Are you dating after divorce or thinking about it?
Do you wonder, “Why am I still single?” This post will help you understand, maybe for the first time why being single might be your default lifestyle and doesn’t need to be.
You’re over 50 and are sadly surprised to be single at this time in your life. It stinks! Everything is so very different than for your parents generation. You are experiencing the new social order that means 51% of adults in the USA are single. The good news is, that means you are far from alone.
So as a dating coach for women over 40, I’m not at all surprised that you might wonder “Why am I still single?” and feel stymied about finding love. You probably have a zillion questions rolling around in your mind like:
- Am I happy enough alone?
- Do I really need a man?
- Do I want to bother looking for a man?
- Where could I meet men?
- Who would want me at this age?
- Am I still pretty enough to attract a man?
- Are there any decent men left in my age bracket?
- Don’t men want to date younger women?
These are all really good questions and I understand why they circulate through your brain especially if dating after divorce or thinking about it. You have concerns – I get it. But here’s what I don’t get…
Why do you allow yourself to remain single
if you claim to want a relationship?
4 Reasons that Answer the Question, “Why am I still single?”
1. It’s easier to be single. Yup, there’s a lot of truth to this little statement. Of course it’s easier! You don’t need to ask anyone else what they want to eat or when they want to have dinner? You don’t have to negotiate about vacation or the color to paint the living room. It’s simply easier to be single.
2. It’s easier to maintain life’s status quo. Staying single means you don’t have to DO ANYTHING differently than you are now. It’s so much easier to keep everything as is then to take steps to find love with the right man. so maybe you feel tired from work and life and just can’t face the idea of dating. One thing I know having been a dating coach for 12 years, women who take make an effort and find love never look back about how hard it was. They live in the present of enjoying the company of a great partner.
3. It’s scary to get out of your comfort zone. Oh yeah, this is another biggie. All the “what if’s” show up when you think about being socially uncomfortable dating after divorce or any time in midlife. What if I get rejected? What if I don’t know anyone at the singles’ event? What if I feel foolish? Yikes there are so many unknowns with dating! But the truth is, all life is peppered with unknowns because nothing is certain except death and taxes. But you feel comfortable as is so you aren’t motivated to change anything.
4. It’s hard to imagine the right man exists. This is the single biggest reason if you ask me. Because without a strong belief that you will FIND HIM, I can totally understand why you don’t want to bother. After all, you could meet a few guys, date a couple and still not find love right? Why put yourself through that to come up empty handed? Trouble is, you can’t achieve any of life’s goals without effort. So yes, you will meet the wrong men, get stood up or dumped along the path to find love. it can happen. But once you find him, none of that will matter. So it’s time you start to BELIEVE.
How can I ask you to believe and put yourself out there?
Because I know finding love is completely doable and possible!
See, when I turned 40 and was still single, I had absolutely no hope of getting married, never mind find a decent man. I had no evidence that such a thing was possible for me. In fact everything in my life pointed to the exact opposite. After all, most of my girlfriends were also single. Most of them were younger AND thinner – so if they were still single what made me think I could find love?
How did I get past this? I became determined. I decided this was something in my life I had to figure out AND I DID. That’s why I want to share what I’ve learned and encourage you to find love too. I found love which is why I KNOW you can do it too.
So do you want to stay single or NOT?
If you know in your heart, the single life is not your preference and you’re ready to start dating after divorce, here’s your next two steps:
1. Go to the computer and get an account with www.MeetUp.com – it’s free! After you set up your account, do a search with your zip code to see what singles groups are available in your area.
2. Go to www.Match.com and set up a free account. Take 10-minutes to fill out the basic questions. Write up a brief and positive profile that tells men who you are and what you are seeking in a partner. Or, better yet, ask me to write one for you.
Being single is a CHOICE!
Doing nothing to find love or start dating is a choice even if they are not active choices. You are choosing not to go for it.
Instead, I’m asking you to consider what you are missing. Warm, sweet kisses. The love of a good man who adores you. Weekend getaways. Romantic dinners. Snuggling in front of the fire. Someone to kiss on New Year’s Eve. Emotional support and a deep bond of friendship. Partnership through life.
It’s time!
Get off your butt and make a new choice! Stop living by abstention. Admit what you want deep in your heart and go for it! Finding love is totally possible, but only if you take action and stop passively wondering, “Why am I still single?”
Of course, you could hire me to guide you, share my time-saving tips, and inspire you to find love. Give me a call 203-877-3777 for a free 15-minute consultation and let’s discover how I can help.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
I get what you are saying but I tried very hard for years. This October will be 9 years divorced. I have no family but my two kids and my friends are married. I rarely see them Bc they have a family life. I have to work now and don’t make enough to pay my monthly bills much less go out very often. I gave up a year ago. I even asked a few men out and all said no. Yet everyone has always told me how beautiful I am and friendly and nothing. I don’t get it. My few single friends just want to party. And hang out at bars. I’m 45 over that. I tried to hang with them for a while and I hate that lifestyle. Plus I felt guilty being a very conservative Christian. Where do all the clean life single men go?
Hi Kaye – what about at Church or Christiansingles.com? No being able to pay your bills is very stressful. Somehow you’ve got to turn that around because that alone can be a deterrent. When you feel like things or at least Ok or good, you become naturally more attractive. So maybe figure out your financials and everything will improve because honestly, mindset is everything when it comes to finding love.