to know details about a man like his emotional availability or much else until you start to converse. That’s why if you make your profile sizzle, you’ll have more opportunities to do just that – converse, get to know men, collect data and then decide!
These are great tips Ronnie!
I especially appreciate the one about the first email… what to write is the challenge!